Misunderstandings
by The Master Weaponsmith
Summary: KakashixOC...that funny little book of his...
1. Konoha

Konoha is a wonderful peaceful village. The multileveled city grows in and around the forest that dominated the land before the city was founded, and still exists jutting up through the walkways and between the buildings of my home.  
  
The massive trees, which are native to this area, give us cooling shade in the heat of the summer and protection from the wind and snow in the chill winters. Due to the Ninja academy and those who graduate from it, we are constantly protected and most problems are dealt with swiftly and efficiently.  
  
There is little crime, friendly people and nothing to do.  
  
Hence when I woke one fine Saturday morning to find that my Mom had gone out to a friends house and left me no chores, no errands, no money and no way to get permission to visit a friends house.  
  
Konoha was the safest village in the country but she still acted as if I had been kidnapped every time I forgot to tell her where I was going. Leaving a note didn't count, it could be written by the kidnapper for all she knew. Then by the time she realized I wasn't home it would be too late. My father would be devastated, she wouldn't know what to do.  
  
You just had to be careful for those kinds of things, we did live in a Ninja village after all. Only the worst could happen if anything.  
  
I was on my third circle around the halls of my house when I decided that a short jaunt to the local bookstore and back wouldn't be noticed. My best friend's family owned the store so I was more or less a favored patron with a continuous discount on most items available. I helped there sometimes during the week just to talk with Kanoi who felt after the first couple of visits that I might as well start getting store credit.  
  
The store was still closed this early in the morning; Kanoi was already setting up the store though, and let me in.  
  
"Hi Akiko, want to help me stock the shelves? We just got a new shipment."  
  
The box of new books was almost empty. "Sure, but only for a little bit. Mom ran out this morning and practically grounded me. Do you have to work today? I could really use the company."  
  
Kanoi grinned and shook her head. "No can do. It's a Saturday, are you sure you can't work? We could use the help."  
  
I rolled my eyes. "What and run the risk of my Mom sending out a search party? Thanks but no. I'd like to walk unescorted by the time I'm thirty."  
  
"Come on then, there's just these last few to stack."  
  
I followed her to the back corner of the store. "Any interesting ones?"  
  
She grinned mischievously at me. "You're spending the entire day at home right?"  
  
I raised my eyebrow as she handed me a paperback. "That bad huh?"  
  
She snickered as a wicked gleam entered her eye. "That good. Seventh volume of the series but it can stand on its own. I read it last night, don't tell my dad."  
  
I grinned back. "Well, take it from my credit then." I stuffed the book in my pocket and grabbed another one from the cooking section telling her to add it as well, Mom's birthday was coming up. We shelved the last of the boxes contents and wandered to the front of the store just as the clock hit eight.  
  
We traded the usual pleasantries, 'hope you have a nice day' 'don't let the customers try and read in the isles' 'try not to burn down the house'.  
  
I flipped the sign to Open as I walked out, holding the door for their first customer as he headed inside. Then tucking my hands into my pockets I headed home.  
  
"The new shipment came in today right?"  
  
The girl behind the counter smiled cheerfully. "Just this morning, they're all on the shelves already."  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Walking purposeful through the bookcases he made his way to the fiction area and crouched to peer at the shelf. The latest edition his favorite series had arrived; he had a personal guarantee from the owner that they had ordered it. Smiling happily in anticipation he scanned past the rest of the series only to find a different series right after the sixth book.  
  
Odd. He must have missed it.  
  
...or maybe not. Smoothly he stood and made his way back to the counter, the girl had cracked open a book and was leaning against the wood intently absorbed. He cleared his throat.  
  
"I was expecting the arrival of a book today but it doesn't appear to be on your shelf." He explained.  
  
She blinked at him twice. "All the books arrived, are your sure you're looking in the right place?"  
  
"Positive."  
  
"Well, I'm sorry but it must have already been sold out."  
  
"But it arrived today, I was the first one here."  
  
She stared at him, he stared at her. Something clicked.  
  
He was out the door as an expression of shocked realization spread over her face.  
  
I flipped through the cookbook scanning for the too-exotic recipes that I would prevent right off the bat by ripping the pages out. I was studying a particularly toxic looking eggplant when a pair of sandals appeared in the small bit of road I could see beyond the book. Not bothering to look up I merely shifted to the side.  
  
They sidestepped with me.  
  
I glanced up.  
  
Forehead protector, vest, armored gloves a Jounin. Oh great. I gave his one visible eye a cheesy smile.  
  
"Can I help you?" I chirped.  
  
"You could give me that book you bought." was the quick reply.  
  
I stepped back in surprise. "What book?" I asked dumbly.  
  
I watched with no lack of panic as he motioned towards the bulge in my front pocket.  
  
I felt heat rise to my cheeks as I remembered Kanoi's warnings "I bought it." I stated, crossing arms over the lump defensively. "Why would I give it to you?"  
  
"Because I've been waiting for it for three months?"  
  
"Patience is a virtue, I got to it first. Excuse me." I stepped to the right. He stepped mirrored me.  
  
"Because it'll make me very happy, and you're a nice person?"  
  
I studied what was visible of his face including the blue mask that took over half of it, the angled forehead protector and shock of silver hair falling out from under it. The smile dropped off my face. "I don't think so."  
  
"Pleassseeeee?"  
  
I stared at him, he had to be what? Thirty? Forty?  
  
A senior citizen? He did have white hair.  
  
"I bought it, and I am not giving it to you. Go away." I tried to step around him. Blocked, over and over. Did I mention that I dislike ninjas? Huffing I spun around, if I couldn't get home I'd go and hang out with Kanoi until he left. He appeared less than six inches in front of me. I glared at the scroll pockets in his vest.  
  
"I help protect the village, and you're refusing me such a simple thing?" he demanded.  
  
I narrowed my eyes. "I've heard that one before, he didn't get a free meal either." I snapped.  
  
He laughed. I took deep breaths, reminding myself that even if I tried to punch him he'd most likely block it. Jounin remember?  
  
"Because it's my birthday?"  
  
I had a list on the back of my bedroom door why I hated ninjas. When I got home I was going to draw his face at the bottom. Then an idea came to mind... Sighing dramatically I shrugged.  
  
"Alright, fine. Just leave me alone alright?" I asked sullenly.  
  
"It's a deal!"  
  
I shoved the cookbook into his waiting hands and spun around sprinting the last twenty feet to my front door and slamming it behind me. It stayed closed. Chuckling to myself I faced the hallway and froze before scowling.  
  
The silver-haired Jounin was standing in the foyer arms crossed, the cookbook dangling from his left hand. He didn't look happy at all. But his bad mood helped mine enormously. I felt sadistic satisfaction.  
  
"Hey! You agreed to leave me alone remember?" 


	2. a day to forget

"You gave me the wrong book."  
  
I batted my eyes. "I thought you wanted that one." I replied innocently.  
  
The visible eye narrowed. "I can tell you're lying."  
  
My patience was gone and he was quickly cutting the leash that held my temper in check. "Oh good. Can you tell if I'm lying now? You're. Not. Getting. The. Book." I walked through the living room and entered the kitchen from the side. I was feeling much too happy at his inability to reply.  
  
It had been a while since breakfast and all the talking and running had made me thirsty. I took out a glass and dug through the fridge for the juice pouring myself a liberal amount. When I turned around he was leaning against the doorframe that opened into the foyer.  
  
"You're still here." I monotoned dryly.  
  
"I want that book."  
  
"I gave you a book."  
  
"You gave me the wrong book." He growled.  
  
"You didn't specify." I pointed out smugly.  
  
I saw his eyes flicker down to my pocket where the outline of the book was barely visible. I stuffed my hand into the pocket ridding him of the recognizable shape. He was really beginning to get on my nerves.  
  
"Don't you have somewhere to be? People to guard, information to gather, missions to do?"  
  
Score! He fell out of his angry expression at the sight of the kitchen clock and blinked sheepishly. His eyes flickered back to my book. "I'll be back for it." he stated and poofed out.  
  
I waited a few moments after he had left, just in case. Then I headed upstairs to my bedroom determined to get a start on the book. Then I'd hide it. I threw open my door and smiled happily.  
  
Books were strewn out from under my bed and spilled out of my closet. They covered the surface of my desk and three full bookshelves that were stacked two books deep. A few piles at the head of my bed were my latest reads, teetered unsteadily.  
  
Cracking my newest book open I sat comfortably on my bed trying to squash the silly grin on my face as I began to read.  
  
"You're Late."  
  
He shrugged, smiling through the mask. "I was having a deep philosophical conversation..."  
  
Obito scowled. "Yeah, right."  
  
They had been friends for years, although the more serious Obito was a little below him in ability he had better organizational skills, critical for ANBU team leaders.  
  
He shrugged, smiled back serenely. "So shall we get started?"  
  
"The mission was postponed."  
  
That meant more time to relax and...read? "Ah...so do we get to go home?"  
  
"No." Obito snapped. "It means we continue to practice for it."  
  
"How are we supposed to practice? Our teamwork's perfect and it's not like you can practice infiltration with someone's permission and yet without them expecting you." That was Takeshi, the third member of their ANBU team.  
  
"Well...that's not quite true."  
  
Obito and Takeshi both gave him speculating looks.  
  
"I in my infinite wisdom have already secured a infiltration exercise for us. With almost exactly the same scenario as our mission. However instead of a forbidden jutsu scroll, it is a regular book we have to steal."  
  
"But then they know we're coming." Takeshi shook his head, his bangs flapping. An anomaly of ninja style they were consistently dyed a forest green against his dun brown hair. In Kakashi's perspective he looked very much like a tree, when he wasn't perfectly camouflaged.  
  
"Ah, but she doesn't! It's my book, I'm loaning it to her."  
  
Obito's eyes narrowed. "One of your books?"  
  
"You know the series I'm reading? Well book seven is the most exciting yet! It starts off with a detailed-"  
  
"ENOUGH! I don't want to hear about the contents of those things. Where is it?"  
  
I was just getting to one of the exciting parts when I began to feel nervous. It's a natural reaction, after all when you read this sort of thing in public you want to make sure no one's looking over your shoulder. As a sort of security measure I slipped a book sock on the cover so it wouldn't be immediately recognizable. And while I was at a good stopping point, I decided that it was a good time to get another glass of juice. I stretched and stuffing a finger between the pages wandering downstairs.  
  
The stairs groaned and creaked as I lumbered back into the kitchen. My old house was always complaining and making funny noises, even the door squeak upstairs wasn't out of the ordinary...until I realized that there was no draft to make it move.  
  
For a moment I froze, my mind screaming intruder and flashing up images of being sliced and diced after being beaten black and blue. My mom had a tendency to prove her point with detailed descriptions of what might happen in such situations and they carried through to my own imagination. I could have made a great slasher movie from the footage that was playing inside my head.  
  
I glanced at the knife rack. The sharpened blades had never looked more comforting. Then again I did live in a ninja village, I would probably be able to stab them once maybe? Before they disarmed me? Unless that one little stab hit a major vein I was in for it. I needed a weapon with maximum damage.  
  
Fear the cast-iron skillet of death!  
  
Armed with my pan I crept up the stairs. Every plank creaked anyway, but it gave me a shred of confidence. That's when I heard someone shuffling through my books. A certain freakish nin came to mind. All images of homicidal killers faded as I stormed into my room. One ANBU, fully garbed in leaf regalia, was furiously sifting through my stacks upsetting it all terribly.  
  
It reeked of that other ninja's meddling. I crossed my arms and waited. To his credit it didn't take them long to realize I was there. Slowly brown hair turned towards me, abruptly turning out to be neon green at the front. I bared blunted fangs. "Looking for something?"  
  
I felt a tug on my book and swung the skillet. It was easily removed from my hand. The nin from this morning smiled back at me waving my skillet mockingly. "Hi there!"  
  
At that moment a third ANBU strode in the door frowning and crossed his arms. "I told you she was coming well in advance, what were you doing?"  
  
The one with neon green bangs jumped to the defensive. "I was trying to restack these damn things! That book isn't even in here!"  
  
"Mmm hmm. Due to the situation it would have actually relied on you to make a distraction Kakashi." The third one commented.  
  
"Due to the level of ninja we faced I opted to attack them in their moment of surprise, instead of alerting them with an illusionary jutsu which they would easily have detected."  
  
The brunette frowned. "It would have blown our cover though, still that means the blame falls to you Takeshi, gotta search quicker."  
  
"Don't be picky Okito, silence or haste, you can't do both. Besides I was doing pretty well." He protested.  
  
"Yeah...how did you notice?" Okito, I guess, asked.  
  
"The draft."  
  
"Different people notice different things." Kakashi commented sagely. "Any comments Akiko-kun?"  
  
"How could you not notice me holding it the entire time?" I asked stoically.  
  
The three of them immediately looked to my right hand.  
  
"You're actually reading that?" Okito asked.  
  
Two of them gave me another inch of space. I sighed and covered my face.  
  
"Akiko! I'm hooome!" Three sets of eyes focused through the floor with interest.  
  
Just when things couldn't get any worse...  
  
"Oh! You have guests!"  
  
My mom thought ninjas were the greatest thing since electric rice cookers.  
  
"Akiko are you alright you look a little flushed."  
  
"Probably the heat, she's been inside all morning." The jounin supplied helpfully.  
  
When my brother took an interest in ninja techniques she was thrilled, when Dad decided to move into a village full of them she almost had a seizure.  
  
"You're right, it's supposed to hit the nineties today. Have you been drinking Akiko? I'll get you a glass of juice. Oh I'm Akiko's mom by the way."  
  
"Pleased to meet you Mrs..."  
  
"Kisuki."  
  
When he was old enough he ran off into the great blue yonder and set up a little hut with its very own vegetable garden so he didn't have to deal with anyone. Every now and then he sends me letters about how he's doing, and new techniques he's found out about.  
  
"Ahh, how could I have forgotten? The heat must be getting to me too..."  
  
"Can I get you something to drink? Tea, Juice, water, milk? I think we even have some Iced Tea! Would you like some of that?"  
  
"It'd be wonderful. I'm Hatake Kakashi, surely Akiko's told you about me?"  
  
I felt her glance at me, but refused to meet her gaze. I was not going to feel guilty about something that wasn't my fault.  
  
"Really? She hasn't told me anything about you, but then again she's always been a shy kind of girl. She's grown up so fast..."  
  
"Don't they all? Oh, these are my teammates. Aname Okito and Yeshua Takeshi."  
  
"And you're all ANBU? How wonderful! Can I get you three something to drink? How about some Iced Tea?"  
  
Technically I should have been able to move out two years ago, except the world is a dangerous place for young girls. Damned that I wasn't born a boy.  
  
"That's okay I'm not really..."  
  
"Nonsense, can't have you becoming dehydrated or anything. Do you like juice?"  
  
"I prefer green tea." Obito stated calmly.  
  
"You're in luck! I just happened to pick some up on my way home."  
  
"I'm not really thirsty..."  
  
She set three brimming glasses on the table, complete with decorative straws. "Here you go! Drink up!"  
  
"..."  
  
"..."  
  
"...thank you."  
  
It's days like this I seriously consider surgery. 


	3. stick figure voodoo

They left before dinner, but not before devouring two packages of dumplings and an entire gallon of green tea. Kakashi, as I now knew his name, stayed after his friends left to share stories with my mother; his about his adventures, hers about me, dad, my uncles, aunts and even a grandmother.

He knew my entire family history by the time my mother noticed the time ("goodness it's dark out!") and bid him a temporary goodbye after inviting him back for dinner ("we eat around six"), and lunch ("Akiko is a wonderful cook"), and breakfast ("do you like eggs?")

Bad news for him in a way I suppose. Up to that point I was planning on nobly sacrificing my reading material, for my sanity. Strategically shoving it into his hands as I slammed the door and permanently ended his interruption of my life.

Since it was pretty much set in stone that he'd be back there was no way in hell I was going to surrender the book. What would be the point? So instead I escorted him to the front door and held it open gesturing for him to leave.

"Can I have the book?"

"No. Get out."

"Please?"

"Promise to never come here again?"

"...No."

"Then you can kiss the book goodbye. Except that it's mine, so you can't even do that." I snapped.

"Ah well, see you tomorrow!" he commented cheerfully.

"Tomorrow?!" I scowled at the small cloud that was already dispersing. Images of burning the book after I finished it, and then not telling him until weeks later filled my mind. The vision of me laughing while he stared in stupefied surprise brought a smile to my face.

My mother winked slyly as I passed through the kitchen. "He's such a nice boy don't you think?"

There were no words.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

I spent the rest of the afternoon sketching a masked stick figure at the bottom of my 'why I hate ninjas' list; it is being impaled by every weapon I can fit into its two-inch tall frame and is about to be crushed by a falling tree.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

My Dad came home and of course Mom told him all about Kakashi. Which was of course followed by an episode of 20 questions with me in the hot seat. I've had lots of practice telling my parents enough to satisfy without actually getting myself in trouble. Basically I left out the part that I'd met him that morning, because of a romance novel, and all other mildly worrying aspects of our 'relationship'.

"When did you meet him?"

"I was helping Kanoi open up shop one day and he happened to stop in there."

"So? Did you bump into each other or something?"

"Similar interests in genera."

"Oh so he's one of those intellectual types."

"...definitely a devout reader."

"And he's an ANBU too. He really is a busy person, it's amazing that he still has time to spend time with you like this."

Dad looked up from his dinner for the first time during the conversation. "It's just a matter of priorities Leriyu" he commented pointedly while smiling her way. Mom tittered and blushed.

I locked my eyes on the food. It's so gross when old people flirt with each other.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

He was at the table the next morning discussing the history of katanas with my father. An empty plate was resting in front of Kakashi, smears of syrup indicating that he'd already eaten a pile of pancakes. They both gave me a warm 'goodmorning' before diving back into how the standard sword had been lengthened for horseback riders and shortened for less detection. I mumbled something in return, plopped down into a chair, dragged three pancakes onto an empty plate and proceeded to erase the pancake taste by drowning them in maple syrup.

Dad was explaining the effectiveness of heavier swords when Mom asked me to go out and buy some groceries, we were running low. She'd call ahead to Kanoi so we could go together. It was safer.

"That's okay Mrs Kisuki. I have to go in that direction as well, I can walk her there."

I snapped to the alert. "That's okay! I know Kanoi won't mind!"

"Akiko don't be rude. Kakashi, so kindly offered to escort you, and Kanoi is probably helping out at the shop today. Thank you Kakashi. I feel so much safer when she's accompanied."

"My pleasure." The masked ANBU chirped. What a suck up.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"What a beautiful morning don't you think Akiko?" He walked to my right, hands in his pocket and much too cheery this early in the morning.

"I'm sure it can only get better." I mumbled.

"That's the spirit!"

"...whatever."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

How wrong could I be. The once simple act of buying groceries became a hellish nightmare with my new shopping partner.

"Kakashi!"

"Yo."

"What are you doing here?"

"Helping Akiko here buy groceries."

"Lucky bastard. I wish I had a girlfriend as cute as yours."

Kakashi preened.

"Hey, if he gives you any trouble just say the word okay?"

"Thanks but we're not going out."

"Oh...would you like to go on a date?" Evidently 'subtle' wasn't in his vocabulary.

"Hey HEY Kakashi I was just kidding!"

CRASH! Evidently subtle wasn't in Kakashi's either.

"What's going on?!"

"Amazing! Oh, my friend here is demonstrating the latest techniques...you should watch they're quite educational."

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the store."

"Hey! Wait! That's not-"

"Please leave the store, sir."

I watched Kakashi grin and wave to the other ninja as he was hustled out of the vegetable section. "That wasn't very nice."

"Carrots next right?"

"Yeah. Carrots."

He started humming wandering farther down the isle with the shopping basket dangling crookedly from one elbow, epitome of a purposeful housewife. I shook my head and followed.

There was a definite sense of relief when I finally got home. He came in long enough to get the credit for my unchanged state of pristine health walked outside ("Can I have the book?" "No.") and left to train with his fellow ninja.

While he demonstrated the mystacal art of evaporating I pondered philosophical thoughts like "is ninja plural ninjas or ninji?" and if you used the rong term consistantly would they leave you alone?

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"_Kakashi you're late again!"_

"_This pretty girl was being seduced but I could tell he wanted her body not her mind. I just had to step in."_

"_Yeah yeah...more practice today._

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"That was certainly nice of him to walk you there and back... Akiko honey where is the broccoli?"

"...amongst the fallen grapefruit pyramid."

"I'll give Kanoi a call. I can't believe you forgot the broccoli! You're usually so dependable Akiko. I understand if you were a little distracted though." She winked and headed for the phone.

"That's not the way it happened..." I sighed and turned away, she was already on the phone chatting. My eyes fell on our little 'goodluck' dragon that looked out across the foyer. It was immortalized with a charming little grin. I glared. "What are you smiling at?"

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"...so then he has his team of genins 'infiltrate' my house to get the book. Can you believe this guy?"

"Wow that really sucks, why don't you just give it to him?"

"Mom came home and saw him. Sadly no more needs to be said."

"Damn, can't say she doesn't appreciate ninjas for what they are."

"I wish my brother was still home, then she could fawn over his abilities and it wouldn't make a difference if the Hokage was suddenly my best friend."

"True, but the Hokage isn't a guy and most certainly isn't just about your age either."

"You can drop that thought right now."

"Yeah yeah. Anyway here's the store!"

"I don't want to show my face in there again, can you just buy it really quick? I'll give you the money."

"Sure. I understand completely."

"Wipe that smirk off your face and get me my broccoli."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

do the dividi's help? dividers? dividees?

I tried to do smiley faces but they didn't come up, neither did the little curls or the star signs....ah well.


	4. Scribble scribble

I plunked myself down on a bench across from the grocery store. It was hot, the sun was just about straight up in the sky and not many people were stupid enough to wander around in the heat. I leaned back into the shade and closed my eyes savoring a breeze as it ruffled my hair moaning as I recalled all that had happened.

"Excuse me for prying but I couldn't ignore such a pretty girl who seemed distressed."

I turned to my left, another ninja had appeared on the bench right next to me. The whole 'pop up' thing was number four on my 'why I hate ninjas' list if you wanted to know.

"No, not really." I answered. "Just enjoying the breeze."

"Are you sure? If you don't want to tell me about it I understand. It has been my experience though that unspoken problems never find solutions."

There was a slightly off key note of truth in his statement; enough that I spontaneously decided that I really might need help on this matter. The only ninja in the family had moved out. The one sitting next to me looked pretty friendly although getting on in the years.

"Well you see..."

HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI

"-and frankly I don't know what to do about it." I finished.

He scribbled a couple more notes in his little book and nodded. "That's quite a difficult situation you're in." he agreed.

"No kidding. Any advice on how to get out of it? I mean you are another ninja, is there something that you all universally try to avoid?"

He glanced at me out of the corner of his eye. "You could turn into a psychopathic killer."

I laughed weakly. "Any other choices?"

"Hmmm." He rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Are you sure you want to get out of this situation?"

"Hmmm difficult question...YES!"

"Why? Is he ugly?"

"No...not really. He's kind of cute and I guess he's funny. In fact he'd be a pretty likable guy if it weren't for the circumstance." He continued writing in his book.

"Well what's the problem then."

"Well the circumstance for one."

"...hmmmmm."

"Do you think if I tried to be really shy he'd go away? Maybe just get bored of me or something?"

He paused, pen over paper. "Nah...too cliché. I mean—ninjas kind of like that! Sharp contrast to the harsh job requirements you know."

"Oh, right."

"Maybe I should just give him the book."

"NO! That would be...giving in. That's the only trouble you're causing him in return for all he's done to you. If you give it up there's no way to get back at him, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. Well I can't be shy, can't be normal, heh maybe I should throw myself at him?"

Scribble scribble pause. "That might work..."

"On the other hand, what would I do if he took me seriously? Ulgh, ditch that idea."

"Mmm hmmm." Scribble scribble.

"I suppose I could randomly take interest in another guy, but there's no one I like and like before if they took me seriously...there has to be some sort of solution."

Pause. "Why don't you make a bet over the book."

I twisted to look at him. "What do you mean a bet?"

Furious scribbling. "A bet, with the book as the prize. That way it's not relinquishing it but if you win you could make him leave you alone. You'll just have to make sure he agrees to the bet, somehow set it up so that he can't resist taking you up on it."

"What could I possibly offer besides the book? I mean if he waits long enough another copy will come through anyway. He really doesn't need it and I haven't finished it yet."

"What book is it? I might be able to get another copy fairly quick. I have connections in the publishing area."

"Really? That would be great."

"Well, what book is it?"

"...well...promise not to laugh?"

"On my honor as a shinobi."

"Well I really haven't had much time to read it, a friend suggested it to me and I just kind of bought it. Just like that you know."

"What's the title?"

I hesitated but for extra copy though this was the quickest route. "Volume seven of Come Come Paradise?"

The pen flipped out of his hand and we both watched it arc through the air and land on the dusty street. He grinned very oddly and then glanced my way. I squirmed.

"Really?"

"Yes?"

He leaned forward, grabbing his pen and brushing dust off the tip. "I'll see what I can do about it. I can't make any promises though."

"What should I do in the meantime then?"

"I'd say go for the bet idea, just incase. This could take a while, the publishing industry aren't the compliant type."

"I still don't know anything that would make him agree to the bet though."

"You'll have to be sneaky, calculating, listen to him and find out what might make a good bribe for his side of the bet. Then all you have to do is set the terms."

If his pen was a kunai the book would be shredded the way he was going at it. "What happens if I loose the bet though?"

"Either....he likes you and its more than the book, or..._scribble scribble..._ he's got the book and is out of your life?"

"But what if it's the first one?"

He smiled knowingly. "Well I guess you'll just have to think about that when you get there."

"You're right...Oh hi Kanoi!"

"Akiko, who's your friend?"

"Oh, this is Jiraiya-sama. He's helped me come up with a plan."

"Great! Hey I really appreciate you doing this you know."

"No problem at all, she's been...an inspiration to me as well."

"Hmmm you know I swear your name sounds probably. Ah well I've got to go. Good luck Akiko-chan, if you need any more help I'll be around town for a couple of weeks."

"Thanks so much Jiraiya-sama!"

"You're welcome. Good day Ladies."

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

We waited for him to disappear down the street before turning to face each other. "You know I swear I've heard his name before too." I commented.

"Yeah, it's just at the edge of my mind but I can't seem to pin it down..."

"It'll come to us eventually."

"Yeah. No hurry."

HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI

"Hey, Amazuki!"

"Jiraiya-sama, always a pleasure. What can I do for you today?"

"You know my latest book?"

"Volume Seven, I just approved the regular distributions to the whole of Konoha."

"I want you to hold them back. In fact I want you to recall all unsold copies."

"What! But Jiraiya-sama the readers have been waiting, we're expecting to make record sales with this one!"

"IF YOU WANT ANOTHER SCRIPT FROM ME YOU'LL RECALL THEM!"

"Right away Jiraiya-sama. I can have them all back in two days is that okay?"

"Perfect Amazuki, knew I could count on you!"

"My... pleasure Jiraiya-sama."

"I'll tell you when it's okay to redistribute, but until then I better not see even one issue. Got it?"

"Of course Jiraiya-sama."

"Good. Have a nice day Amazuki."

HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI

That night I scraped my mind for some sort of 'bribe' that would be tempting to an ANBU. A new mask perhaps? A set of shuriken? A job that didn't involve bloodshed?

HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI HIHIHI

"I'm sorry Mr. Hatake, that book seems to have been unexpectedly recalled for some reason."

"Recalled?"

"Yes, every single copy we've checked all the suppliers I'm sorry."

"Maa maa, tell me if you get any in then."

"Of course Hatake-sama."


	5. Waffles

"Good morning Akiko."

I blinked at them, shielding my eyes against the sun. "What are you doing here?"

Takeshi smiled. "I don't know, what do you do in a bookstore?"

Kanoi rolled her eyes and mouthed 'wise ass' to me. I couldn't help but grin, and then turn back to the boxes we were shuffling through.

Three more shipments and not a sign of a second book. Damn. I tipped a stack back into the box and dusted my hands. "Can we help you?"

He shrugged and smiled. "Just came to see how you were doing."

"Are you spying on us?" Kanoi burst incredulously.

He shook his head violently. "No. Why would I be spying on _you?_"

"Jerk."

"By choice."

I huffed and turned back to sorting the books. Might as well get some work done, despite the distraction. It didn't take long for the two of us to realize though that he wasn't about to leave.

"You've gotta have something better to do than just stand there and watch us…"

"Well, actually…"

"Damn are all ninjas like you? Vegetable impersonators? Do you all just laze around?"

"No, there are ninjas who train obsessively I'm just not one of them."

"Ha, yeah right. Name one that does."

"Maito Gai."

"Who?"

"What you haven't heard of Konoha's beautiful green beast?"

Kanoi shook her head at me, negative. "No."

"Well he's one so there."

"Was there a point to that?"

"Yeah, I just proved you wrong. Duh."

I cupped the empty boxes and stood. "Congrats to you." He looked much too smug for just naming a ninja. "Kanoi, want to get something to eat?"

If she had never picked up a hint in her life, she would have gotten that one. "Sure."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"So I figure we go talk to that Gai guy. After all if he's really into training a sparring match would probably be a welcome change right?"

"I guess, I mean it might not be serious enough for whatever routine he does usually though. A break from training may not be appreciated."

"The least we can do is ask."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

I raised my hand to knock on the door but it was flung inwards just as my knuckles were about to meet wood. We both tottered slightly in wake of the suction as the retreating door drew air into the apartment. I hadn't even seen the door move until my hand 'passed' through it.

"WELCOME! Please enter my humble home and accept what meager hospitality I can offer to two young flowers of Konoha!"

"…"

"…"

"I see…it is not so surprising that a maiden as beautiful as yourself is plagued by such a ninja, but I Maito Gai will see justice done!"

"So you'll challenge him to a fight?"

"Yes! Fate will guide the fists of the righteous in this just battle!"

"Ahhh…alright, are you sure you're okay with this though. I mean there are probably better things to do than this…"

"Nothing takes precedence over the protection of Konoha's female population."

"Okay okay. Just make sure you get the conditions right. Remember I'm still not sure what he'll demand as his part of the deal which is why it's so important you win."

"I will not fail you!"

"…good to know. Well…thank you very much then Maito-sama."

"Please, for such lovely young women call me Gai."

"Thank you Gai-sama. You've been most helpful." Kanoi spoke crisply. "We really must be going though, time waits for no man, or woman."

We jumped up and left the apartment. The stage was set. I was going to go home and sleep through the entire battle and then play the part of the relieved damsel in distress afterwards.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"_Hatake Kakashi!"_

"_Huh?"_

"_I Maito Gai, Konoha's beautiful green beast challenges you to a duel!"_

"_Um…"_

"_If I win you shall leave the lovely Akiko Kusangi in peace! Do you accept?"_

"_Um…I'm not Kakashi, he is."_

"_Yo."_

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

Come Come Paradise was definitely an interesting read it was only due to the stress of the day that I managed to fall asleep with the pages still open to one of the most active scenes in the book. I had been pushing myself though, it was four in the morning when I had finally fallen on top of my covers with the flashlight still haphazardly aimed towards my novel.

I was not even halfway through the book yet.

Actually that was a good thing though, because if my fingers hadn't been positioned to hold it open I wouldn't have felt it being pulled from my hand.

I jerked upright, yanking the book away and then blinking furiously to try and improve my night vision. When I could vaguely make out outlines I began to look for what had happened.

Kakashi waved cheerfully from my open window. "Good morning sunshine!"

I threw a half hysterical glance at the alarm clock: 5:29. I had gotten one and a half hours of rest.

"Don't you people sleep?"

He tilted his head comically. "Once in a blue moon."

I flopped back onto the covers. "That's today right?"

"Hahaha, nope. Full moon tonight, well this morning, can't you see it…it's right there just a little south of north…"

"What?!"

"My ears hear the plea of a maid in distress!"

I looked up again as quickly as possible but not soon enough to see them move. Yes, them. Kakashi was now standing somewhat close to the center of my room and another figure was taking up the window ledge standing akimbo and much too excited for 5:30 in the morning.

I moaned denial and tried to bury my head back into my pillow.

"Kakashi-my eternal rival, how I am shamed to find you engaged in such demeaning activities! My heart is forever wounded that such a respected rival should fall to such lowly crimes!"

"Yo."

"Ahh such a new aged response, I am overwhelmed!"

"Akiko?! Is there someone in there with you?"

The last vestiges of sleep winked out of my mind. Shit Mom! Dad! Ninjas! Two of them in my bedroom at 5:30 in the frigging morning. "Hide dammit." I hissed as telltale steps resounded in the hallway.

Thank goodness neither of my parents were ninjas, or they would have been easily able to sense the intense glare match that Kakashi and the other ninja exchanged before both of them dove into the shadows of my room.

I pretended to blink sleep from my eyes as the door opened, rubbing them for extra effect. "Huh?" I responded eloquently.

"Akiko-honey I thought I heard voices, are you alright?"

Yawn. "Yeah. I'm fine."

"You sure? I don't know, maybe I better wake your father he'll know if anything's amiss. Or better yet! I could call Kakashi, with all his experience I bet it'd only take a look just to make sure."

On cue there was a poof of smoke. "Is something wrong?"

"Ah Kakashi! I was just about to call you!"

I buried my face in my hands digging my fingers into my hair. Why couldn't he have stayed hidden? And it's not like jumping three feet with a poof of smoke was anything to be amazed at.

"Really?" I could feel the smirk creep across the mask. "Good morning Akiko."

It was looking to be a bad day.

"Yes! We were just waking up and heard voices in Akiko's room. I was worried that someone might be breaking in or something…"

There was another poof. "Highly unlikely ma'am. We were the only ninja in the area I would have surly felt the malicious intent should anyone wish your lovely daughter ill!"

"Ah! Kakashi is this a friend of yours."

"Aa…"

"I am Gai! Konoha's beautiful green beast and Kakashi's eternal rival! And it is an honor to meet such a devoted and caring mother such as yourself!"

"It's an honor to meet you Gai-sama, call me Mrs. Kisuki. It's so comforting that so many people are watching over her, I'm truly grateful. If you wait a little while I was just about to make breakfast…?"

"Home cooked food is the best nourishment there is!"

"Wonderful! You'll stay too won't you Kakashi?"

"Of course."

"Wonderful! Akiko since you're awake why don't you help me make some waffles. I bet they're famished Gai do you eat as many as Kakashi?"

"I eat _more_ than Kakashi!"

"I'll start right away! Come on the kitchen is this way. Wake up Akiko, the sun is rising!"

I tried to glare at her but when I'm tired it comes over as zoning out. I slid out of bed, stuffing feet into cold slippers and wrapping bathrobe around my pajamas. As soon as they left I was going back to bed.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

We ended up running out of eggs. They ate us full out. How? I don't know, I was too busy robotically cooking waffles over a hot grill at 5:45 in the morning. I was too busy reliving those last few moments I had spent in bed to take note of the marathon going on behind me. Mom said it was one of the most extraordinary breakfasts she'd ever seen.

"I demand a rematch!"

I looked up from the waffle iron glancing over my shoulder. Gai was leaning across the table, his vest millimeters away from knocking over the pitcher of maple syrup. His hand was also pointed straight at Kakashi whose mask was still in place but whose plate was suspiciously empty. At the demand his visible eyebrow twitched.

I sighed and turned back to the waffle iron. I guess that means he lost the fight. What a shame. It was such a good idea too.

"Okay."

My ears perked up. Did he just agree?

"To the training ground then."

"Maa maa, I'm not done with breakfast yet. Let's do a game of intelligence. Akiko, do you have a shougi set?"

It was in my best interest too, so instead of telling him to piss off I walked into the lounge and pulled it off the bookshelf placing it on the living room table. "I don't want it to get syrup on it, so play in here okay?"

"Yup."

"O-Kay!"

I wandered back into the kitchen and stealthily began removing dirty plates. I could finally stop slaving over the waffle iron; it took effort not to leap with joy. Actually it didn't, I was too tired I probably couldn't have jumped if I had wanted to.

I could still jump when surprised though. I could still hear Kakashi and Gai when a hand landed on my shoulder. I gasped and jerked away, the remaining waffles on the plate I was holding flying into the air.

Obito's hand tightened on my shoulder, his other reaching into the air and snatching a handful of the waffles out of the air. Takeshi behind him grabbed the remaining few, experimentally taking a bite out of the corner.

"Hey Akiko, did you make these?"

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

I brought another plate of waffles into the living room handing it directly to Takeshi's waiting hands. He immediately ripped a strip off of one of the squares and stuffed the end into his mouth.

"These are great, I never get to eat waffles."

"Thanks"

Gai suddenly thrust a fist into the air. "Ah HA! Take This!" Snatching up a piece he slammed it down onto the shougi board. It was actually an incredibly good move, I hadn't even seen it.

Obito sipped his green tea. "That was a very good move."

Takeshi nodded vigorously. "You're in trouble now Kakashi."

"Victory will be mine!"

I let a small smirk creep across my face.

Kakashi frowned and stared harder at the board.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"I give up."

Gai cheered. Obito leaned back into the armchair, bringing his cup to his mouth again only to realize it was empty, and had been empty the last four times he'd taken a 'drink.' I'd counted.

"Well Kakashi, I bet you didn't expect this outcome." Takeshi joked, giving Gai a high-five.

The winner was smiling fit to blind someone. "That makes it one for one! We are even!"

Kakashi leaned back in the three person couch lazily draping an arm over the back. "Can't win them all. Might as well play one more game though, just to settle things…besides I bet Akiko's just itching to get a winner."

I narrowly avoided spewing juice all over the carpet. The alternative wasn't much better, it redirected itself down my windpipe. Obito snagged my cup from my hands as my lungs protested and Takeshi pounded lightly on my back.

"That stuff does less harm to your stomach you know." He commented grinning.

I ignored him and glared daggers at Konoha's beautiful green beast who laughed nervously and scratched the back of his head.

"I was tricked into mentioning your name."

"That must be some trick, it was the second thing you said." Obito murmured offhandedly.

Kakashi was grinning at me way too smugly. "I think we should up the stakes."

"To go back on a deal, have you no honor!?" Gai demanded.

All expression dropped from the ANBU's face. "It is not going back on our deal, if anything your rematch would be questioning the sanctity of our agreement. I did win you realize, even go so far as to agree to a rematch without collecting on my side of the bargain yet."

"What will you change…exactly…"

"The time is doubled to two hours."

"This is trickery, you maneuvered me into upping the bet!"

"You allowed yourself to be maneuvered then." He replied happily.

"Well then I get to change my side of the bet too."

"Go ahead."

"To be fair, I'll demand the same!"

This turned a few heads. What was going on? What would Kakashi need tickets for, what would Gai need tickets for? What was the original bet, this didn't sound like what Kanoi, Gai and I'd worked out during out little chat session. Things were getting out of control. I didn't like this. I didn't like this one bit.

"Wait wait wait…I'm confused. What was the bet?"

Kakashi turned a lazy eye to me. "Don't you know?" His visible eye closed as he smiled. "Why don't you tell her Gai?"

…what. No way…

I swiveled to face Gai. "Gai…?"

He smiled uncertainly for a moment before flashing his teeth and a thumbs up sign. "The bet has changed but fear not I shall not loose."

But what was going to happen if he won?


	6. Jenga and carrots

The evening only got scarier from there. They played, Go, checkers, candy-land. The betwent from movie tickets to concert tickets to concert and ramen, and slowly climbed up through Konoha's more elite restaurants.

Although the way they were going neither would ever be able to call in on the bet.

I yawned behind my hand and blearily watched as Kakashi pulled another block out of the Jenga tower. It teetered but held. Takeshi clapped and whistled. Obito looked up and then buried his nose back into the tactics book he had snagged off the bookshelf. Said bookshelf was quickly running out of different games for them to play. Any game would do too. Tic-tac-toe had happened a long time ago, as well as dots. They hadn't touched the deck of cards yet, but that would start a whole new round of furious gaming that would last for hours at least.

Kakashi surveyed the stack and karate punched a block. The whole tower shifted and fell an inch, miraculously not falling. I covered my face with my hands. Would it never stop?

"It is a race to see who will mess up first then." Obito commented from behind the book.

Takeshi grinned. "So are we going to do this instead of training again tomorrow?"

Obito scowled. "You two just got out of it today because I hadn't eaten breakfast yet."

I curled back up on my place at the other end of Kakashi's couch. Obito, Takeshi and Gai were using up the three arm chairs and the fourth was to far to be in on the action. Sitting on the floor would be completely tactless.

"Why don't you skip it tomorrow and make us all happy."

"Not all of us." I murmured.

"I guess that answers your question Takeshi."

"Aww, what a shame I really enjoyed the waffles this morning."

"If we're not welcome we won't come." That was Kakashi I was pretty sure.

"It's not like we won't be welcome."

"It's the theory of the situation Takeshi."

"It's just not honorable."

"We're honorable, since when?"

"You have no tact my friend."

"Obito…that's not nice."

"The truth hurts, not usually this much. I'm surprised you care."

"Well…I actually don't, but don't tell everyone or anything. It's a secret you know."

"A secret? You actually know what one is?"

"Hey…."

I settled my head back onto the armrest and watched Gai pull a block out faster than I could see. In the pile-in his hand. I didn't blink.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Akiko-honey."

"Akiko…wake up…"

Mom? Familiar black hair swam into vision. I rubbed my eyes and sat up pushing the blanket off me. Blanket?

When had I gone to bed? Where did everyone go? When did Mom get home? It was light outside the window. Light? Morning? Last time I'd checked it wasn't even dinner time…

"Honey you're going to be late for class."

Holy shit it was tomorrow already! Or rather today was yesterday's tomorrow…or….Damnit I could ponder it all later. Mom smiled and left as my mouth dropped open.

I flung myself towards my dresser, slipping and crashing as the books beneath my feet slipped. I landed face first in a mess of my own reading material. Someone had toppled a pile and they were all over the floor.

The suddenly 'cute' gesture of tucking me in evaporated in the face of my neatly stacked library now tiling the floor. Who had carried me? Not that it mattered, but…but it didn't matter.

I wiggled into a new shirt. I was still wearing yesterday's lounging gear. The four of them earned some definite points for not thinking that I had to go to bed without anything less than my socks. My hair tie, had been taken out. I wasn't sure what to think of that. I tamed the mess with a brush and slipped into some jeans before dashing downstairs.

Despite common illusions we never usually ate hot food for breakfast. At least I usually didn't. I filled a bowl with cereal added milk and sugar to sweeten the deal and started shoveling the melting mush into my mouth.

Moments later I was out the door running at a perfected speed that would get me to the city library in ten minutes. With two minutes to spare I slipped into a free chair in one of the small conference rooms. I tuned in as the teacher began to talk.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

The little bell tinkled as I pushed open the door. Kanoi glanced up from her book and then glanced back down.

"Having a bad day?" I asked.

"No, I'm just mad at you."

Unusual. "What did I do?"

"So what happened yesterday?"

"What do you mean?"

"You said you were going to come over, but you never made it dummy."

"Oh…well Kakashi came over, with Gai, and Takeshi and Obito kinda appeared too."

"You couldn't take a few minutes to visit after they left."

"Well…they stayed pretty late."

"So you didn't even call to say you weren't coming."

"I forgot…I was a little distracted I guess."

"I don't want to hear your excuses."

"Did you stay up waiting for me or something?"

"No."

"So what's the problem?"

"I was bored. All day."

I slipped the book out of my bag, cover still obscured by the book sock, and began to read. "Oh be quiet then."

"So…"

"So what?"

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Did they come over this morning?"

"I'm trying to read."

"Did they come over this morning?"

"They might have. Okay?"

"You didn't see them."

"I had class today."

"When did they leave yesterday?"

"I don't know."

"…you'll have to clarify."

"I sorta fell asleep."

Don't you dare laugh.

"So what happened after that…?"

"I don't know, I was asleep remember?"

"Where are they? I'll ask them."

"I don't know."

"Didn't they come over for breakfast?"

"I don't know, I had class! Are you even listening?"

"That's pretty bizarre. I mean, Kakashi's been coming over for a week or so now."

"Stop saying it like it's a bad thing."

"I wonder if they're okay. You don't think something happened do you?"

"They're ninjas!"

"They're still human."

"They're just more durable, capable humans. I'm okay, so the likelihood that they're okay, is higher."

"You're not worried at all, are you?"

"Why should I be?"

"Aren't they you're friends?"

"I've only known them for a week, less even."

"I think you should go check on them."

"All of them?"

"No, just check with Gai and Kakashi or Obito."

"Gai's never come over before, this is normal for him."

"You got him into the whole spat with Kakashi. You owe them that much."

"I don't owe them anything, he agreed, they agreed! They did it differently than we planned it!"

"Akiko."

"Do you know what they bet's evolved into?"

"Akiko."

"The problem just multiplied itself. Rabbit pace!"

"I'm not going to stop talking until you go."

I snapped the book shut and stuffed it in my shoulder bag. "I don't want to."

"You're whining, shut up and go already."

"What will I say once I'm there?"

"You don't have to say anything just go."

"But…"

"Deal with it, get out."

"You keep throwing patrons out like this and you're gonna go out of business."

"Yep yep, stop back and tell me how things are when you get back."

I trudged out of the store and slowly began to make my way towards Gai's apartment. After all he was the only one who's address I knew out of the four of them. If I was in luck he'd know the address of the others. If not…well too bad right?

…or I could check the phone book. Damn. Sometimes I hate being smart.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

Never were basic actions so difficult. I'd so stupidly decided to find out their addresses before I left so I of course knew that out of the four, Kakashi lived closest. Obito lived way on the other side of the city and Takeshi didn't exist on Konoha's map. Gai wasn't a regular so he could wait.

I stood in front of his door, incapable of knocking. I must have looked like a moron. Thank goodness the entrance to his apartment wasn't visible from the street. If anyone saw me I'd die from shame.

"Can I help you dearie?"

Whoops spoke too soon. I spun around and stared up. In front of me was a short little grandma thing. My legs were saying run now ask questions later but my brain was caught up halfway between the idea and the action.

"Uhhh…."

She glanced at Kakashi's door and then back to me. She gave me a big smile. "Looking for someone?"

"Ahhh…..well…"

She laughed and petted a cat which was conveniently draped across her shoulders like some sort of living scarf. It blinked at me. Creepy.

"Why don't you come in and have a cup of tea dearie and you can tell me all about it."

I could handle tea. I nodded mutely and trailed behind her. I sat down at the little round table and stared at the almost neon orange water she poured into my cup.

She smiled and gave a most ungrandma-like cackle. "It's orange-carrot tea. Completely healthy for you."

I took an obligatory sip. It was a very watery unsweetened V8. I managed a second sip.

The old lady, I still didn't know her name, walked over to the counter and matter-of-factly resumed chopping carrots. Made me wonder if the tea was store bought. Sure enough there were oranges in a basket further along the counter. The cat's head kinda lobbed over her shoulder so it could stare at me. The cat was also a bright striped orange. If I placed it on the counter it would pass as a carrot.

A plate with a few slices of bread was placed in front of me. There were little orange chunks poking out of the grain here and there. I took a bite. More carrots.

"So tell me, are you in dear Kakashi-kun's fan club?"

Did I just hear her right? "Beg your pardon."

"Well isn't that nice, it's so rare you find today's youth so polite." She said querulously. "I guess you're not then, Matoko-san usually keeps people updated pretty well."

I was completely lost. "Who?"

"Oh definitely then, Matoko-san, she lives the next building over. Makes great chocolates."

"She gives you chocolates?"

"No."

"So…what?" I settled for the only safe option and took another drink of the tea.

"Would you like some cookies dearie, I just finished making some."

"They don't have carrots in them do they?" I retorted, clapping a hand over my mouth an instant later. That was not what you said to someone old enough to be your grandmother.

Said grandmother burst into a fit of cackles that defied all common archetypes of the elderly. Still laughing she placed another plate in front of me. Chocolate chip.

"I bet you think I'm a nutty old woman. Off my rocker right?"

Chocolate chip cookies, I was back in familiar territory. "No, of course not."

"You don't think that I'm a little odd? Carrot tea, carrot bread. I was going to give you carrot cookies."

"No, not at all. They are healthy for you and all that."

She turned around and walked over to where I was happily munching the world's most delicious serotonin filled food.

"Now young lady, I may be getting on in the years but even an infant could tell that you were lying."

I noticed just then that the knife she used to cut carrots was about a foot long. And poised right in front of my face. I tentatively tried to edge the chairs backwards.

"I didn't mean….!"

"Come on, out with it." She waggled the knife threateningly.

"No really…."

"Just because I'm an old lady you think you can tip toe around me huh?"

I was sufficiently threatened. "Yeah, you're the most bizarre grandma I've ever met. Okay?"

The knife moved away. "See that's what I thought. But you know…" she paused tapping her lip. "I'm not normally like this. Today is just special."

Just my luck. "So what's with all the carrots then?"

"They were on sale! One and a half pounds to the dollar dearie! That's a deal!"

"So you're making insane amounts of tea and bread and cookies."

"And cake! Oh, I have to start on the icing!"

Carrot cake was dirt normal though. I wouldn't mind a slice of that. Carrot cake was great.

"Here, make yourself useful!" A set of keys and a spray bottle were dumped on the table in front of me.

"You want me to do what?"

There was that whole gesturing with the twelve inch blade thing again. "Fill up the bottle with water and go spray the plants."

"You lock your plants up?"

"No silly, do you see any plants in here?"

I could feel the beginnings of annoyance begin to creep up on me. Do not throw a fit at the…grandma like thing. "Well that would have been the purpose of the keys right?"

"The keys are for Kakashi's apartment silly girl."

Woah!

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

It was not trespassing. It was not spying. It was not being a nosy freak where I had no reason to be. I just had to keep telling myself that. Over and over.

The spray bottle was helping my courage immensely. I still checked both ways when I entered the hall. You never knew who was watching. I snuck across the hall, shoved the key into the lock and darted in closing the door quickly behind me. Safe!

There was one plant in sight on the window still above the bead. One little fern like thing. All leaves, no flowers. Was that the only one? I glanced around…two doors.

Were there more plants behind those two doors? I had no idea how many plants there were. I guess…I guess I just had to search the entire apartment. It was perfectly justifiable.

In the end there was only that one little potted plant. I did manage to find out that he had the same shampoo as I did. That was bizarre, it was a very good brand although I didn't think wildflower was a very masculine scent. Perhaps I could bonk him on the head when he got back. I'd be close enough to smell if he really used it then.

He also has the same brand of toothpaste.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

We're not going to pursue that thought any further.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"That one plant must have been awfully thirsty."

I scowled as she cackled. Annoying old biddy. I didn't even bother to defend myself. "I have to go it's getting late." I growled.

'Are you sure you don't want to stay for dinner dear?"

I slammed down the spritzer and keys. "Yep, I've definitely got to go."

"That's too bad, the carrot cake just finished baking."

She pulled it out of the oven just as I was turning to leave. To my horror it smelled wonderful. That…! Cruel and unusual punishment! This was so unfair.

I sighed and rubbed my face. If you scowl too much you get wrinkles you know. "Yeah…that is too bad. Well so long…."

"Call me Clarisse."

I blinked twice and she grinned back at me. "My parents were such big movie fans."

"Right. Well I'm-"

"Akiko-chan. I know who you are honey, the boys talk about you a lot these days."

The boys. Good grief. "Goodbye Clarice."

"Later kiddo."


	7. Philisophical conversations

Kanoi came running out of the shop as I trudged past. Her hands found their way to my shoulders and swiveled me to face her. She frantically scanned my face.

"What happened, you don't look happy?"

I merely shook my head. "You don't want to know."

"Are they okay?"

"Yeah, ninja business I guess."

"You guess? What happened."

"I talked with Kakashi's neighbor."

"And he told you that Kakashi was out."

"She told me to go water his plants."

Kanoi grinned fit to split her face. "In his apartment? Alone?"

I nodded. She squealed. "Ohh so exciting what was it like, you went through his stuff right?"

"Well…he has the same shampoo as me."

That shook her off balance. "But I have the same shampoo as you."

I rolled my eyes. "I guess that means he's got the same shampoo as you too then."

Shell shocked I believe is the term. "No way. Do you think his hair really smells like wildflowers?"

We thought way too alike. I dropped any thoughts about mentioning the toothpaste. "I have no clue Kanoi."

She got that sly look on her face. "Are you going to try and smell him?"

I arched an eyebrow. There was no good response so I shrugged. "I got to go, talk to you tomorrow or something."

"Tell me if he does okay? Later."

I was getting serious doubts of checking up on anyone else ever again. When I grow up I'm going to be a hermit. Seriously.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

I trudged down stairs the next morning to find the four of them at the breakfast table, perfectly healthy. Obito raised his cup in a silent hello.

Kakashi grinned. "I hear you're pretty good at watering plants."

I looked from one grinning face to another and wordlessly turned around and trudged back up the stairs. But my traitorous mouth was smiling.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Akiko-honey, I understand it was with good intentions but next time you feel like going for a stroll through town take Kanoi with you okay? There are so many things that can happen when one is alone. It'll just make me more comfortable okay?"

I rubbed my eyes. Did you know more sleep once you're already awake only serves to make you more tired? Pretty odd huh.

"Akiko…"

"Yes mum." I sighed.

"Oh and Kakashi said Clarisse sent this for you." A plate of carrot cake swam into view. I managed a weak smile. The day was looking up.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

The door swung open as I approached. "How can I…!"

I smiled somewhat on the sadistic side. "Gai. Just the person I needed to talk to."

The grin fell right off his face. "Ahh….well…unfortunately I have to leave…training! To improve and excel at the three areas of a Ninja. It is a never ending task. Later Akiko-chan!"

There was that poof of smoke again. Reason to hate ninjas #...never mind I couldn't remember, but it was on the sheet and it was pretty high up there.

Damn, I still didn't know what the bet had evolved into. And if Gai was avoiding me it couldn't be good. In fact it was downright worrisome.

I closed his door which he had left open in his rush to get away. Training, right. I had to think, alone. There was a nice clearing that bordered the river and a waterfall a little ways into the woods. I pointed my feet in its direction and began to walk.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Akiko-chan…"

I opened my eyes, I was just resting them, really. "Hi Jiraiya-sama what are you doing here?"

A very suspicious blush spread across his face as he hurriedly looked away. I wasn't sure I wanted to know.

"Well…you see…"

I pushed myself off the ground with my elbows. He had a telescope in one hand and that little notebook in another. "Were you collecting information or something?" Spying was something even older ninjas could do I supposed.

"Yes! I was gathering information! Anyway…how are things going." Suspicious…but I guess frumpy old men were entitled to a little bit of privacy, I wouldn't push the issue.

I slumped back onto the grass. The sky was already turning colors as the sun set. Maybe I had been doing a little more than resting my eyes. "Not too good. No offense Jiraiya-sama, your plan was great but not quite idiot proof."

"The bet…worked?"

"Yep, I just don't know what the bet is anymore. No one will tell me either."

"They changed the bet on you?"

"Yeah. I'm worried about it. I don't know what's going on anymore."

Out came that little notebook with its complementary pencil. "Who won?"

"Did you just remember something or…" I looked pointedly at the pencil and pad.

"Yes, a minor but perhaps important detail from a bit of spying I had to do earlier."

Okay, so it was ninja business. Frumpy old men didn't have lives outside of work I guessed. "Well…Kakashi won the first round."

"First…"

"And then Gai won the second round."

"Maito Gai? As in Konoha's…"

"Yes! Yes Yes him!" I glared. "Is there anyone else who would do it?"

He tapped the pencil against his mouth. "Well…not really."

"Don't sound so surprised then." I retorted.

That earned me a grin. "Who do you want to win?"

I moaned and rolled onto my stomach. "I don't know…I don't even know what the bet is remember?"

"If it didn't involve you who would you want to win." He pressed.

I stared at the grass. "Kakashi."

"Suck it up then, Kakashi's never taken to anyone before. Seize the opportunity."

It was time for a bit of hard truth. "Damnit fine, I like him but it isn't worth having the rest of my life come down around my ears. My mother's alternatively pushing me towards him and taking away my freedoms. Dad's practically treating him like part of the family. Kanoi's getting mad at me over what I do and don't do for him. It's my life damnit! It may sound wimpy but I don't know if I want to give up my plain, reliable life for a relationship that I don't even know will work. Yeah he's never taken to anyone before, that doesn't mean he hasn't had non-bonding relationships. He's got a freaking fan club for goodness sake."

"So what are you going to do about it?"

"Move in with my brother." I sighed.

"You think that he'll scare him away?"

"No need. He lives in the wild. I won't have to see either ever again."

The pencil and pad went away. "Akiko…"

I instinctively knew I wouldn't like what was coming next. "That's Akiko-chan Jiraiya-sama."

He sighed. I knew I was being difficult, but I knew a lecture when I heard it. "Akiko-chan…you have to take things slow. As a ninja I can tell you that you'll regret ninety nine out of a hundred rash decisions that you make. Trust me, you don't want to go overboard like that. If you decide later on that it was wrong, and you want to undo it, it will be a lot harder later on to undo it."

He was all of a sudden sounding more like my father than a confident. I fought the urge to scowl.

"If you're certain I won't stop you."

How cliché, of course he wouldn't stop me. What kind of guy was he anyway, it wasn't really any of his business anyway.

"…so stay with it, stick it out. It might turn out better than you think."

I scoffed. "Frankly Jiraiya-sama, that's entirely too possible because I'm expecting the absolute worst here."

He sighed. "You youngsters are all so cynical. Where's the 'hope for the best' part?"

Where had my childhood wonder gone? A friend had actually taught me a song that explained it. After a moment of racking my memory…I had it.

"Childhood was for fairytales for nursery rhymes and toys,

the world was much too busy to please small girls and boys.

When I grew up I realized that life was not a game…

that heroes were just people they called another name.."

He didn't have anything to say to that. I felt bitterly satisfied. I wish he had said something. But he didn't, and I wasn't going to take them back. So we both sat in silence until the stars came out and I trudged home leaving him in the clearing.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Akiko honey, I thought I talked to you about going out at night. You just can't keep doing this. Sooner or later something's going to happen. Tempting fate like this isn't wise. Akiko are you listening? You're not allowed out on your own until your father and I can trust you again, do you understand me?"

I walked past her trudging up the stairs shuffling through the mess of books on my floor to flop limply onto my bed. I didn't even bother to turn the lights on, and the drapes kept the moonlight…or prowling ninja from seeing inside. Why was everything going so crazy when I was the same I'd always been.

I watched an hour flicker by in the face of my electric alarm clock and then dredged up pen and paper and began writing a letter to my brother.


	8. sick

I didn't feel well the next morning. It might have had something to do with not eating dinner the night before. It certainly wasn't the right time of month for cramps. If I was being grounded I'd use every opportunity to get out of the house though. I dragged myself out of bed, mechanically eating a breakfast of cereal and marching out of the door early enough so I could walk. I had a feeling that running with an upset stomach might have bad consequences.

Class seemed endless, concentration impossible because of the unrest in my abdomen. I stumbled out of the room and homeward, it was a good time to take the sneaky shortcut through backyards. Suddenly being grounded didn't matter. I wanted to be back in bed lying down, now.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

KNOCK KNOCK

"Mrs. Kisuki?"

Her heart did a little flip in relief. "Gai-San!" Oh thank goodness! It was blessing that he had arrived just now.

"Is Akiko here? I have to…explain something." He fidgeted nervously. Guiltily! Could he…?

"Gai-San do you have anything to do with this?" she asked coldly.

"I do!" With a cry of anguish he fell to his knees. "I'm so very sorry Mrs. Kisuki, I was rash and foolish and disclosed Akiko-chan's preference for the challenge. I take full responsibility for the bet going the way it has!"

What! "I don't care about a bet between children! Akiko hasn't come back from her class today and she was supposed to come straight home." She stated firmly. "Akiko and the rest of my family is the most important thing to me. Do you know anything about it?"

The ninja shot to his feet. "No…I had no idea…I…I will check immediately to see if anything has happened to her!"

He spun around to go. "Gai-San!"

"Yes!"

"I…I found a letter in her room. It's addressed to her brother….I don't know if it's the first…but she talks about going to visit him."

"…I check the route to her class, and get Kakashi."

"Thank you Gai-san. Do you know where it is?"

"Most are held at the library…"

"Yes…yes. Thank you."

He nodded and disappeared.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

My stomach wasn't upset anymore. It was furious. I sat up on the bed feeling something coming up where stuff was only supposed to go down. "I'm gonna hurl." I chocked out.

A hand grabbed my arm and another pressed on my back, jerking me to my feet and through a sliding door. I knelt at the toilet and emptied my stomach. The same hands pulled my hair out of the way of my eyes, and everything else that it might have gotten in the way of. Was that tempura? I felt the familiar weight of a ponytail land on my back a few moments later as I dry heaved a couple times. I guess my stomach was just checking to make sure it had got it all.

The toilet had lost the automatic filth that accompanies something that touches people's naked butts. I bent an arm along the seat and rested my head against it, uncertain if my body was done or not. I croaked out a thank you before I began to retch again.

Neither of us talked the rest of the night, my mouth was preoccupied spewing hydrochloric acid. I guess he just wasn't talkative. Yeah, he. I'd never seen a girls hands with nails clipped that short or with calluses that thick on their palms. He was a ninja too.

At least my mum would take it easier on me if I had one for a witness. Ninjas make it all better.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

It was morning when I woke up. Early morning. You can always feel the moisture of the dew in the air when it's really early. Plain wooden flats made up the ceiling above me, the walls were a traditional white plaster. Wow. I had been taken in by a rich ninja guy. Traditional houses cost a fortune to build…or inherit.

To my left there was a dresser, a desk, a chair, a dark haired ninja in the chair, an open bathroom door and a closed door. To my right, a wall decorated with a single boringly patterned scroll.

I counted my lucky stars that I'd been found without being murdered and proceeded to feel hungry. I was once again functioning normally. The enemy had been forcefully jettisoned all last night.

The crumpled mass of shirt and hair twitched where it was sprawled across the desk. I watched curiously as a head appeared out of the nest of hair and calmly met the two black eyes that peered out from long black bangs.

"Sorry I took your bed."

"Don't worry about it."

"I never said I'd worry about it, I said I was sorry." Meet the morning me. I slapped a hand to my forehead. "Sorry I'm not feeling my best."

"Don't…never mind."

I laughed, silently, until my stomach hurt on top of the hunger. When the pain overrode the amusement I stopped and reality set in. "Thanks for taking care of me, but I should get home. I've been out all night as is, I'll be in luck if I don't have to wear a tracking device for the next five years."

"I see."

"No offense to your hospitality or anything, I'm deeply grateful."

He nodded, it would seem solemn except for the mess that framed his head and shoulders. He had pretty long hair for a guy. Not as long as Jiraiya-samas by a long shot, but enough. It seemed kinda sad. I wordlessly handed him the brush off the nightstand as I stood.

A smile, or perhaps a smirk flickered across his face. "There's a change of clothes in the bathroom if you want to shower."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

It was completely inappropriate to stay any longer, and doubly so to engage in any form of nudity. Mom was probably in hysterics, Dad would be ready to kill someone and practically every ninja that money could buy would be tracking me down. In a shower would be the worst place to be found…but I felt filthy. I had thrown up all night, was still wearing yesterday's clothes and wanted to get all traces of sickness out of my skin. I walked into the bathroom and closed the door behind me.

Showers never feel as good as after being sick. It felt like I was washing off a layer of slime.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

True to his word there was a shirt and pants ready for me. I smelled them out of curiosity, they were clean. Not that I would have complained.

He wasn't in the room once I was done, swimming in the shirt and waddling in the pants. I guess that he was a lot taller standing than sitting. I could have worn six inch heels and you still wouldn't have seen my toes. I felt like a cat lost under a blanket.

After a brief but thorough check of the room, I collected my stuff and adventured out into the hallway. There were a series of closed doors that I ignored, following the yellow brick road so to speak. I walked around a courtyard through a large empty dojo down another corridor and into a quaint little kitchen that was completely out of proportions to the rest of the house.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Know how to make onigiri?"

I set my small bundle of stuff onto one of the chairs and shuffled my way over to the counter where he was working, taking a paddle-full of rice and molding. Shape, squish, repeat. Shape, squish, repeat. I was a little bit hampered by the long sleeves of the shirt that wanted to get a taste of the rice balls. The shower had awaken me enough that when he finally sighed, grabbed a wrist and began folding the cuffs over I didn't snap at him. I munched on the half formed ball in my other hand while he meticulously gave me double layered two inch long cuffs. Then we began to make rice balls again. It was almost poetic.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

It would have made a good haiku.

In the kitchen

Shape squish repeat

We make breakfast

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

We made quite a few. It made me wonder if he was expecting me to stay.

It seemed to take only an instant before the whole bowl of rice was empty, cleaned and replaced in the cooker. Just as quickly the onigiri were wrapped and packaged so they wouldn't fall apart. Even though they were quality made rice balls you gotta be careful.

Then we were standing on his front step, shod and staring into the muted curtains of rain that slithered off the roof and onto the street.

"Where do you need to go?"

I looked at him as he finished. The way he said it seemed half like a question half like a statement. I bet his parents didn't know he had a girl over, overnight. Two nights, twice the naughtiness. There's nothing that satisfies a child like knowing something their parent's don't.

Where did I need to go…where did I want to go…did I want to go?

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Am I a bad mother Takeshi?"

He glanced up from his cup of coffee, his third that morning, and stared at the woman across the table. Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and dark with insomnia. "No Mrs. Kisuki. I don't think anyone would ever want to leave someone as kind and caring as you."

"So you think something must have happened to her then?"

Oh, he didn't want this right now. "I'm sure she's fine. She probably just fell asleep somewhere or something."

"Why is it taking so long to find her then?"

Well that was an easy one. She had collapsed in a back yard not a few blocks away and then seemed to have evaporated into thin air. No tracks, no nothing. Kakashi's dogs were having a hard time since it had started raining that afternoon. He was still out searching with Obito. Had been since the night before. It was either an incredible meeting of unfortunate conditions, or a very skilled ninja. Which most likely meant…

"The tracking dogs are just having a little difficulty because of the rain. There's really nothing to worry about."

Mrs. Kisuki smiled, and he smiled back. He hoped the hope he gave wouldn't turn around and bite him. She looked so relieved.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

They were circling the area where she had disappeared when suddenly Pakkun swerved off course towards the East. It was the first clue in over eight hours. He followed the nin dog across the roofs and landed gracefully on the street. Through the rain he could make out a small silhouette huddled against the rain and plodding along towards him.

She noticed him when they were about three yards away, probably catching sight of his feet the way her eyes were downcast. He watched with half cautious half suspicious interest as her eyes made the journey to his face. She had been sick. Her eyes were shadowed and weary. Her body seemed to waver as she stood.

Pakkun trotted off, silently leaving to tell the others. He took those last few steps and steadied her against his chest, securing her in his arms. She was real, real and alive and soaking wet in the cold.

Easily lifting her, he headed towards the Kisuki residence. He'd make her have a hot shower, change into clean dry clothes, fill her with hot food, wrap her in a blanket and then ask where and how she'd acquired men's shirt and pants overnight that were clearly several sizes too large.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

There was much happiness and crying and hugging when he finally made it through the door. Mrs. Kisuki was a women of sense though, and instead of weeping over her wayward child she let him cart her upstairs to the much needed hot shower and clothes while she clung to Mr. Kisuki's shoulder. An hour later he had her rolled up snugly in a blanket and laid out on the couch.

"So what happened?"

She took a sip from her tea. "I wasn't feeling too good. But I went to class anyway."

Mrs. Kisuki nodded. "You left much earlier than usual, I thought that was kinda odd."

Akiko nodded. "My stomach was hurting, running didn't seem like such a good idea so I left early."

"and then."

"Well…class finished and I really wasn't feeling well at that point. I just wanted to get home, and go back to bed so I figured I'd cut through some yards, save a couple minutes get there faster."

"Then you collapsed."

She cradled the cup, taking another sip. "I guess so. I'm not really sure what happened where right then. I woke up in a bed, feeling even worse and spent the rest of the night throwing up." She took another sip. "Not fun."

"Whose house was it, where were you."

Her brow furrowed. "I don't think I remembered to ask his name. He didn't offer it either…hmmm. Guess I don't know who."

A guy. She'd spent the night in the care of another man. He didn't need to think to know that it bothered him. "Can you describe him?"

Pause. "Yes. But I won't. I don't think it'd be a very good way of thanking him."

"We should confirm your story."

She shook her head. "No. I'll retell it in front of a Hyuuga. I won't tell you who, or where."

He stood abruptly. "There are only so many ninja who could have left no trail like he did. It'll be a simple matter of finding out who he is."

"Would you really do that?" She asked.

He met her look hard. "If it was for your own good."

She looked down at the cup of tea, thoughtfully, and took another drink. "And who determines what is for my good or not?"

"Your family, your mother, your father. The ones who stayed up all night worrying about you."

"It's not as if I did this all on purpose, I wasn't in any condition to call and a too disoriented to do much on my own."

"Why didn't your friend call, or at least notify someone?"

"You don't think that taking me in and patiently taking care of me for a whole night was enough?"

"Akiko, a good deed can still be done better. What are you worried about? Why are you protecting him?" He pressed.

"I'm worried that such a big deal will be made of it that the next time someone collapses, no one will help them!" She shouted, then leaping to her feet, ran out of the living room. Leaving them to listen to her scamper up the stairs, her sobs not quite soft enough to pass unnoticed.


	9. Turnips

"Akiko?"

That's right, if you wanted to hide from ninjas you had to lock the door and the window. I'd forgotten the latter.

"Yes Gai?" My eyes were still hot from crying though, and despite the fact that my voice made it painfully obvious I still didn't want him to see my face. I didn't want anyone to see my face. It'd been years since I'd cried like this. I wasn't a little girl anymore, I shouldn't be crying like this.

"I just wanted you to know…the bet…doesn't…directly… involve you."

That was a good piece of news for once. "What do you mean?"

"Well…I can't really tell you…that was part of the bet." He fidgeted uncomfortably. "But this isn't breaking that, I'm not telling you what it is…I'm just telling you what it isn't…." he trailed off uncertainly and then nodded feverishly.

"YES! I have found a way around the rules to ease your worried mind!" he cried triumphantly punching a fist into the air and upsetting my blinds.

I giggled into the pillow. I couldn't see him but my imagination was doing loop de loops with the script.

"Alright, thank you Gai. I'm tired though, can we talk tomorrow or something?"

"Yes! Of course, I shall leave you to your rejuvenation exercises!"

Sleep, rejuvenation exercises I suppose you could call them the same thing. I waited a few more moments after he'd left then shut the window and the blinds. No need to have people peeking in or anything.

That was comforting though…especially with Kakashi acting like it revolved around me. What a jerk, but if the bet didn't really involve me then I suppose it was okay. The rest was just teasing then, not anything really serious. Still…what would he do with two tickets to Konoha's finest sit down restaurant and The Konoha orchestra?

Some part of my brain was tickled several possible scenarios, but I dismissed them quickly. Best not to stick one's neck out when you don't know if you're right or not. It was only idle musing after all. But Gai had said that the bet didn't directly involve me. It might indirectly…that might even be fun.

Okay, he was forgiven, even for the whole interrogation thing this morning. And it if ever came up, I could tell him he owed it go Gai. That would ruffle his feathers some. I smiled and snuggled into the blankets actually intent on sleep this time.

-

"Kiddo!"

I froze in my tracks. That senile crackling voice was not talking to me. I half glanced over my shoulder to see Clarisse strutting her way through the market crowds waving furiously. Her cat was still draped around her shoulders. I wonder how many of the shoppers could tell if it was alive or not.

I waited until she'd caught up with me. "Good morning Clarisse."

"How you been youngster?"

I caught quite a few amused smiles in the crowd and scowled back. "Pretty good I guess." I replied offhandedly. No need to get specific in public.

"Good, good. What's that you've got there honey?"

She was trying to peer into my bag, which I was holding at least half a foot above her eye level so she couldn't.

"Oh…nothing much groceries." Eggs, to replace the ones that had gone into an all day waffle fest. A few veggies, tomatoes, ginger, absolutely no carrots…

"Ohh look!" Pointing in some general direction she gave a small cry of victory and took off through the crowds. Morbid curiosity kept me at her heels.

"Ahhh." Clarisse was excitedly picking through a brown wax box. "Turnips, half priced no less!" she cried. Seizing a particularly fat one she lifted it to her nose and sniffed it with relish.

Personally I'd never found inanimate objects that interesting.

"I've heard these are great for fertility." she remarked slyly.

I stared.

She jabbed me in the side with her elbow, the orange cat flopping bonelessly. "Akiko-chan you should buy some!" she cackled.

The store owner chuckled and smiled. "Special deal for the missy then, I'll toss in one for free."

"Wait wait wait! I don't…need turnips."

"Pay the man dearie, he's been so nice."

Wordlessly I handed over the requested price, feeling my sack suddenly get much heavier and bulkier.

"Enjoy little lady." The store owner called behind us. Clarisse waved cheerfully back at him keeping up with me despite my frantic pace.

-

"That was such a good deal, aren't you glad I was with you?"

I had no intention of ever letting her and my mother meet, so we were walking and walking and walking. My bags were slowly getting heavier and heavier and my wallet lighter and lighter. I was running out of things I could claim to need. Weren't old people supposed to get tired easily? The old biddy hadn't even needed to catch her breath yet.

Then again she wasn't carrying anything besides that cat.

We were in the area of her neighborhood so I decided we'd walk to her door, and if she didn't get the hint I'd fake a seizure.

"I know such a great recipe for turnips too, I'll copy it for you." She rambled on. Then she wiggled her eyebrows at me. "You should make some for Kakashi."

I walked into a wall.

-

"This looks pretty nasty."

"It's probably not much, we better clean it though."

"How did she even do that?"

I felt something poke my forehead and winced. "Ouch, stop that."

"It's alive!"

"Takeshi?"

"Yes Obito?"

"Shut up."

"Akiko, how do you feel?"

I cracked my eyes open and shut them again, wow too bright. Something touched my forehead again, I batted the hand away blindly. "Like I walked into a wall!"

"Well, now we know personality isn't in the right temple."

"Takeshi!"

"Sheesh…I'm going I'm going."

"Akiko, how did this happen?"

"Moving object meets solid structure. Do the math. I was looking left, hence my right temple."

"She seems to be alright…"

"…let's just make sure she doesn't have a concussion to be safe."

"Hey, Akiko can you open your eyes for a moment."

Only if you turn off the sun. "Okay…" I forced my eyelids apart, squinting again at the light. Two blurs were leaning over me. One dark with a light top, one light with a dark top, Kakashi and Obito respectively.

"Watch my finger okay?"

I dutifully stared at the digit as it moved back and forth.

"Okay, it's nothing serious then. We just should clean this up."

Kakashi smoothed my hair back. "You can close your eyes again."

I sighed. Keeping them open was irritating them. Whatever I was lying on was decidedly comfortable. I spontaneously decided to take a nap. Something cold touched my forehead. Then it began to burn.

-

"What the…!"

Someone grabbed my hands, preventing them from shredding whomever was doing whatever to my injury. I snatched a glance and glared just as Kakashi used his weight to keep me from jumping away from Obito who was calmly using some secret ninja torture device on my forehead.

"Ouch ouch ouch. Stop that, it hurts!"

"It's only rubbing alcohol." Obito sounded so rational I wanted to hit him.

It felt like somebody had lit my forehead on fire.

"So what was so interesting?" Kakashi asked.

I winced and tried to press my head against the pillow.

"Ah, no you don't."

I was pulled to a dizzying semi-vertical. I moaned at the sudden change in altitude. "Where am I?"

"What this doesn't look familiar?"

"Don't answer a question with a question. And what's wrong with just telling me?"

"Can't you answer mine first?"

I growled, he laughed. So I grumped and squinted at the room. His room. In fact, this was his bed I was sitting on.

"What am I doing in your apartment?"

"You walked into a wall remember."

"Yeah, but you weren't there. So why aren't I in Clarisse's apartment?"

"It was past her bedtime so we moved you."

Wonderful. They moved me…like a sack of flour. "What time is it?"

"What was so distracting?"

I searched the room again, my vision was getting less sensitive to the light. Progress! Now where in the world was his clock.

"Did it have something to do with turnips?"

I jerked back so quickly I almost gave myself a matching bruise on the back of my head. Kakashi looked like a cat that had just caught a canary.

Takeshi picked that moment to return. He took one look at Kakashi who looked like a pleased cat, one look at me who looked like a cornered mouse and picked that moment to tell Kakashi he was being too forward coming on to me.

Obito came in a moment later but no one would tell him why Takeshi was clutching his stomach and rolling on the floor in pain, or who had caused it.

-

In the end it turned out for the best. I had a grand excuse for being late, a bruised forehead to prove it, and the three of them carried the groceries for me. It would have been perfect…except the eggs had broken when I'd knocked myself out and dropped them.


	10. more ninjas

"Aww…did he kiss it and make it better?"

"Kanoi, shut up."

"That's so cute! And he let you use his bed…did it smell like wildflowers?"

It had been awfully comfortable, but the smell escaped me. "I can't remember."

"I wish I had your luck."

"If you want to collide into an inanimate object it can be arranged." I commented brandishing a hardcover threateningly.

"No silly girl, being tended by three hot guys."

"More like being held down, tortured, and scolded."

"It falls under the category of excruciating pleasure."

"Don't use that term in conjunction with me. Ever."

"How about this then, 'no pain no gain'?"

"I suppose that works. Run into a wall, get your bags carried."

"That's true, but no need to be so specific. You could always twist an ankle, get overheated, that time of the month…the possibilities are endless!"

"You try it, tell me if it works."

"When I have an entourage of sexy guys I sure will."

I sighed and plucked another book out of the shelves, briefly scanning the back. The shop wasn't busy, but it had to be watched anyway, just in case someone had the urge to buy a book. So there we were Kanoi at the register, me lounging and browsing.

"Oh look, in this series the heroine is a ninja! How original!"

Kanoi rolled her eyes at me and turned back to her own book. "What is it that you have against ninjas?"

It was my turn to roll my eyes. "Wait a moment and I'll get the list on the back of my door."

"Seriously now, you could make a list about anything. Why ninja?"

"Because."

"That isn't the brightest idea you know, we do live in a hidden village and all that. It's practically teeming with ninjas, little ninjas, big ninjas, hot ninjas…old decrepit ninjas."

"Jirayia-sama" I muttered under my breath and laughed. "Because I can."

"But you're disqualifying half the eligible guys without even meeting them first!"

"Makes the picking easier." I commented offhandedly.

"But what about Kakashi?"

I could see where this was going, and now that I noticed it, the book she was supposedly reading was upside down. "What about Kakashi?"

"Well, he does fall into the category of 'ninja' you know."

"Oh really, I hadn't noticed."

"He seems nice enough, him and Obito…Takeshi at times."

"Yeah, so?"

"So if you really aren't interested you shouldn't lead him along like this."

Woah! "Wait-a-minute! Who's leading who on?"

She scowled at the book and turned a page, as if she was actually reading it. "You heard me."

I couldn't believe my ears. Actually I could, I just couldn't have believed I would be hearing it. "I have never expressed interest in him!"

"Come on Akiko, you flirt non stop with the poor guy."

"Since when has he become the victim here! He barged in on my life in the first place!"

"You gave him reason to stay."

"I bought a freaking book!"

"Akiko…" she gave me the look. The one that said I was telling myself a lie because I didn't want to face the truth, and she knew it and felt sorry for me. And it was completely wrong!

"What Kanoi!"

"You should tell him how you feel."

"I have multiple times. 'I'm cold', 'I'm tired', 'Ouch I ran into a wall'."

"You know what I mean."

"Ahhh…. 'I'm confused' hasn't made the list yet, but give it time."

"You know the life expectancy of a regular ninja is about thirty, right?" Kanoi snapped.

"He's an ANBU, and supposedly a Genius. What do I have to worry about?"

"Accidents happen."

"Since you're the one taking his side, aren't you on the wrong side of the argument right now?"

"Is it even remotely possible that you like him?"

"Why do you need to know?"

"So I can tell Obito."

I slammed my book down. I had read the back five times and couldn't quite seem to comprehend the seventeen or so sentences written there. "You spy!"

"Akiko…"

"I can't believe you agreed to something like that!"

"Akiko, he's Kakashi's friend, and he doesn't want to see him get hurt."

"So he asked you to pry, is that it?"

"Yes."

Well…it made sense. "I'll tell you, if you get Obito to find out the same from Kakashi."

"So you do like him then." She grinned and opened her book again, right side up this time.

"I didn't say that!"

"You wouldn't care what he thought if you didn't."

Damn. Double damn. Why didn't I see that?

"You're not going to tell him are you?"

"Who Kakashi?"

"Yeah…"

"Oh, I don't know…"

Not cool. Not cool at all! "Kanoi!"

-

I wandered around the village in a huff. This new change was definitely not something I was happy with. Kanoi was being such a pain. I felt the need to look down on someone. There was one place that could guarantee that. Everyone! Let's go to the ninja academy.

Luck was with me. Not only was the yard filled with little ninja unable to do the simplest of all the sneaky ninja techniques…but there was a girl hiding behind the tree there practically swooning over the teacher.

Insert evil cackle here.

I stalked up to her, which was pretty easy considering that her entire attention was focused on the sensei who was dragging a screaming kid back to the main group. I was witnessing the beginning of the ANBU recipe. Take little ninjas and just add time, patience, and a whole lot of experience.

My smile was definitely feral as I tapped her on the shoulder and watched her jump a full foot. Score one for me! If looks could kill…well I would have died of laughter.

I imagine it's difficult to appear angry though when you're blushing as hard as she was.

"Hi there." I said all too sweetly. "Who are you looking at?"

I swear her coloring went from heat exhaustion to third degree burn in under three seconds. Then I was being pulled away, far away, from the little yard with the little ninjas in it. At this moment I realized that I was being pulled by a big ninja, and that perhaps she was not the best person to pick on.

Whoops. Too late.

We stopped in a clearing deep in the woods somewhere. Very sketchy. Good inconspicuous place to murder somebody.

"Listen up you." She hissed, putting her finger dangerously close to my teeth. "You're not going to breath a word about what you just saw."

I wasn't feeling too cautious. In fact, if I ended up dead because of this little transaction all my problems would miraculously be solved. "You mean you fawning over that sensei?"

"Shut up you little…!"

"Anko."

We both turned towards the sound of the voice. Another ninja. Another old ninja, with long hair.

"Hai, Orochimaru-sensei?"

"Training for tomorrow is cancelled, I have some business to attend to."

"I understand."

He evaporated, or the ninja equivalent of 'disappear without the smoke'.

"Is he okay?"

Anko, I knew her name now! Turned towards me with a scowl. "Why do you say that?"

"Well…" honesty is the best policy right? "He looked a bit pasty." Not to mention he was wearing makeup and had yellow eyes. A mutation of the infamous pink eye perhaps? Or was he resorting to steroids…

She blinked at me and then burst into fits of laughter. There must have been some subtle meaning in what I said because she was clutching her gut and gasping for breath. I honestly didn't think it was that funny.

"Hey are _you_ okay?" I got another round of cackling for my concern. Damn, ninjas were weird. If that wasn't on the list I'd add it when I got home. Speaking of home.

"Hey, which way back to town."

I watched her laugh for a little longer. I hope she didn't start hyperventilating or anything. I'd have to stay out here until she woke up.

"Yes, I'm talking to you, can you take a break for a second or something?"

Wow. She was having the time of her life, here in the middle of nowhere. Maybe she had it a long overdue or something. Perhaps one of her ninja laughing-gas thingies broke and she inhaled it by accident. Of course I had to take a big whiff of the air around us.

Maybe not.

"Come on, I'd like to get home sometime today, can you just point towards town or something."

You would think her intestines would fall out if she let go of her stomach, but she had the kindness to jerk her head to my right. I shook my head and left her laughing hysterically in the clearing.

-

Ten minutes into my walk I nearly fell into this huge ravine. No town in sight. It didn't do much for my mood. I turned left and started walking. They always tell you to stay put if you're lost. But if no one's going to look for you that's kind of stupid. That and I was getting hungry.

I walked for a while, and a while more and a little more. In fact I was just about to decide that perhaps the village really wasn't in this direction…when I heard voices.

"Hello?" I called.

And then all of a sudden I didn't hear voices. Were they going to leave me here? Bastards. I began cooking up some creative phrases to hurl at them.

"Akiko!"

A great green blur shot through the trees and miraculously managed to stop directly in front of me. The blur solidified into something that vaguely resembled Maito Gai. Who would have known?

"Hi Gai." That rhymed. I fought the urge to giggle. You can see I was seriously suffering from the side effects from hunger. "Do you know the way back to town, I kinda got…lost."

He cocked his head at me. "You mean Konoha? It's miles away! Miles away, that way!" With a pose made to split the Red Sea he pointed back the way I'd come. That bitch.

"Ahh….How long a walk is it?"

"Three hours, but if you run it is only one hour and thirty nine minutes!"

Damn, I was not going to make dinner. "Ahh…Thank you Gai." I sighed and prepared myself for the long walk back.

"Akiko-san, wait! Do not go yet! For there is a better alternative!"

I was all ears.

"I will summon a nin-animal for you and he will get you back to Konoha in no time!"

A summon. Well okay. Don't knock it until you try it I guess.

-

"Sure, why not."

Gai blinded me with his teeth and then did a series of hand seals. If you added string it would have looked a lot like the 'cup' for cats cradle. As it was a cup didn't appear…a turtle did.

I covered my face with a hand. "Gai…"


	11. Sake

"Gai are you sure this is faster? I mean, maybe it's because of some funky ninja illusion…but…it really looks like this turtle is just plodding along."

"Hacchoo."

"Bless you." I answered automatically.

"No, well…yes, thank you. But this is not just _any _turtle, this is Hacchoo. He is made for carrying great weights over long distance."

"You think I weigh a lot Gai?"

"No! Of course not, you are as light and fair as a flower, Akiko-chan. But it is his nature, to carry things, Hacchoo."

"Ah…anyway are you sure? We don't seem to be moving very fast."

"Yeah, you should reach Konoha by mid spring at least."

I craned my neck to the side to stare at the jackal faced ANBU that was suddenly plodding along besides us at a leisurely pace. I recognized the voice though.

Okay fine, maybe I didn't recognize the voice. But no one else in Konoha has brown hair and neon green bangs.

"Hi Takeshi. What are you doing here?"

"Oh, Obito is the regular slave master you know. Got practice my ANBU sneak." He turned to look at me, giving me the full frontal view of his cackling counterpart. A jagged zigzag made for a feral grin on its white face.

"And your dodging, and your detection, not to mention your inability to follow a simple order. I do recall telling you to go find out who that was and report back."

Takeshi waved past me, at a solemn bird mask. I couldn't make out exactly what kind of bird it was, but it was distinguished and fit Obito's character very well.

"Gai, cruel and unusual punishment is forbidden by the Hokage."

Gai leapt off the turtle, excuse me, Hacchoo, who was still plodding along, now three ANBU plodding along beside it. Takeshi was walking backwards and easily staying ahead.

Kakashi was now on my right, where Takeshi had been before he'd skipped ahead to walk in front. Kakashi's mask was a wolf or dog. It wasn't somber like Obito's or mocking like Takeshi's it just was. Expressionless, not taking any side. Seemed very politically correct.

"Kakashi! My eternal rival! How dare you mock my act of selfless generosity towards Akiko-chan's plight!"

Plight? What plight?

The wolf slowly turned towards me. I stared right back at the little eyeholes, not answering. Since Hacchoo's gate was rather bumpy and Kakashi appeared to be floating along the ground it must have looked like my eyeballs were bouncing to keep his gaze.

"If you wish…I could summon something faster."

We stared at each other for a few moments. If I had been him, I would have walked into some bush, or at the very least stumbled over a rock or root. But he easily stepped over a log, even without looking at it. It might have been romantic if I hadn't been staring at a porcelain mask. It kind of ruined the moment. Although I had to admit it was something of a treat to see him in the whole ANBU getup.

Gai oh so graciously prevented my need to respond. "Ha! Despite your genius ability, my summons can defeat yours in all areas!"

Hacchoo stopped plodding along. Everyone else stopped with him.

Takeshi rubbed his hands together. "Oh boy I can't wait to see how this turns out."

Without any regard for its rider Hacchoo suddenly committed felony number 17 on why I hate ninjas. The whole disappearing with a cloud of smoke. Someone grabbed my hand and lessened my chances of developing cancer from breathing in the stuff by pulling me out. Kakashi looked down on me for a moment, reminding me that there was a whole head of height difference between us.

"You better go stand next to Obito, summoning takes up a lot of space."

He gave me a gentle nudge towards the edge of the clearing. Obito was reclining against a tree, there was a large rock conveniently right next to him. I was a foot from it when Takeshi appeared crouching right where I was going to sit. The jackal mask grinned cheekily at me inches from my face.

Then suddenly he was bowled over by a greyhound wearing a funky vest, a forehead protector and little wristbands on all four feet. He was swiftly followed by what appeared to be a flying turtle with goggles and a speed helmet.

"I win speed." Kakashi intoned dryly.

Both animals disappeared in poofs of smoke. I took the opportunity to claim the vacated rock.

"You will not prevail, strength is the turtle's forte!"

IHIHIHIHIH

"I can't believe you exhausted your charka Kakashi, I thought you had more than that!"

Kakashi twisted to the right slightly to glare at Takeshi.

"Woah, stoppit!" The sudden shift threw me off balance because I was supporting his right side. Obito was trudging along in front of us, an arm around Gai's waist to keep him vertical. I guess he was stronger than Takeshi though, either that or Kakashi was heavier because it took two of us to support him.

"Whoops, sorry." Kakashi chuckled lightly. "Maa…why don't we get something to eat, with any luck I'll be able to walk after a good meal. I know Hobachi is right around the corner."

"Or the ramen stand is down the road." Gai called from up ahead.

I rolled my eyes and shifted my grip on Kakashi's arm which was draped over my shoulders. I could see the gleam in Kakashi's eye as a smirk appeared against the fabric of his mask.

"Or Tokoshi is just beyond that."

"Or Yuukaido."

"Or Henate."

"Bonji's pork bun stand!"

"Hunu sushi."

"Tehai oden!

"Remuyo Soba."

"Demaro Tempura."

Takeshi threw his head back and laughed, I smiled. The five of us plodded along even slower than Hacchoo the turtle.

IHIHIHIHIH

It turned out that we went to Hobachi, which, to my utter surprise was a ninja hangout. Who knew there was such things? The entire restaurant went silent and turned to watch us sidle through the door sideways. Kakashi managed to flash a peace sign with the hand draped over me. "Summoning contest." He explained.

This earned rounds of laughter. Chuunins, Jounins, ANBU all cracking up like normal people. I must have been the only person other than the waitress who didn't have a ninja headband strapped across my forehead, or around my waist or over an eye as Kakashi's now was.

Obito shuffled over to a table where a few other ninjas obligingly made room for all us. The little hooks on the wall behind us, normally used for coats and hats were laden with katanas, ANBU masks and cloaks. Pole arms were stacked neatly in the corner with some very suspicious looking umbrellas.

I wasn't even carrying my nail file. Did I feel out of place…just maybe.

The waitress wandered over to our table and cocked her head at me. "Haven't seen you around, you must be new huh?"

Not… really. "Yeah, something like that."

"Well, what can I get for you then?"

"Ahhh…"

"Try the tempura Akiko, go for the tempura!"

Obito gave Takeshi one look and he leaned back laughing. "I wouldn't suggest it unless you like really spicy food, Akiko."

"You should probably go with udon, they make it really well here." Kakashi suggested.

"Udon then?" the waitress asked.

"Sure," I replied. "With beef please."

"Coming right up! The rest of you having what you normally do?"

"Yes that will be fine, Titaka." Obito confirmed.

Holy cow, how often did they come here? A couple times a week maybe?

"Hey, Kakashi! Where were you yesterday? You getting too good for the rest of us?"

Scrap that this was probably part of their might time routine between brushing their teeth and hopping into bed.

"We were on our way here when we saw this poor girl passed out in the street…we just had to stop and help her. It was our duty as ninjas."

"Yeah, right! Your last excuse was more believable! Obito I can't believe you're letting this guy make you late too!"

Obito shrugged and sipped his tea.

Thank goodness I'd worn my hair down today, the huge bruise on my temple was hidden behind my bangs. I quietly sipped my tea as people laughed around me. Yep, it was all too funny. So funny I forgot to laugh and was trying to be as inconspicuous as possible.

"So Kakashi who's your friend?" A new ninja sat down at our table, his headband was worn like some type of cap and he was miraculously able to drink tea and chew on a piece of straw all at the same time. I wonder how many months it'd taken him to master that trick, drink around a straw and not have it leak out of the edges of your mouth.

I glanced to Kakashi's other side, Takeshi was two cents short of hyperventilating. Well of course they were talking about me!

"Oh this is Akiko. She's a friend." He nodded towards the ninja who'd spoken up. "Akiko, this is Genma. We work together sometimes."

I gave him the complementary smile and wave. "Hi."

"So what's a pretty girl like you doing around with this looser? "

Ahhh that type of co-worker. I shrugged. "Takes one to know one." I muttered.

"Oohhhh, shot down Genma!" Takeshi cried.

I winced. Leave it to Takeshi to overhear me. A couple more of the ninjas at our table broke off their conversations to watch. But I was saved, the udon arrived.

Snatching up a set of chopsticks I gave the udon a scrutinizing look before grabbing a noodle. For some reason everyone at the table was watching me. I gave the bowl another careful look.

"Did you do something to it?" I demanded. Dropping the noodle I poked around the bowl for anything even mildly suspicious.

Genma grinned all too smugly. Takeshi shrugged. "We just want to see if you like it or not."

Frankly the soup looked okay, although Obito was now staring at it suspiciously too. I reasoned if anything happened Obito and Kakashi would look after me, Takeshi too, if only for the fact that he got free breakfast from me.

Without further ado I stuffed a noodle in my mouth and ate it. It tasted just like every other beef udon I'd ever eaten. I looked up to see everyone staring at me still. I shrugged. "Tastes okay. I don't know what you're all fussing about."

Genma shrugged and smiled sending a sideways glance at my bowl. I decided he was pulling my leg and being an absolute jerk about it. I mentally labeled him as a troublemaker. Satisfied at my decision I tuned back into reality and glanced to my left to see that Kakashi's bowl was empty, he mask was also back in place. I guess he was always like that or something. He caught me frowning at him and smiled back. I scowled, he was just too bizarre. I ate my Udon and tried not to think too much.

"Hey Titaka babe, some sake would you?" Genma called.

"Perfect! Kakashi! I challenge you to a sake drinking contest!" Gai cried.

IHIHIHIHIH

It was just one of those days.

The situation was very familiar only a little worse this time. There was just good way to balance the load with Takeshi now inebriated too. He and Gai were giggling hysterically, Takeshi was actually lying over Obito's left shoulder, and Obito's right arm was literally carrying Gai by his waist. I suddenly had new respect for all that training Obito was putting the two of them through.

"Tell me again why I have to lug him up four flights of stairs?"

Obito jounced Takeshi a bit cutting off the giggles in favor of seasick moaning. "You know where he lives, and Gai is too unpredictable drunk."

I sighed and maneuvered us towards his apartment, sighing. "Okay, okay. See you tomorrow I guess."

"Good night Akiko-chan."

"Night AKIKO!" "SAI-YO-NARA!" Takeshi and Gai called.

"Good grief, at least you're the quiet type of drunk." I growled, hobbling down the street. Unfortunately that's pretty much all I could do with at least twice my weight hanging off one side.

IHIHIHIHIH

The stairs were hell. But I managed to pull him up one step at a time. If he hadn't been randomly throwing his weight around every few minutes I would have thought he'd fallen asleep on me. It was a grueling process.

We got to his door.

"Kakashi, where are your keys?"

"Mmmmm….."

"I don't suppose you could say that in a comprehensible language?"

"….mmmmm …" he mumbled.

I was beginning to have nightmarish visions about having to drag him to Gai's, or my house. Or…shudder wake Clarisse up. The ANBU uniform he was still wearing had no pockets, only a massive Katana and that funky mask. Then I happened to catch sight of a funny round pouch on his left hip. That was probably where they were.

Okay…this was going to be tricky. Shifting my grip on his waist slightly I jerked at the flap of cloth that covered the top. It popped open with a click. The pouch was just out of reach, what a pain. Bracing myself I let him sag over my shoulder slightly and stuffed my hand into the opening. My fingers poked something relatively like a scroll. Who knew maybe it actually was a scroll. Either way it wasn't keys…there were a few round things, also not keys, a smaller pouch…

"Woah, no! Stop that!" Kakashi's other arm had randomly decided to drape itself over my shoulder. This changed his center of balance, which threw off my center of balance which threatened to tip me backwards towards the cement floor.

"…mmm…."

"Damnit!" Frantically I pushed against the wall for purchase, but they didn't even have decorative ridges I could brace my hand against. Instead I tottered backwards smacking into his door which broke open under the impact of our combined weight, the inner bar of his doorframe snapping off with a crack.

His dead weight followed me right down to the floor, which was fortunately carpeted beyond the doorframe. His arms were somehow locked around my shoulders now, the rest of me trapped under him.

"You're such a pain!" I hissed, trying to scoot out from beneath him.

Just then Clarisse's door opened. She had probably woken up at the sound of the doorframe splintering. Thank goodness. She stepped into the hallway, saw us, gave me a thumbs up and quickly scuttled back into her apartment.

"Hey wait! Clarisse!"

I exhausted my vocabulary while I slowly worked my feet under me, and then because he still refused to let go of his grip on me, dragged him into the room and over to the bed. I managed to reach back and push the door closed behind me with more effort than doors were ever meant to need.

Getting him on the bed was so hard I seriously considered just dragging the pillow and blankets onto the floor and leaving him there. It looked as if it hadn't been cleaned in a while though, and I did manage to get him up on the mattress after much too much work.

Then I wiggled out of his grip, despite a few sleepy little protests that sounded too cute to be coming from someone in ANBU gear. Alcohol is funny like that.

Then there was the issue of getting him out of his armor, which I wasn't planning to do, but it was somehow attached to the katana and I knew sleeping with that would be uncomfortable. Then wrestling off the sandals, a trial in itself as he kept trying to slide his feet under the blankets despite the shoes.

But finally I deemed him ready to sleep, and he was already oblivious to the world stretched out in his natural habitat. Then I walked myself home, showered, brushed my teeth and slipped into bed. It was two in the morning. Mom and dad weren't going to be happy come sunrise.


	12. Iceberg dead ahead!

"Good morning honey."

I froze at the bottom of the stairs. Mum was beaming at me as if nothing had happened. And by her usual rules I should have been under lock and key or something I'd just stayed out way past my curfew.

"Good morning Akiko-chan."

"Good morning Akiko."

"Morning."

"Yo."

Ahhh…ninjas make everything better. I tried not to make my sigh of relief too obvious. They were in the living room, talking with Dad.

"For strength I naturally summoned Buyuno, he can use his legs to dig into the earth and make himself a living barrier. Naturally even Tomatsu from the dog summons couldn't budge him." Gai rambled on. Dad nodded vigorously as if he understood. I was skeptical at Dad ever seeing a summon to begin with.

Dad finally saw me. "Ah, Akiko. I'm glad you're feeling up and about, especially after yesterday. I'm surprised you didn't sleep in until noon."

I stared at Dad, and then slowly around the circle of faces that were looking at me with varying expressions ranging from amused to apologetic.

"Oh…well…yeah, me too." I forced out slowly.

What had they told him? "How much did they tell you?" Granted I wasn't the goddess of subtlety, but it just might be important for me to know. That and my mind didn't always function properly in the morning.

Dad laughed. "Enough to know that you should be more careful when walking in the woods, that and you are the luckiest little girl I've ever known."

I let the 'little' drop, compared to him I guess it was still applicable. Was I lucky? Lucky I hadn't just kept walking off into the wilderness yesterday, lucky I hadn't gotten a concussion from that wall, lucky that all four of them hadn't gotten dead drunk last night? "Lucky is always a good thing to be."

"Akiko, don't you have class today?" Mom called from the kitchen.

Ah yes, that was the reason I had gotten up. The clock told me I had five minutes to eat before I would have to run. It could be done. I made my normal mix of flakes, milk and sugar and practically shoveled it into my stomach.

Five minutes later I was punching my hands though the armholes in my jacket and waving goodbye as I raced out the door.

HIHIHIHIHIHI

"You!"

I spun around and pointed dramatically. "You!" Then the Gai-phase passed. "Wait who are you?"

She was very pretty, tall, slender, with her waist length raven hair held half up with a very stylish pair of chopsticks. She was even wearing the latest fashion too, one of those sleek Chinese styled dresses with the matching pants. Very nice. But wait! Her eye shadow matched it perfectly, and her lipstick might have as well except that her lips were moving and I was having a hard time figuring out whether it was a pink or a red. Wait…moving lips….didn't that mean she was speaking?

"…so what do you say?"

Whoops. "I'll think about it." Indefinitely.

"It's a simple question." She snapped.

Aww shucks. "I'm not sure I understood you correctly, could you say it again."

She gave me a cold hard look, the kind that teachers give when they know you weren't paying attention. The fact that she could stare down at me didn't help. I really needed to invest in a pair of platform shoes, several of them.

"I propose a deal." She paused significantly. "Understand so far?"

Sarcasm, great. "No, say it once more I'll get it this time." I replied dryly. I dislike any sarcasm other than my own.

Any hope for getting directions to her accessories store flew out the window along with her pretence of a good demeanor. "Listen up…"

"…I don't like you, and you don't like me…." No really?

"…so I'll make this as short as possible…" Praise be to god.

"…we're both after the same person…" Oh no...

HIHIHIHIHI

At this point I realized that there was only one 'person' that she could be referring to, and decided to end the lecture by walking away.

"HEY! I'm talking to you!" She yelled. She ran around in front of me, now looking quite a bit less composed than a moment ago. The problem with Chinese dresses is all that material in front of you tends to bunch up right between your legs so you have to run with really long strides, walk, or chaff.

"Yeah, well I'm not." I told her moving to the side so I could walk past.

She grabbed my sleeve. "Don't you dare walk away."

Dare is not a good word to use when talking to me. I began to walk again.

"Wait, please just give me a minute."

I sighed and turned around. Maybe it was the p-word but I supposed a minute wouldn't matter too much. I was going to be late for class as is. Besides, it seemed like such a charity case all of a sudden. Besides if I didn't listen to her and then she was randomly run over by a horse I'd just feel horrible. Or even worse what if she committed seppaku or something! And stated me as the reason for her depression! I could go to jail...or something...

"Please, this is really important to me. I know you're not actively pursuing him or anything, but Kakashi spends so much time with you, they all do. I just need to know if you're serious about him. I mean, I can't eat, I can't sleep I'm having trouble concentrating…I just…could you just tell me if I still have a chance?"

I was torn. Part of me wanted to demand how long she'd been stalking me but another part related all too much to the symptoms that seemed to emanate from the masked ninja. Although I doubt they happened in the same manner…I found it unlikely they paid her midnight visits…but still there was a sense of almost kindred spirits for the romantic minded fool that I was. Almost.

HIHIHIHIHI

"You know, you really shouldn't ask me this. If you want to…" hold hands with…kiss….sleep with…errr… "get together with him I'm not the one you should be asking."

"I know that!"

"So go ask him."

She turned beet red. "I…well….I can never find him you see…"

It sounded like an excuse if I ever heard one. Luckily there was such an easy solution! She didn't know where he was. But I was betting they hadn't left the table. I grabbed her hand and marched back to my house. We were already going up the steps by the time she'd caught her breath enough to demand what I was doing.

As predicted everyone was still eating breakfast, today's special: hot oatmeal. The four at the table, turned in unison to watch me drag her through the doorway. Dad blinked and pushed his glasses farther up his nose, examining her quizzically.

"This is…." Ah damn, I'd missed her name. "…she's got something to ask you."

Mom spun around at that moment. "Akiko class started five minutes ago!" she shrieked. "Why are you still here?"

Damn, it would take another ten minutes to run back. I patted the girl on the back. "Have fun!" and shot out the door, the situation was out of my hands.

HIHIHIHIHI

I was five feet from entering the library when someone grabbed my arm and pulled me into an ally. Being a girl, and a teenaged girl with a paranoid mother at that I assumed the worst…I opened my mouth to scream and got a lump of dango…right down my windpipe.

Such a situation called for my 'cat having a hairball' impersonation.

I grudgingly swallowed the food after coaxing it out of my respiratory system. I would have spit it out, but this was an unusually clean alley. I didn't want to be the first to litter. "Anko." I croaked. "What do you want? I'm kind of in a hurry here."

"Shut it, I need you to come with me."

"Well I need to go to class."

"Tough." She gripped my wrist and began to pull.

Action is the checkmate for every argument with a ninja. You can talk all you want they'll just make you do it anyway. I've lost so many good arguments that way.

HIHIHIHIHI

I stared suspiciously at the clearing around me. It was very suspicious. Suspiciously like every other clearing I'd ever been in and I couldn't tell you for 1000 yen whether I was North or South of the village. Damn.

Did I ever mention that Konoha has the weirdest geography ever? In fact the village became so prominent because any potential attacks were confounded by the fact that they camped around the village, woke up and couldn't remember which direction the village was in!

Well…maybe not.

A feeling of doom welled over me as I saw her get comfortable at the base of a tree. Looks as if we were going to be here for a while. I might as well just drop my classes, my attendance was beginning to fall drastically anyway. I had a fever early in the semester, than that other cold made me sleep through class (just as good as not going) and now this. Today's material had better not be on the test or she was going to understand the true meaning of harassment.

I huffed and puffed and prepared so sulk. She could drag me out here, and make me talk, but she couldn't make me be nice about it.

"Tell me what you want already so I can go home and beg forgiveness from Mom."

"Don't you have classes?"

I smiled icily crossing my arms behind my head. "Correction, I did have classes." By the time I could get back they'd already be over."

She shrugged. "You shouldn't be such a goody goody anyway."

Excuse me? Goody goody? Who needs who here? I sighed, got to my feet and picked a direction.

That got her attention. "Oi! Where are you going? Town's the other way."

"I'll find it eventually." Or maybe I would be found…that might not be so bad. I shook my head clear of those types of thoughts and searched for any signs of civilization. Was that a road ahead?

"Hey! I was talking to you!"

I stopped just short of colliding with her head on and backed up a pace. You think she could leave me a little room to breath when she decided to pop out of no where. But no, we had to be practically rubbing noses. Hadn't she ever heard of 'personal space.'

"Well I'm not talking to you!" Wait…didn't I just contradict myself there? Didn't matter! I made an abrupt left turn and pushed my way through the foliage.

"Oh who are you talking to then huh?"

I squinted at the newest clearing, twin of the other clearing. No matter. "I talk to myself. Sometimes people just feel the need to butt in though."

Silence...and then. "Town's the other way genius."

She was right behind me again. Almost treading on my heels and constantly trying to peek around to see my face. She reminded me of my brother, so annoying.

"You're going to be walking back in the dark you know?"

I glared at the distance and stumbled the instant I took my eyes off the ground.

"Ha, you're a real klutz you know."

"Damn tree roots." I muttered.

She leapt in front of me, walking backwards. "Hey, the forest gets dangerous in a little bit, turn back huh?"

"Don't tell me what to do!"

She snorted. "Come on you're gonna make me miss my soaps!"

So she's the one who keeps those awful programs running! It suddenly became imperative to keep walking, if only to free up TV space for more interesting shows. Like anime. **_ANIME!_**

"So turn back."

"And leave you out here? If you died I could be brought up on charges!"

Goody. Maybe I should look around for a pit to fall in or something. "That certainly didn't matter to you yesterday!"

"Well it does today!"

I laughed. "Too bad!"

She swore, really well. I memorized a few key phrases for later. "I'm really regretting ever asking you for help."

"You never asked me for help dimwit." I retorted.

"Well stop walking so I can ask!"

I was tired of walking so I paused momentarily. To catch my breath. Really.

She sighed. "Okay I'll ask you but you have to promise not to tell anyone."

"Just tell me."

"Promise first."

"Fine I promise, what is it!"

"How do you get a guy to notice you?"

HIHIHIHIHI

"But that won't work! I'm a ninja for god's sakes! I can't just walk into a wall he'll think I'm a ditz like you!"

I picked a bit of dirt out from under my fingernail and flicked it at her. "Thanks a bunch, Anko."

She bared her teeth in my direction. "Ha if you asked me I'd bet you'd stroll right off the upper walkways if they didn't come with railings."

"Well, nobody asked you. So shut up." I retorted.

"Rrawr."

"Grow up."

"What are you talking about I'm at least half a foot taller than you."

I threw a rock. She knocked it aside with one of those knives ninjas always carry, and began spinning it on a finger.

"So."

"So what?" I asked.

"Well give me some ideas damnit."

"I've given you plenty of ideas!"

"Yeah but none of them would work for me." She pointed out blandly.

"If you're such a bad ass just ask him out." I shot.

She blushed and looked away. "I can't do that…"

Back to square one.

"Can you talk to him at all? Or does it have to be some miraculous coincidence."

"It can't be either, it has to be fated, but the miraculous is a good touch so put that in too." She replied promptly.

No ideas immediately came into mind, what a surprise. "Jeeze, why don't you just ask another ninja?" I demanded.

"He'd find out somehow."

"You could bake something extraordinary."

"Ninjas don't bake."

For the love of-! "You could _cook_ something."

"That's the same thing!" she snapped.

"Actually they're completely different, cooking is for meals and such, baking is usually for pastries, cakes and other things that need to rise over a longer period of time." Another voice interrupted. Anko shot to her feet like she'd been electrocuted. "Whose there?" She demanded

I craned my neck from where I was sitting to see who it was. The girl from this morning! "You …!" I racked my memory for a moment, you know I never did learn her name. "Yeah, who are you?"

She sighed. "Nikuyo Makoto, pleased to meet you."

Makoto…why did that sound familiar. I cocked my head. "What are you doing way out here?"

She arched an eyebrow. "Way out here, you mean ten feet behind the memorial?"

Anko grinned and brushed herself off. "Yeah, well, gotta run!" She leapt into the tree branches and disappeared from sight. We both looked back down at the same time

"Your about to miss dinner you know." She told me.

I sighed and slouched a little more against my tree, after four hours I'd finally found the comfortable position to lean against it. "How do you know."

"Your mother sent me to find you."

"Just now?"

"Well a few minutes ago…"

"What were you doing in my house?"

"Cooking dinner."

HIHIHIHI

I got back home in record time, Makoto trailing happily behind me. I had my hand on the doorknob when I suddenly remembered. "Oh, what did he say?"

"Who?" she asked curiously. But she had flinched.

"You want me to push you down the steps?" There were like three. But I was on the top and she was a teensy bit shorter than me like this. There's something about a height advantage that just makes you want to threaten people.

She opened her mouth when Takeshi threw open the door. "Welcome home Akiko!" He smiled broader than usual and gave me a big wink. Obito appeared behind him and pulled him away from the doorway dragging him down the hall towards the kitchen.

What were they still doing here? Fear choked me for a second before I spun back towards Makoto.

She smiled, devilishly sweetly with a hint of sadism in the mix. "He said he'd answer if you asked him yourself."

If I asked him myself? What?

It was like in the movie Titanic where you saw the iceberg and just knew, just knew something really really bad was going to happen despite the fact that the titanic was invincible. Somehow you just knew…

Dinner was ready, Mom hadn't sent ninjas after me so she probably didn't know about the missed class, I didn't have any chores today…but…. I had to ask.

Is the ship going to sink?

"What did you ask him?"

She gave me a feral smile and pushed me over the threshold. "We're back!"


	13. Dinner and tea

Kanoi had laid her book down a while ago and was giving me her full attention. "So then what happened.

I unfolded my legs, they were beginning to fall asleep, and stretched out on her bed leaning against the wall. "Well….Dinner was _Surprise! _completely ready. I could smell it from the entrance hall and it smelled really good too. I didn't get to eat lunch or anything either that day because that psyco kunochi had dragged me off to the forest."

She flapped her hand. "Yeah yeah yeah, get to the good part."

I glared at her. "Don't rush me! Anyway…that Makoto girl-I've got more to tell you about her later-pushes me right past the living room and up the stairs towards my room, telling me to dress nice. The nerve! By then I'm hungry enough to eat the bedpost and I've never had to dress up for dinner before. It's not even her house! It's my house! And she's been in it for a day! Not only that but she apparently did something-conniving little….yeah."

"So you follow her instructions anyway, go back downstairs and-?"

"Well I'm still as hungry as anything so I go into the kitchen, and get this. The table's set for two."

Kanoi rocked back squealing. "Wooo hoo hoo! Was it all nice and stuff?"

"Oh yeah."

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I was kind of surprised when no one was at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me. It's not that I'm spoiled or anything, but after having my entire day planned out for me, I kind of expected little painted footprints telling me exactly where to step.

But there wasn't. And I decided I'd eat as much as I could before I was 'required' somewhere again. Besides the kitchen looked relatively deserted, the main lights were off but there was just enough light to see by. We had a nightlight by the sink that turned on in the dark, so it was no big deal.

Except that glow wasn't the nightlight. In fact the nightlight was gone. Or at least it had to be, I didn't really notice since my gaze was focused elsewhere. Like the two place settings set out with our best silver cutlery, crystal wineglasses, and two new pure white candles in glass stands. Two lit white candles in glass stands.

The kitchen suddenly felt very alien to me. I crept around the table to the fridge. Maybe if there was still orange juice in it, I would believe that this was real. The carton was there. With about a glass and a half left in the bottom. I twisted off the top and took a swig. It helped. A bit.

The table was still there. Looking really really pretty. Really really dangerously pretty. Curiously I leaned over slightly and cracked open the oven. Two plates of Salmon steaks, asparagus and rice. Gods I was hungry. I pushed the oven closed and finished off the orange juice.

A nagging suspicious was at the back of my mind. But if I acknowledge it then it might possibly be true. The words 'dress nice' kept ringing in my mind like a fire alarm. But I pushed them down, and continued watching the table warily as I washed the orange juice container and flattened it, putting it by the other recyclable cardboard.

My mind flickered back to the two plates in the oven. If I ate one of those really quick….then there would be no chance that two people could eat the two meals together. Like at the same time together. It would ruin the dinner completely. There would be no romantic anything!

I snatched a pair of chopsticks out of the drawer and flung open the oven.

"AKIKO don't you _dare_ eat my dinner!"

I froze. "mom?"

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"Don't you play innocent with me! I know you like salmon but tonight is our anniversary! Your father has forgotten, missed, and ruined the last five! Nothing and no one is going to ruin today. And you! Kakashi why didn't you stop her?"

Kakashi was leaning against the wall between the kitchen and the family room. How did I miss him? Ah right the table. Which meant….he was there….watching me stare at the table.

"She didn't go anywhere near the wine." He responded promptly.

Mom threw up her hands. "You were supposed to watch all the food!"

"You said make sure she didn't drink any alcohol tonight."

She waved a finger at him. "That too!"

Then she spun to face me, poking my nose for extra intimidation as I tried to backpedal into the counter. "And you, Akiko. You should take more responsibility too. Next time something like that happens, you have to be more assertive. Do you understand?"

"No…?"

She sighed. "That's why Kakashi and Obito will be there to look after you. Understand?" That wasn't directed at me so I sighed in relief relaxing back against the counter. But other fingers closed around my waist, Kakashi fingers. He tugged me away from the counter, smiling.

"Completely! We'll take good care of her. Have a good anniversary Mrs Kisuko. We'll get out of your way now."

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We cut through the family room and left through the front door and turned left along the street. Just us. The others had miraculously disappeared during the five minutes it took me to change.

"Um…where are we going."

"The Hobachi. We have specific instructions not to bring you back before morning."

"Wait morning? So where am I going to sleep though!"

His smile was a little disconcerting. "We called Kanoi, she said you know how to get in."

They called Kanoi? "Ah. Nice of you to ask me." I replied sarcastically.

"Well…we checked your class but you weren't there."

Uh oh. "There's a good explanation for that!"

"Good! You can tell us over dinner!"

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The Hobachi is convieniently located as far from my house as you can get though. And it made for plenty of time to work up my courage to finally pop the question. "What did Makoto say to you?"

It was like Alice in Wonderland with that funky purple and pink cat. I could see the smile just grow and grow and grow and it meant nothing good.

"Do you want to know my answer?"

"Yes." The smile grew. "But I need to know the question too."

"If I tell you the question, you have to ask it."

Shit. What if she had proposed or asked to sleep with him or something. "Ah….I'll think about it."

He smiled, and the Hobachi came into view. Tomorrow I was going to hunt down that sneaky little suck up and make her tell me exactly what had been said.

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It wasn't nearly as crowded as it was the other day, but we still had to twist sideways to get to the table at the back. I was beginning to think that they might always sit back here. Gai was missing; he wasn't at breakfast either now that I thought about it. Secret ninja business perhaps? But, Obito, Takeshi and that other guy were sitting right where they were the last time I was here.

In fact there was even a chair for me right between Obito and Kakashi, exactly where I'd sat last time. I was slowly being absorbed by the ninja community. Resistance is futile. The borg. I shook stray thoughts of androids out of my mind and settled into my chair.

The waitress didn't even come over this time. Takeshi just waved at her, beckoned at us, and she nodded. If she actually remembered what I ordered last time I was going to be very impressed.

"Hey Akiko you're just in time!"

I blinked. Waited for someone else to respond and finally looked around for the source of my name. Ah…that other ninja. What was his name…. "For what? Dinner?"

He smiled around the needle. "Nah, dinner, lunch, breakfast, they're all meals. I just got back from Sand with some of their hard core tea. Titaka's brewing up a pot for us now. I had some while I was there, really good stuff but only for tough people."

"I don't think you can characterize tea like that." I told him blandly.

He winked at me. "Just you wait and see."

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Amazingly an order of Beef Udon made its way in front of me. Surprisingly there was more stuff in it than last time. Did they slack off with mine last time or something? And while on that thought, would I ever be able to come here and eat something other than Beef Udon again?

What did Makoto order? Wait…Makoto wasn't here…

I turned to my right to see Kakashi yank up his mask and set down his chopsticks. The sudden movement caught everyone's attention. Lazily I watched a few stray noodle ends slip back into the bowl.

Takeshi laughed. "Ahhh so close. Akiko how'd you know? Kakashi's got this sixth sense for eating when no one's going to look."

"I was going to ask something….that I just forgot. Wait how do you know when no one's going to look?"

"It's a strategy calculation. Ninjas usually keep track of things in a certain manner, he can predict when they're not going to look." Obito explained.

"That doesn't make any sense." I told him.

Genma leaned back in his chair. "Put it this way Akiko, you're looking for something right? Well as a ninja you're taught to look in a certain way, you know. Left right, back, front, up, down…all that. Same for being in a crowd. We periodically check around just out of habit. If you're sitting in front of me, you wait until just after I look forward, and you've got the whole cycle to do something before I check forwards again."

"Ah. So wait…you haven't seen his face either?" I glanced right, Kakashi was grinning fit to split his face. His visible eye in a happy little curve. Basking in the attention

"Well it means anyone with basic ninja training just kind falls into that 'predictable' sphere. You've never been trained so it makes you kind of unpredictable…and a whole lot less observant."

"Thanks." I replied dryly. Genma smiled. Ah I'd remembered his name, good. Now I could curse at him if needed.

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"Oh yeah, where did Makoto go? She kind of shoved me up the stairs and then disappeared."

Kakashi blinked. "You didn't know? She went home."

I smiled. Maybe that meant no more of that problem for a while.

Takeshi leaned over on Kakashi's shoulder. "Haha Akiko looks really happy at that. I bet you're glad she's not here."

I was perplexed. "Why would I be happy at that."

"Because you're insecure?"

I watched his eyes flick down and then up again. "You'll look at my face when you say that Takeshi."

Takeshi laughed, until Kakashi shrugged suddenly his shoulder bumping Takeshi's jaw hard enough to make his teeth clack. Obito shook his head.

At that moment Tea found its way to our table. Tea is very soothing I've found. I grabbed the pot and poured myself a cup.

"Hey Akiko are you sure you want to drink that? Sand tea is not for everyone."

"Shut up Genma."

I sipped it. It wasn't bad by far. It was a little hot though, I could feel it as it settled into my stomach. I cupped my hands around the mug to warm them, more out of habit than need really.

Genma shook his head. "Such language for a lady, I'm astonished." He grabbed the pot and poured himself a cup as well. "Kakashi, Obito you up for a cup?"

"Sure."

"Why not."

Takeshi left off rubbing his jaw. "What you're not going to offer me a cup?"

"So you can spew it all over the table like last time?"

I topped off my cup and pushed it forward so I could get some more. It really wasn't that bad.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow and Genma chuckled, refilling my cup. "You don't have to have another cup you know. It's not going to prove anything."

I rolled my eyes at him and sipped my tea. "I'm not trying to prove anything."

"Right."

"Anyway, how's Sand doing?"

"Oh man, a storm hit while we were there, you know how it is. That stuff gets into everything. I was scrubbing it out of my hair a week later…"

I tried to stay awake. I really did. When you only understand about half of someone's talking about though it can only be so interesting. I went from resting my chin on one arm, to my chin on both arms, to realizing-that-I-was-falling-asleep and sitting up straight, and eventually to falling sideways into Kakashi. It wasn't really sleep though, because I was still semi-aware what was going on. Like when you fall asleep in class. If you name pops up, you know it. Even though you're kind of oblivious to everything else.

I remember Kakashi tucking his arm around me, so I was more comfortable, and the conversation going quieter. Probably so they wouldn't disturb me. It was kind of funny because I was in that not really asleep kind of sleep.

I remember Takeshi asking something important and everyone went quiet for a moment, and then looked at me and slivers of talking again.

I remember Obito finally drinking some of his tea and spitting it right back into his cup. Then Genma tasting his with a frown, and Kakashi smelling his, and the words became a little sharper. Then someone jerked my cup out of my hand. I let it go, I wasn't thirsty. I had drunk two I remembered and they couldn't drink one. Ha. Maybe I was proving something.

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"Akiko? …shit sorry Kakashi. Akiko wake up for a second okay?"

Why was Genma apologizing to Kakashi? For being so boring perhaps? What did it have to do with me then? But he was asking really nice. I would be nice too.

"Mmmmmm…" I cracked open my eyes, a little. Closed them again. There. I was done.

"How many cups did she have again? Two?"

"Jeeze, I can't believe you mixed those two up."

"Look at the bright side, at least it didn't happen on a mission."

"It wouldn't anyway, I'd recognize the taste."

"You should have tasted it sooner."

"Why didn't you?"

"She fell asleep on me."

"Obito…"

"I like my tea lukewarm."

"Lukewarm? And you call yourself a ninja….."

"Akiko? Akiko how do you feel?"

They didn't say please. But I was very happy just then. In fact I was more than happy I was warm and…fuzzy. Fuzzy and warm. In fact a great deal of the warm part of it was coming from what I was leaning on. I snuggled a little closer. _Warm_….

"I'd say she's feeling pretty good."

"Takeshi _shut up._"

"Kakashi, calm down. Takeshi. Back off. Even though she drank a lot it's only a mild sedative. There will be no permanent harm."

"Still we can't just drop her off at Kanoi's like this…"

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I could feel the hum when Kakashi talked. If I was a ninja I would work out the different hums so I could understand what they were saying even if they didn't say it out loud. I'm not sure when a ninja would use it though. Maybe when someone couldn't speak…

"Do you feel up to training Takeshi? You still need to work on your stealth." Obito.

"Yeah sure…how long is that stuff going to take to wear off? I mean, should I grab a toothbrush while we're at it?" Takeshi.

"One dose one person one hour. If Titaka used the my whole package, and she drank two cups…sheesh, she's doesn't really qualify as a whole person either…maybe you ought to bring your razor too." Genma.

"Another night out in the woods, Obito you're so _meeannn._" Takeshi again. He sure does talk a lot. I frowned slightly, but the thought passed as I was shifted from chair to lap, and lap to air. Wood scraping filled the silence for a moment and then we were moving. Outside was a little cooler than inside but it didn't matter. I was fuzzy and warm, and warm and warm and warm….

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The air had a bit of a bite to it when the fuzziness started to clear from my mind. That came to mind first along with the logic that I was really too warm if the air was that cold. Not to brag or anything, but when wearing pants and a fleece I know what I can sit outside in and what I can't. Being comfortably warm, actually luxuriously warm like this was really unnatural.

That and the fact that when I finally opened my eyes I could see the trunks of other trees but not the ground.

We were some fifty sixty feet off the ground somewhere around Konoha I guessed. It was really dark too. But there was some moonlight filtering through the trees, at a really crazy angle though. Either we'd gone back in time, or it was really close to three or four in the morning.

Black blurs flickered between the trees in front of us. People? Ninjas? Flying squirrels?

Kakashi was sitting with his back to the trunk, I was sitting on his lap with my side to him, in fact it was his back and his arms which were loosely curled around me that was making me so warm. He radiated heat like a…stove? Electric blanket? Electric teddy bear?

It was kind of surreal. But surreal or not I was a little cramped from being in the same position for so long. I rolled my shoulders, refolded my legs which were thrown over his, and settled back down to sleep feeling his arms drape themselves over me again. It was comforting. Wouldn't want to fall off now would I.

Dimly I felt him tug my hair tie out and gently stroke it straight. I mmmrrmmed in pleasure. Maybe in my next life I could be a cat, and then people would always be stroking my head. As it was I was human, and if he'd done this while I was sufficiently awake I would have snarled at him for not asking permission first. As it was…I was tired, and speaking seemed so difficult, and it felt so nice…

I guess I'd just let it slide, and maybe he'd do it again…

Yeah…just like that…


	14. No! Sleepy!

I woke up because I rolled over. And I was on a couch, not my bed, and not the futon I use at Kanoi's when I sleep over. And next to the couch were the cushions from every other couch in the room lined up neatly along the side and level with the cushions I was laying on.

So in effect it really wouldn't have mattered if I rolled over. Except that there happened to be a kitty sleeping on top of me. Except that when I rolled over it was right under me, and no longer asleep.

Kitty spontaneously turned into vicious felix tigris grew points out of five out of its six appendages and proceeded to claw its way out of possible suffocation by Akiko.

"Rise and shine Kiddo!"

"Oh no…" I moaned. I closed my eyes and decided it would be best to play dead.

Small bony hands grabbed the spitting cat, lifting it out of my view. Then those same hands curled around my wrist and pulled me off the couch… Well I sorta helped.

I watched the floor change from tan rug to linoleum to wood as a chair and then a table floated into view. Spotting the conditions for a possible napping site I slouched down, crossed my arms on the table and settled back down.

"Now now, none of that!"

Someone tugged on my hair, faced with premature baldness I lifted my head for the few precious seconds it took Clarice to slide a bowl of ramen right into the middle of my napping formation. Sleep in soup or don't sleep at all.

"You're not sleeping until that entire bowl is empty."

I stared into the shimmering yellow noodle and pushed it away. "You and what army."

Five hands pushed it back under my nose. Five calloused, ninja hands.

I glanced up, Gai was back. The rest of them, and I had mysteriously transported to Clarice's kitchen. My fuzzy memories had become fuzzier yet. They all gave me stern but sheepish smiles.

I picked up the chopsticks. "This is sooo unfair."

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I sighed and drank the last of the broth, triumphantly pushing it away with a 'ha' and assumed the position. I felt the soft fleece of my sleeves on my cheek at the same time as a watery slosh announced that someone had just refilled my bowl.

I pressed my face into my arms. "No no no no. I didn't see that."

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Luckily the bowl was pretty small. If it was Ichiraku size I would have just died on the spot, but it was rice bowl size. I was still slowing down though. Maybe because I was filling up, maybe because five pairs of eyes silently watching me eat is a little unnerving. Either way, but the time I was close to nearing the end of the next bowl I had a plan ready.

I had carefully positioned my napkin right on the table in front of me, and as soon as I drank the last of the broth I flipped over the bowl and proceeded to sleep on top of it. Ha. Let's see them try to refill it this way.

A whine of protest filtered out of my throat as my arms were gently pulled away.

Obito sighed. "Akiko you have to eat."

"I'm not hungry. Just let me sleep." The first part was still whine, the second part a really good threat.

More sighs.

"You kids just run along. I'm an expert at dealing with stubborn children. Years of experience!" Cackle cackle.

"Thanks Clarice, we'll be back to check on her later. Okay?"

"You can thank me by picking up some milk on your way back, two percent! Now get outta my kitchen you troublemakers!"

Ahhh the army was leaving. I felt a sadistic satisfaction at someone other than myself getting ordered around. A few hands rubbed my back as they left. I wasn't too happy at them though and just ignored them.

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I flinched as she poked me with a bony finger. Somehow she'd forced toast, eggs, and banana bread on me. I was simply too full to even consider the miso steaming in front of me. Akiko was going to explode any moment now.

Then surprisingly there was a knock at the door.

"Clairce could you help me with something it'll only take a second…"

It was all I needed to hear. I watched her out of the corner of my eye only trudging to the door when she passed out of view. I rested against the frame as the two women walked down the hall and turned into a different apartment. Feeling very ninja-like I wobbled over to the railing and made my way down the corridor, and then slowly, painstakingly down the steps. It would have been really tempting to take a nap there against the wall except that Clarice's presence kept nagging me to at least get out of the building.

Then I could nap in peace…somewhere.

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"Are you alright?"

I curled away from the voice. "No I'm not hungry."

"…"

The resigned sigh had become my new preemptive warning. I curled tighter as I felt someone try to pull me up. "Nooo I said I want to sleep!"

The tugging on my arm paused. "I thought you said you're not hungry."

"Yes, I am. Not hungry." I stated firmly. "Yes." I nodded against the grass I was lying on satisfied that I was still horizontal. There was something very satisfying about being horizontal.

The grip on my arm gave a smooth tug, and suddenly I was half-vertical, and none too happy about it. I blinked wearily until my vision cleared and I could see who dared interrupt my slumber. Ah…it was the black haired, black eyed ninja who pulled me off the street last time I'd decided to take a public nap. Well…maybe not decided really…

"Ahh….you."

"Yes me. Are you sick again?"

"No. Not sick." I yawned and tried to pry his hand off my arm. It was just kind of not understanding that I wanted it to move though. Maybe it didn't realize that I wanted to sleep.

"Are you sure you're alright."

"I have a name you know." I growled irritated.

He sighed again. "Okay, what's your name?"

I already knew my name though. I didn't know his name. That was very rude of him to ask my name without telling me his. "I don't know your name."

"I didn't ask you my name."

"Good because I don't know it."

"I need to know your name."

"I don't! I need to sleep!" Angrily I jerked at his wrist, which refused to acknowledge me.

"Why don't you sleep at home."

"I am going to sleep at home…later."

"Why don't you tell me where you live and you can sleep there now."

"Because you're a _stranger_." I stated bluntly.

"I'm not a stranger, you know where I live."

"You're a guy, it's different. Can I just _please_ go back to sleep?"

"Your sleep is unnatural."

"Thanks a lot."

He sighed. He sounded as tired as I was, why didn't he just let go and then we could both get sleep?

Sleep. You know I bet I could use his arm as a…

"No." He shifted his grip so it was too uncomfortable to be a potential pillow. "If you don't tell me where you live I'll take you to the hospital."

"No no no no no, that's not fair!"

He leaned down and started to pick me up. I pushed at his chest.

"Stop I can walk by myself! I'm not tired…" He paused. I might have gotten out of it if I hadn't spontaneously decided to lapse back into unconsciousness.

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"_KAKASHI OBITO TAKESHI!"_

"_Clarice…?"_

"_Clarice what are you doing here?" _

"_Did something happen to Akiko?"_

"_Akiko's gone! I stepped out for a moment and she must have gotten up and left."_

"_When did this happen."_

"_Well an old woman can only run so fast!"_

"_On the bright side she couldn't have gone far."_

"_Okay, standard formation then. She shouldn't be that hard to find."_

"_At the rate she gets in to trouble she could make a fortune in insurance."_

"_TAKESHI!"_

"_TAKESHI!"_

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"Take a right here."

"That's the direction of your house."

"My friend's house."

"You're going to direct me to your friend's house?"

"…"

"Hey…"

"…"

Sigh.

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"You turned left."

"You fell asleep. Again."

"I couldn't help it."

"I thought you said you wasn't tired."

"I'm not tired, I'm sleepy."

"There's a difference?"

"…"

"Again?"

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"Wait, where are we going?"

"The hospital."

"Why?"

"There's something wrong with you."

"Well you're nice."

"I'm serious."

"Well I'm…"

"…sleepy?"

"mmm…."

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"Anyway we can't go to the hospital."

"Why not."

"I have hospital phobia."

"You're afraid of the hospital?"

"Well the hospital has needles, and needles are scary."

"Do senbon count?"

"What are senbon?"

"Ninja needles."

"Yes…are you carrying them? Put me DOWN NOW."

"No I'm not."

"I don't believe you. Down."

"I'm not going to leave you in the middle of town like you are."

"…"

"…"

"…"

"…"

'No I really mean it put me down."

"…"

"Needles are worse than heights. Down."

"Very well."

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"What now?"

"M'going home."

"Are you going to make it?"

"Yessss…..Yes!"

"If you fall you'll injure yourself."

"I won't fall."

"You can barely stand."

"You can barely argue…hah ha ha ha…"

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"You can't follow me home."

"oh?"

"I'm going to cross the hall go up stairs and go to sleep. I won't be able to be hostessy."

"I'm more concerned about the stairs."

"I'll sleep on the couch."

"I'll come anyway."

"I'll be too tired to offer you a drink though."

"I don't require one."

"But it would be impolite of me…"

"I'm sure I can find your kitchen then."

"Okay."

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"You're carrying me again."

"You tried to dive off the walkway."

"I don't know why but I'm so sleepy."

"You were drugged."

"I don't do drugs."

"Other people do."

"It wouldn't make me sleepy though….would it."

"Yes it would."

"If you say so…"

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"I don't want to go to the hospital."

"We're not going there."

"Where then?"

"My house."

"I'm okay though."

"You are anything but."

"You'll let me sleep?"

"Yes."

"Alright."

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The funny thing about sleeping is that in your mind it happens like instantaneously, unless you dream, then it can take a few minutes or forever, but when you didn't it was as if no time passed. So I'd talk and then blink and we'd be somewhere else, and blink and somewhere else again and blink and we were in his room. Actually he was pulling the covers up to my chin.

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"What if you get sleepy though. I don't want you to use the desk again."

He shrugged.

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She opened her mouth as if to speak again but seemed to pause on the word itself, deflating in a sigh as she relaxed into the sheets. There was a definite excess of something in her system alright. Turning slightly he padded to the door and slid it open, revealing a shorter younger Uchiha.

"Sasuke, do me a favor and watch her would you?"

"Aniki, who is she?"

He glanced back at the bed, where a sliver of her face was visible between hair and bedding. "I don't know her name."

"You're letting her sleep in your bed."

"She's very…sleepy."

"You look sleepy too aniki. You should sleep too!"

Itachi smiled and ruffled his hair. "Soon. But not now. Can you watch her for me?"

"It's a mission right?" Darting past him, Sasuke clambered up onto the bed grinning. "I'll be here until you come back!"

He smiled softly and then started as the girl mumbled in her sleep and snaking out an arm clamped Sasuke back against her chest, her other arm popping out to secure the hold.

He watched with amusement as Sasuke fought the grip for a little while until he finally settled down against the folds of the blanket, growling softly in half appreciation half annoyance as she stroked his hair. Sasuke seemed to have become something of an impromptu teddy bear. It would keep him there until he got back though.

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There was still a lot of background he needed to read up on for the upcoming mission. Extensive background. He sighed and pushed his bangs back past his peripheral vision in time to see a most oddly placed shade of green.

"Takeshi-san."

The other ninja leapt down off the wall, rebounding off the ground to stop in front of him. "Captain-Uchiha. You wouldn't happen to have seen a young woman around here would you? Brown hair, brown eyes…mildly disorientated."

His eyes narrowed slightly. "You mean the one that still has at least a triple dose of Haze powder still circulating in her system?"

Takeshi laughed nervously. "Ah, good. You found her then yes? She wouldn't happen to be around her would she?" He asked delicately glancing to either side."

"She's resting. Considering my part though, I do believe an explanation is owed."

"Well…I'm not the best one to give one, actually let me call the rest here. They'll want to know she's okay." He turned halfway and whistled sharply in the direction of the village proper.

It wasn't long before several more feet landed lightly in the courtyard. Genma Satome, Kakashi, Hatake, Obito Ayame, Gai, and Takeshi. As each appeared it was more and more easy to believe the overdose arising from some honest accident. With the exception of Takeshi they were more or less all responsible ninja that he had worked with at one point or another.

The important things first. "You're friend is safe, and sleeping currently. Luckily we have some of the remedy on hand, I'll get it in a minute. But first, I'd like an explanation."

In a rare moment of visible remorse, Genma Satome pulled the senbon from his mouth, running a hand over his bandana covered head. "It's my mistake…"

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"It's almost dinner time, could you get Sasuke and Itachi please?"

Ayuri Uchiha looked up from where he was sitting in the office adjacent to the kitchen, and sighing tapped the stack of paper straight before pushing his chair back.

Clan business. It was always a delicate business. The Third had reassured him time and time again that the Uchiha were appreciated, welcome members of the Konoha community. Yet still there was a great deal of jealousy and animosity between them and the other clans.

Their almost complete monopolization of the police force, not to mention the individual training that most Uchiha received at home set them on a higher level than other ninjas. Integrating even further into the Konoha ranks was necessary to promote good relations with the other families. Especially when the clan had decided to implement such a drastic change in their own training. It would require good standing in order to get the rest of the village to pass it as acceptable.

Ayuri smiled proudly as he thought of his elder son. Itachi was a strong influence in the village already. With his talent, widespread connections and recognized skill as a captain of the ANBU many improvements had already come to pass.

"Itachi? Dinner time."

Waiting a moment heard breathing on the other side. Odd, he'd never known Itachi to be a heavy sleeper. Granted he deserved some rest, there was that important mission coming up.

"Itachi." No response. Sighing, he slid open the wooden panel and froze.


	15. bad luck

I guess it was the breeze that started to wake me up first. The last thing I remembered was getting tucked into a bed in a closed room. In fact I was positive I'd heard the light chick as the door met the doorframe. My muddled mind took this to mean that someone was here again. Possibly to force feed me.

It took only a moment to remember that I felt as full as a deluxe sized bouncy ball, and about as round as one too. I snuggled deeper into the blankets and reinforced my grip on the little ninja.

Then someone was touching my hair. I relaxed slightly. Had Kakashi found me? We he and mystery ninja friends? Enemies? Ninja comrades?

I decided this was worth asking, and started the difficult process of rousing myself. Except someone helped. A little too much.

The hand on my hair suddenly tightened and pulled.

"Aaaaaaaa!" I shot upwards, dragging little ninja with me who immediately woke up and started shouting. I couldn't hear him though, because the man who was clutching a fistful of my hair was shouting too, and pulling hard enough that I couldn't help but scream out sound effects in my vain attempts to get him to stop.

Getting slapped for screaming hurt too, but when in doubt scream. And I did.

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Eventually everyone had to breath though. In that moment I remembered to loose the little ninja, who'd been struggling against my grip, which had reflexively tightened as I realized just how attached I was to my hair. In all possible meanings.

Little ninja leapt to his feet on the bed and threw his weight on the guy's arm. A truly benevolent gesture on his part. The guy started yelling at the little tyke then though, and from what I gathered they were maybe father and son? It was a little difficult to tell as he'd shake his hand every now and then for emphasis, and I was still unwillingly attached to said hand.

I missed whatever the little ninja said, but it made the guy angry and he pushed little ninja down. When I tried to be benevolent, and prevent the little guy from getting a concussion against the wall I was dragged off the bed and once I got my footing I was forced to my tiptoes.

And there, standing in the middle of the room half suspended by my hair with two people screaming I amazingly began to fall asleep…

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"…it wasn't until Obito tasted his some time later that I realized the two packets must have gotten switched. We left her with a friend this morning but apparently she slipped away and-"

Screaming. Sasuke's, Father's, Akiko's. Itachi swiveled and sped in the direction of his room. It didn't take extensive thought to imagine what must have happened. Father had a habit for neglecting other people's privacy, forgetting to knock, or entering his room while he was away.

It had never produced this reaction though. Then again he didn't routinely invite over women, or anyone for that matter. Perhaps this was why…

He slid the last few feet on the waxed floors and clamped his own mouth shut to keep from adding to the tumult.

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It was really bad

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Sasuke was unsuccessfully trying to get his father's attention as the elder Uchiha was equally unsuccessfully trying to get Akiko's attention. Akiko who was either unconscious because of injury or a relapse of the sedative and had fallen to her knees, held partially vertical by Ayuri's grip in her hair.

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He darted into the room, using a pressure point on his father's wrist to get him to release her at the same time he grabbed her around the shoulders to prevent further injury. By that time Takeshi and Genma had pulled Ayuri back far enough for Kakashi and Obito to slip past. Gai had gently detached Sasuke from his Father, and his little brother had calmed down enough to merely stand back breathing heavily.

A bruise was already beginning to form on her face, and a few more where she had hit the desk when coming off the bed. But overall, no serious harm. Then his mother tentatively appeared at the door, and Genma, who had long since let go of his Father, swiftly moved out into the hall to explain in quiet tones what had transpired.

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He looked up to see his Father's cold gaze bearing down on him. ANBU did give one special immunity against intimidation though.

"Sasuke, thank you for watching her. You did well. Could you visit Aunt Yuko and ask her for Haze antidote?"

Sasuke was clever. He knew when to speak and when to be silent. He nodded once and darted out of the room, his pattering footsteps making straight for the front entrance. The next look he saw of his father was one of resigned to the defensive. They'd be getting no apology out of him. Perhaps remorse would be enough.

"I apologize for not informing you, I left her there temporarily with Sasuke until I could get the remedy myself but I was temporarily sidetracked."

Ayuri Uchiha had the grace to look mildly regretful. "Quite, I suppose I overreacted, but visitors are so rare I assumed the worst."

The others besides himself looked just as unsatisfied at the excuse, but unlike them he knew they'd get little more. Ayuri Uchiha didn't make mistakes, and therefore did not apologize.

"Help me move her back onto the bed."

In unison he and Kakashi shifted her back onto the upset bedding. She didn't appear to mind however as they rearranged the blankets around her.

"I've got it!" Sasuke darted back in, puffing from effort and holding a small kit with the antidote.

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"Oww….." All faces turned as Akiko's hand came up to rub her head. Blinking blearily she surveyed the room in the haze like manner that was symbolic of the sedative's name. That was until her eyes landed on Sasuke's burden, where they widened considerably.

"You know that looks suspiciously like a needle."

He grimaced mildly as he realized that the injection needle was indeed visible through the box.

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I guess I could say they were kind of clever. They waited until I'd fallen asleep again, to give me the injection. Except I woke up about halfway through, saw the massive needle impaling my arm and panicked. It's a natural reaction.

What can I say? We all convened to the kitchen so I could get an explanation and Mrs. Uchiha could bandage the long scratch on my arm where the needle had dug in when I'd tried to punch Obito. Frankly I wasn't all to happy with any of them right now. Hence Mrs. Uchiha doing the bandaging.

Truthfully they had thought out the entire situation, and acted admirably. I was still steaming mad at them. I thanked everyone, told them I was going home, and warned them that if anything like this happened again I would move to cloud.

We were a small parade going home. I bet half the neighborhood thought I'd turned mass murderer the way all sorts of ninja were hovering around me. A friend of Mom's, the kind that know your name but you don't know theirs', ran up to me at one point and started asked me what had happened, while implying she was very sorry about whatever it was.

I wonder what she would have done if I told her I'd been drugged by a bunch of village ninja, and only completely woke up a few hours ago. But as scandalously fun as that might have been, I'm pretty sure I would have been dragged to a medical clinic to test if I'd gotten pregnant during those lost hours. How embarrassing that would be…

So I simply told her I was very tired, had already fallen asleep on the way home and was being escorted to make sure I didn't do myself permanent damage. Everyone bought into it really quickly.

I made it safely home. I mean, come on how could I not?

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I let them stuff me with yet another noodle soup, humored them by talking constantly during a bath, not shower! (just in case I passed out I didn't want a concussion! Or to give them a chance to run in on me.) I let them tuck me into bed, didn't snarl too much when I found out that during my shower Obito and Itachi had collectively moved my entire book collection from my floor to the shelves. They'd also lain down pillows, just like at Clarisse's house.

All in all it was very touching. I stretched out in bed, waited for them all to leave then got up, dressed and walked to Kanoi's. As much as I wanted to be their cute little civilian, I had things to do.

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Kanoi had immediately ushered me upstairs to her room, both of us plopping on the bed. "So, what's been happening?"

"That's it?" Kanoi remarked incredulously. "I thought since you didn't make it back here last night that you must have been getting some wild sex or something."

I feinted a punch at her. "You've just run out of romance novels haven't you."

She grinned cheekily at me. "You know what's really odd? They recalled Volume 7 of Come Come Paradise, but there's already publicity for the 8th volume, Come Come Violence."

I blinked at her. "You're joking, Jirayia-sama said… damn. Well he is a ninja, I wouldn't expect him to be able to do much in the publishing industry, but it was a nice thought."

"Besides, I bet Kakashi's all but forgot about the book, with you getting into trouble every other day!"

"At least he's got his priorities down correctly."

"How do you know? Are you sure you still have the book?"

I'd last took it out of the shoulder bag and put it on my floor by the bed which meant…damn they'd cleaned my room! I'd never find it! Then again, neither would anyone else. "Yeah, pretty sure. Anyway I've got important business to do."

"Yeah, like what?" She retorted.

I smiled. "I've an overdue appointment with a certain Makoto Nikuyo."

"Who is she?"

"A Kakashi-fanatic."

"Good grief, make sure to take your pepper spray."

"I won't need it, I'll just make you go all kung-fu on her."

"Me?"

"Yep, you're coming along."

"What could make you think that I want to terrorize some poor girl?"

"You don't?"

"Well that's beside the point."

"Shut up and pass the phonebook, as soon as I get her address we can pay her an impromptu visit."

"Take your time, I'll practice my glare."

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As it was we didn't even make it to the her house. We ran into Makoto-chan at the market place, buying turnips no less. Striding up to the fashionable figure I stopped directly behind her and tapped her shoulder.

"Konnichiwa, how can I…Akiko-san…"

"Makoto-chan, so nice to see you."

"Ah…I'm kind of…"

"I'll keep it brief, what did you ask Kakashi?"

"…" Her eyes flickered around the market, refusing to meet my own.

"Makoto-chan…" I warned.

"I asked if he liked you."

Kanoi choked. Any hope for salvation fled from my mind. "Just like that?"

"Well…yes."

"In front of Obito and Takeshi?"

"Yes."

"In front of Mom and Dad?"

"Yes."

I don't get angry easily but this was pushing it. "What the hell made you do that?"

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She straightened, leveling her chin with my nose. I hate my height at times like this. "Because you stole him away from us! It was unfair, sneaky, deceptive and illegal. You've never sent him chocolates, Christmas cards, I bet you don't know his birthday even."

"So…you're unhappy because I haven't become a stalker like the rest of you."

"Kakashi-sama deserves better than you! Using victimization to get closer to him, preying on his generosity and kindness. You make me sick, you…bitch!"

Kanoi whistled under her breath, and I sighed. Somehow, some way her anger had diffused mine. Maybe it was the insanity of it all. I needed to set an appointment for a CAT scan sometime soon. "Sheesh, you're such a child. If you're really that unhappy about it I'll just tell him I'm not interested in a relationship right now."

She became more livid, "How dare you treat him so lightly! No! I won't stand for it! Even if you feel no connection, I can tell you've already become an important person to him. I won't let you end your relationship."

Now I was beginning to get scared. Run away, run away! "You've just given me incentive to leave Konoha, good riddance Makoto." I turned tail and picked up a brisk pace.

And then something amazing happened. Something so completely unexpected, yet at the same time logical. I suddenly understood the explanation about how Ninja's are predictable, because they follow a certain pattern. And I realized that people like me had certain predictability too, but Kakashi-crazed people like Makoto…were different.

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I turned at the yelp, and watched as Makoto shoved Kanoi into a fruit stall, before rushing at me. "I won't let you break his heart!"

I wanted to laugh really badly. Of all the things she could do-and then I lost the thought as her punch caught me across the face. I gingerly touched my cheek, and returned to my unbelieving state of mind as I watched her leap at me.

She actually did tackle me to the ground. I was amazed, I'd never, never fought anyone outside my family before. And she was attacking me in public, this was the opposite of the nice-polite-shy-girl stereotype I thought she was.

I threw her off to the side as she tried to hit me again. I noticed Kanoi being helped out of a mess of limes, relatively clean. Then Makoto got my attention again, grabbing my hair.

I was somewhat already sore in the scalp department, complements of Itachi's Dad. She managed to throw me to the ground again, but this time I squirmed on top and tried to convince her to let go of my hair. Namely by socking her repeatedly in the face.

Of course, only now did 'help' arrive. And in the most unfortunate form too…

"AKIKO!"

Ninjas. Of course the market people didn't do anything, well besides make a ring around us so everyone could see easier.

Someone grabbed me from behind, and tried to pull me off her. She hadn't quiet let go of my hair yet though, and it didn't work too well. I did manage to take another pot shot at her while they were wrenching open her hand though.

The instant we were apart we were ninja-ed out to a less public place, that turned out to be the Hokage's office.

Goody.


	16. The Sandaime

This update is for XxInuKagxX who had the nerve to interrupt my writer's block.

Kudos to you…whoever you are….

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The San-daime is a grizzled old, fart who seems to have traded his hair for age spots. I had to admire him though, he wore the same clothing day in day out, and it was still the brightest cleanest white cloth I'd ever seen.

"So who would like to explain first?"

Kanoi had trailed along, aided by Takeshi. Makoto and I were front stage at his desk, flanked everywhere by ninjas. Mildly disconcerting.

I shrugged and glared at Makoto, "You can start."

To my horror, she burst into tears.

I glanced back and forth between her and the Hokage who was now staring sternly at me. To be frank, I did not want to explain why she had attacked me. I had to think up a legible excuse quick…

"They were fighting over Kakashi, Hokage-sama."

Makoto and I whipped around to stare at Kanoi who was smiling! Smiling! That…traitor!

"I WAS NOT!"

"I WAS NOT!"

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We simultaneously sent glares at each other. It was like some kind of bad horror movie. Then as is the case in these situations, we both started to gush out explanations, raising the volume of our voices to be heard over one another. Until we tried to duke it out, right there, in the Hokage's office.

Unfortunately for us there were more ninjas around just itching to break up fights. Jerks! I mean, if they just let me break her legs this whole issue would be over with already!

"ENOUGH! You're name is Kanoi correct? Explain."

Uh oh.

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Leave it to Kanoi to be cool under pressure. "It's really simple. Makoto was upset that Akiko is getting more attention, and when Akiko offered to back off a bit, she got upset that Akiko wasn't taking the situation seriously and pushed ME into a vegetable stand. Then proceeded to tackle Akiko blah blah blah, you know the rest."

I didn't look left, I didn't look right. I looked down. At the ground. Not at Kakashi, not at the Hokage, and I could just barely tell that Makoto was trying to hide her gaze the same way. Clever girl.

There was silence.

Then. "Akiko-san, do you agree with her analogy?" The hokage asked.

Pick on the short one why don't you! "Nope. I was taking the situation very seriously." Especially after she got that grip on my hair. I winced in reflection.

Pause. "Makoto-san, do you agree with her analogy?"

"Absolutely not, I was in no way jealous of that girl!"

The hokage sighed. "Akiko-san, Makoto-san, I have only a slight idea of what the two of you are involved in, but you are both citizens of Konoha, well above the age that we consider one to be an adult. Although I'm sure the issue that you need to resolve is important, starting a fight where property could get damaged…"

He gave Makoto a pointed look, which then switched to me. "…and continuing a fight to the point where someone could get hurt—is a most immature way to go about solving problems. If you have a decision that needs to be resolved, my door is always open. I expect better from you both from now on."

I felt like slush, I wanted to collapse in a watery mess into my shoes and just soak through the cracks in the floorboards. I was being immature, and disrespectful and irresponsible and I hadn't even started the whole damn thing. I felt like a kid again. A little kid getting scolded by a parent.

With the age gap it was a pretty good comparison. Old fart that he was. I scowled at the floor.

"Do the two of you understand."

I nodded, murmuring a "Yes." Which I heard repeated moments later from Makoto.

"Good. Now go enjoy the afternoon. Weather this good is rare."

And just like that we were dismissed.

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I sulked out into the hall, grabbed Kanoi and was prepared to storm home when someone grabbed me. I spun around to tell Makoto off, verbally…only to discover it wasn't her it was Kakashi. And he was frowning…or at least it came off that way.

"Akiko, what were you doing?"

He said it in such a cold accusing manner I had to pause for a moment to see if he would haze out of existence. Kakashi had never talked to me like that. Never addressed me like that. Never really just grabbed me like that.

Then the injustice of it all came swarming back, I tried to jerk my arm free…but what can I say. He _is_ a ninja. "Standing up for myself?" I snapped back. "What should I have just let her-"

"I'm not talking about that. You left your house, you weren't resting."

"Seeing as how I'd been sleeping all day…I figured a little walk wouldn't hurt." I retorted, not needing to point out the reason why I had been unconscious for the greater part of the last twenty-four hours.

"We told you to rest because Haze takes a while to exit the system, it's amazing that you didn't collapse on the street. Do you think we told you to rest for nothing? You could have seriously hurt yourself."

Well…gee. I didn't think about that. I opened my mouth…but there was really nothing I could say… I glanced up, they were all looking mildly pissed off with worry. I shrunk. "…sorry."

Kakashi sighed and then turned to Makoto, letting go of my arm. She glared defiantly back at him as he approached her. I would have felt sorry for her, if I wasn't feeling like such a sorry jerk myself.

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I didn't get to see him chew her out though, Takeshi crept up behind me putting a hand lightly between my shoulders and pushing me towards the door. "Come on, I'll walk you home." He nodded at Kanoi and she followed as we silently left the building.

We dropped Kanoi off. She gave me a worried look, Mom and Dad wouldn't be home again until tomorrow. That's what both Dad and I had forgotten. The miniature vacation she had planned for after the dinner. It was easy to forget though…anniversaries are the kind of thing that just creep up on you like that.

Honestly, I would have rather just crashed at her place for the night. But neither of us wanted to breach the topic with Takeshi who was very uncharacteristically serious about the whole deal.

I hadn't thought it was that much of a problem.

We walked in silence back to my house. My empty house. Takeshi waited until I'd changed and gotten into bed before he abandoned his post in the hallway and I heard the front door quietly click shut.

Only then did I cry myself to sleep. Not even sure why.

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I woke up, disappointed that someone hadn't come and visited at an unreasonable hour and reassured me. Disappointed that I'd wanted one of them too.

I got up and wrote 'because they drug people' on my Why I hate Ninja's List.

Then I went back to bed. It was Sunday. If I lay low today I would be caught up with classes for another week's worth of time before I'd have to deal with anything relating to ninjas. I wished it would all just go away.

When I heard someone storming up the steps to the second floor I had worked myself into a righteous sulk. I clung to my sheets, buried my head under the blankets and resolved to whine until they went away. If it got serious I could always shout or something.

When it came down to it, I was a girl and they were guys. This was my house, and I was in my bedroom and if anyone so much as glanced at the situation I would not be the offender. I had no qualms about vocally alerting the neighborhood to their presence if they decided I needed to get out of bed.

It would be justified for forcing me to sleep so much. They wanted me in bed, well fine. But I wasn't going to get out either, and they'd just have to deal with it.

I froze in shock as my blanket was yanked from my grip and cold air rushed in to fill its place. Who dared! I spun around, forgetting the plan to act childish and glared back at Kanoi's smirk.

"Rise and shine, buttercup!" She cooed.

My eyes trailed to my thick comforter which she dragged along with her as she breezed out of my room, shutting the door behind her. I scowled at the wood and then took a moment to review the list before slumping over to my dresser and pulling out some clothes. Unfortunately Kanoi had proven in the past to be more resilient than even those new aged nalgene bottles.

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I didn't walk downstairs as much as I flowed downstairs, a little Akiko waterfall that slothfully slid down each step with great reluctance. Kanoi had made breakfast, the thought warmed me for a moment until I saw the little doggy bag from a diner just across the way. Still pancakes are pancakes.

I slathered them in the diner's signature blueberry sauce. They made trashy pancakes, but the sauce was excellent, if you added enough it drowned out the taste of the 'real food'. There wasn't enough blueberry sauce to override my suspicion though. Kanoi usually worked the bookstore weekends. What was she doing here during prime book-selling hours? After all what is more exciting than buying books at—I glanced at the clock—8 in the morning? That's when I'd bought Come Come Paradise after all and look at what had happened to me!

"So…Akiko…sleep well?"

"Just fine." I responded slowly. Kanoi was fidgeting, not eating, and smiling as if she was on a mission to pull a face muscle.

"Guess what happened to me this morning!" She slid to the very front edge of her seat, feet bouncing on the ground with restrained excitement.

Her cheeriness began to grate on my nerves. "Ohhh…let me guess you won the Konoha lottery right?" I sneered determined to break her bubble of self-imposed giddiness.

Her chair clattered to the floor as she leapt to her feet slamming both hands on the table so hard that the blueberry sauce wobbled and finally tipped over. "Akiko-" she ground out "-you don't have to be so mean." Then her scowl split into the smile again and she started twirling around the room laughing.

Never turning my eyes from my friend I tentatively pinched my arm. Nope, still awake. Then my mind started methodically reasoning where I could find either Riddilin or tranquilizers within the house. I was about to lie to get to the medical kit above the bathroom sink when she grabbed my shoulders and gave me a gleeful, energetic hug and shouted.

"Yes! Yes! I won a trip to Yutanaro! Come with me Akiko!"

I was still in detox, half asleep, half worried about Kanoi's mental health, expected to go to classes the following week, and almost daily pursued by a small posse of elite ninja. The mere suggestion of leaving the village the day before had ended with the two of us dragged to the Hokage's office after a public and very vicious fight from which I was still tender around the scalp.

However, there was no where better to relax then on vacation, the trip would be good for me and Kanoi, I would enjoy it more than classes, loose the ninjas, piss off Makoto and get away from the new and scarier version of Kakashi that I had been introduced to. Yutanaro-ho!

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My grin became just as wide. "Oh my gosh! Let's leave now!" I squealed.

Kanoi didn't reply but raced to her house to pack, skipping every third step.

I threw clothes toiletries and money into a backpack raced over to Kanoi's.

Spontaneously going on vacation was not the brightest idea in the world.

The possibility that my parents would know that Kanoi won the lottery: zero percent. The likelihood that they would be mad at me running off and missing classes: one hundred percent. The probability that they would know where I was, and after finding out haul me back: zero percent. But they would get worried, so I'd left a little note saying that Kanoi had to go away for a while and being the dutiful friend that I was I bravely accompanied her.

Did I mention that it was to the gambling, show packed, tourist center of Fire country?

Well…that little detail failed to make it into my note.

This way maybe I'd even be able to make progress with the book!


	17. Yutanaro ho

Chapter offically dedicated to people who e-mail me and remind me to update. Silver angel knight person in this instance. ps: it's not rude

You know the saying 'the calm before the storm' or 'the higher you are the farther you fall'? I never really knew how true they were until I was in the foyer with my suitcase half full, so I could drag home a lot of loot, and ready to go.

Everything was ready, I'd left a censored but sufficiently reassuring note on the table, I'd turned off all the appliances, locked all the doors and everything was packed except for my house keys, which I need to lock the front door.

Then I opened the front door and looked up to see a very apologetic Makoto-chan...

"Akiko, I'm very sorry for yesterday -"

but she wasn't sorry for very long...

"-is that a suitcase? Are you going somewhere?"

In fact her mood swings could rival the acceleration of those new roller coasters...

"I thought we came to an agreement yesterday. I guess I was mistaken."

The transformation from downcast eyes and slumped shoulders to clenched fists and gritted teeth was so dramatic I'd frozen. Then I tried to slam the door shut.

Makoto showing her true devious colors stuck her designer tooled leather shoe in the door jam stopping the heavy wood before it closed. She had just taken an inch long scrape to $120 designer footwear for her cause. I was now very scared.

"You're Not Leaving! I'll tie you to a chair if I have to!"

Not nearly as scared as I became when four pine green fingernails curled around the edge and started pushing. She must work out or something, because the door was steadily opening despite the fact that I was pushing against it with my full weight.

"Holy -!"

"Open this door Now!"

I ducked out of reach of her nails, pressing my back to the door and bracing my feet as I shoved backwards. "I don't think so..." I murmured to myself.

"You coldhearted player! Let me in!"

Our goodluck dragon grinned sarcastically as he watched me struggle against the door. I scowled, wrapped a hand around his snakey middle and gave the manicured fingers a solid whack.

Fingers and foot disappeared with a pained squeal. I grinned and moved to shut the door only to have it knock me down as Makoto tumbled into the house. I can't believe this girl! Scowling I struggled to my feet and saw Makoto scramble onto her hands and knees.

"You're not going anywhere!" The look in her eyes was that of a psychopathic killer. I had a revolutionary flashback to my first conversation with Jiraya on what all ninja tried to avoid. No wonder Kakashi wasn't dating her.

Long nailed fingers wrapped around one of my wrists, tightening as I tried to jerk free. My handbag had spilled stuff everywhere when I'd fallen and I grabbed the book. When Makoto raised her face to glare at me I smacked her across the face. "Let go!"

I scrambled to my feet at the same time she did and shoved her towards the open door. She grabbed the front of my shirt for balance, I grabbed the edge of the door for leverage. We tumbled down three steps and onto the main road.

Three steps can hurt a lot.

"Akiko?" I stared up the road at Kanoi, ready with her suitcase and the train tickets. Just then I heard the front door slam shut, the lock clicking. The keys were inside, with the luggage.

"Damn it!"

"Akiko?" Kanoi called uncertainly, her eyes flickering behind me.

I glanced behind me too where Makoto was rising from the ground. However my mind saw a zombie, shakily straightening as it locked it's eyes on me hungry for the living. I scrambled towards Kanoi panicked and high on adrenaline. "Run!"

Kanoi frowned at me, glanced behind me and paled. She twisted around and barreled down the street hauling her luggage with her. I caught up easily being unburdened and grabbed one of her bags stretching out my legs for distance. This sort of necessary triathlon only happens when you least expect them.

"Akiko Kisuno come back here!"

Kanoi threw a glance behind us. "She's insane!"

"I'm in love!" Makoto corrected. I could hear the indignation 30 feet in front of her and running so hard my shins hurt.

Kanoi and I traded desperate looks. "God I hope she's not contagious." I commented.

"Kaiya! stop her!"

She knew both of our names so it took a second to register she might actually not be talking to us. Then we both looked up to see another girl in front of us put down her groceries and move to block the road. No way.

Kanoi didn't even flinch, she picked up speed her luggage bouncing along and slammed her shoulder into the girl sending her to the ground as she barreled past. I shrugged and smiled at her furious expression as we darted past.

Now we were on the train peering victoriously out of a window in first class as Makoto and two other girls tried to argue with one of the station attendants, who apparently wasn't letting them on the train without a ticket. The guy was really earning his wages standing up to her like that.

As the train pulled away I waved and smiled. Although it was a bit disconcerting the way Makoto was smiling back at me while she dialed some number on her cell phone. What could she possibly do with that? Calling the Hokage to commission some ninjas?

I didn't want to think about that.

oooo0ooo

"So who do you think those other girls were?" I asked, relaxing back into the cushions. First class is comfy. Kanoi looked up from the menu she had been reading.

"How should I know, cousins? Do you want something besides tempura?"

"I can't get anything, my wallet is in my house with my clothes and toothbrush."

She scowled at me. "Why didn't you bring them?"

I scowled back. "Besides the fact that I was about to be brutally murdered in broad daylight?" I rubbed my eyes with my palms and grimaced. "They're on the foyer floor right next to my keys."

Her blank look conveyed disbelief even though she had seen half of it herself. "Well...by the time we get back your parent's will be home."

"They'll think I got kidnapped. Besides I still have no money."

Kanoi smiled at that. "Well the trip includes food the entire time we're here."

"Yes but I have no clothes. And I'm not going to wear food."

Her smile turned creepy. "Well actually-"

"I do not want to know what is going through your head. The answer is no." She'd been watching late night tv lately, I had a pretty good idea that her idea would scar me for life.

"I don't know what you're going to do then, I can lend you some money but I get to pick out the clothes."

I gave her one slashing look. "you'll probably buy a big fox costume, people would stone me in the streets."

She blushed. "I'm not that mean..."

I rolled my eyes and opened the book. Amazingly I'd kept a hold of it after it'd been used to swat Makoto. No clothes, no money, no food. Just Come come paradise. I took it as a divine hint and decided to catch up on my reading.

ooo0ooo

"Akiko."

"What?"

"I'll buy the book from you."

"I'm still reading it."

"You'll have money to buy clothes..."

"After I'm done."

"I don't want it later."

"Well I'm reading it."

"But I'm soooo bored!"

"Tough." Kanoi sighed falling back against the cushions and looked out the window. I grinned behind my book, and then continued reading. I giggled every now and then for added affect.

ooo0ooo

As it was, when we got to Yutanaro Kanoi had a great fantastic brilliant idea. "Akiko you're going in there."

"I am? Why?"

"Because I'm lending you some money."

I raised my eyebrow. "I can't pay you back until we get home you know."

she smiled evilly and pulled out her purse to hand me a few bills. "Actually you're going to pay me back before we go to sleep!"

Both eyebrows went up. "You want me to hold your money for you?"

"Nope, you're going to make us money!"

I frowned and then looked to where she wanted me to go. "Kanoi...that's a gambling joint."

"Well obviously."

"I'll probably loose all your money."

"Nonsense." She began to drag me towards the door, I didn't really want to gamble but she had invited me, was the source of all my meals, and the way back home... we entered the building.

"It's really simple, all you do is guess: odds or evens. You're very lucky, you can't loose."

I frowned and lifted my hand to take her temperature for the second time in a day. Either someone had put drugs in the food and she would be hot or she was out of her mind and her forehead would be cold because the space behind it was empty. Her forehead was cold...

Then the door was slid open, and I was shoved inside.

ooo0ooo

A blond woman looked up from a suitcase full of cash she had been counting. She blinked and scrutinized me from toes to hair thoroughly enough that by the time she got to my face I was scowling and wondering if she was really female. She smirked in response and smiled with a full range of teeth.

"Is that for me?" she asked nodding towards the wad of bills in my hand. There were probably hundreds of gamblers around, I could afford to be extra rude to one of them.

"People come here to gamble away money, not to give away money." I replied dryly. "if you're lost the front desk can probably help you." I twitched my foot so the door slid open for her and smiled so widely we both knew it was a complete lie.

The grin was back in spades as she shut the lid to her briefcase. "Sit down. I don't usually take candy from babies like you, but I suppose your cash is as good as anyone else's."

"I don't have to-"

"Sit down." she commanded.

I dropped to the mat. "I'm sitting."

She twisted to the side and dragged a cup and two dice from the corner where they'd just been put away. "Let's test our luck shall we?"

I rolled my eyes. "And you call me the baby? Gambling is all about skill you know."

She chuckled but continued. "You're new so I'll teach you the simplest game, but then you're own your own. The rules are easy. Since you've got less money we'll play for that. If you win, I'll double your money. If you loose, you double mine." She paused dramatically as if thinking.

Perhaps she should have been an actor instead of a gambler...but then she would have had to get a new jacket. The current one had 'gambling' emblazoned on the back. I had the feeling she came her a lot. The suitcase was bursting at the seams and that chest of hers must have cost a fortune…

"Well I suppose since you don't have enough to double mine I'll be nice and just take all of yours instead of making you owe me." She nodded. I don't think she was really talking to me... Perhaps she was schizophrenic.

"Now pick! Odds or evens!" With a violent looking swipe she hurled the dice into the cup and slammed the cup onto the tatami. "HA!"

Were the dice even still in one piece after that?

"Odd." I proclaimed dryly, staring straight at her. "Very very odd."

She lifted the cup up. Three and Four. Those two dice got such a scathing look of betrayal...

"Well it's no great loss really." She smiled and pulled two bills from between the seam of the suitcase. "See it's simple really, already you're $10 richer."

I stared forlornly at the two bills. Now I could buy...one flip-flop. At Yutanaro prices that would still be a deal.

I smiled. "Hey, let's play again huh?"


	18. sake dinner dessert

It was three o'clock in the morning, I was drunk, happy and rich. "I win."

The woman still stitting across from me scowled at the dice, squinted, drank some sake and checked them again as if the sake was going to improve her vision any. Being the good winner that I was I smiled and sat still when she swore and shoved the rest of the suitcase across the floor so that it bumped into the wall behind me.

"You were just lucky this time, don't let it get to your head or anything." She growled. Tsunade. Tsunade was her name. "Now lez get something to eat." she announced, tossing back the last of the bottle and wobbling to her feet.

I carefully scooped the wads of cash into my backpack, emptying her suitcase, and tied the top shut. Didn't want any to get caught by the wind or anything and get blown away.

The room was littered with empty bottles. Tsunade had thrown hers against the wall when it spilled sake, and it was stuck half in the cement. Certain it was a trick of the light I threw mine to see if I could do the same, but since I wasn't exactly sober it only flew a few inches and skidded across the tatami. Laughing hysterically Tsunade had taken the dice cup and gotten it stuck into the wall too.

The dice were sitting in one of the empty sake bottles on her side of the room. It worked just as well.

"Sure I just need to find Kanoi." Where was she, I had drunk too much she should be a good friend and help me back to the hotel.

"Kanoi! Kanoi!" I wiggled until I was semi verticle, leaning against the wall to keep the floor from shifting. "Where is she?"

"Not here!" Tsunade laughed, striding over to the door, and sliding it open. "KANOI!!" She roared.

"Jeeze!" I pushed myself to my feet, as she laughed uproariously to herself. I was not going out in pulic with this woman. And I was defintely definitely drunk. Even inebreited I knew that earthquakes did not last longer than five minutes and the floor was still not staying still for me. Braced against the wall I tried to sneak past her and out of the room, only to have her grab me, and the empty suitcase and drag us both outside, across the street and right into a bar.

"Two yakisoba!"

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

_Okay people here is the situation: She's currently in Yutanaro, probably to rest and relax before running across the boarder into sand or sound, we have to get to her before then. Although it breaks my heart to lie to him, it would break his heart to find out about Akiko-chan's shameless betrayal. Instead we must strengthen their relationship, particularly her love of him. To enable Kakashi such a opportunity I need a few volunteers..._

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Akiko?"

I rolled onto my back and tried not to feel the yakisoba moving with me. It too a second to recognize her. "Kanoi, hey."

"Why are you lying on the floor?"

Good question. "The ceiling was reserved by ninjas." I giggled at her astounded expression.

"Come on, let's get you out of here."

I smiled as she wrapped my arm around her shoudler and took us both verticle. "Wow you're tall...talll. hee hee hee."

"I can't believe you're drunk." She hefted my backpack and pulled me onto the street. Yutanaro was beautiful at night, with the streets all lit up and no immense stone ninjas watching your every move. It was nice.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

_"Yo Clarisse."_

_"Good afternoon Clarisse."_

_"Whaz up -Baaasan?"_

_"That shipment from the weapons company dropped off your package..."_

_"Ahhh yes, just in time-"_

_"...and Makoto stopped by...something about Akiko going missing."_

_"...what did she say?"_

_"I couldn't really understand much she was talking like a woodpecker, so fast very unlike her..do you want some cookies?"_

_"Thank you Clarisse, we're in a hurry so perhaps later."_

_"No problem Obito. Catcha later!"_

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Room Service!"

I cranned my neck up off the bed. "Food?"

Kanoi rolled her eyes, "desserts and sake -none of which you're going to drink- for the private onsen so we can bathe in style. Wait to you see it, there are even massage jets." She hopped off the bed where we were lying on watching an anime (about ninjas naturally) and strode towards the alcove where the door was.

"Could you put it by the bath please? Thanks."

I vaguely saw the two women wheel the trolly past the open door towards the pool. It was more like a pool really, nuts for just two people but whatever. I was ready to bathe in style. I cut through the bathroom to grab out towels and sauntered out into the pool room to see...nothing. The trollies had clearly been intercepted. I wasn't in a rush to drink anymore but the dessert...she had to share that.

"Kanoi you said it was for the bath." Tossing the towels on a bench I strode back into the main room. "Kanoi-...Kanoi?" What?

"...shhh don't hurt her or anything. Matoko will be furious." Matoko...Matoko!?

Her vicious kakashi-obsessed tentecles reached even here! "Hey! You! Stop right there!" Turning towards the voices I threw open a door and tripped over an unconscious Kanoi. A few strawberries lay next to her open hand.

"Quick get her!"

I struggled to get to my feet, but the second one sat on my back before I could get up. Perhaps I've watched too many movies but I guessed the idea behind the cloth as it came towards me. "Wait wait wait!"

The girl, couldn't have been more than twenty five, and had...a kakashi pin on her lapel...gave me a suspecious look but paused.

"Uhhhh..."

The girl sitting on my stomach had a heart necklace inscribed "SN & KH".

"Uhhhh..."

All hopes of negotiating vanished from my mind.

"If you don't mind I'd rather eat the dessert."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

_Hey Hey Wait you don't understand my name is Kanoi! Kanoi! HEY! Let me out of here damnit I'm on Vacation! I'm not in a relatioshionship wtih Kakashi! Damnit!_

_"Kakashi fell in love with her? But look at her hair..."_

_"I know, so short. At least she dresses nice, not like her friend. Running around in jeans and a tee-shirt. Honestly. Makoto's right though, she claims not to love him."_

_"She'll change her tune when he comes to rescue her, looking so handsome maybe in his Anbu uniform even...Ahhhh."_

_"It's sooo romantic..."_


	19. yakuza

I had every expectation of waking up in a dark torch lit dungeon where the sound of water dripping could be heard constantly despite lack of modern plumbing. You can only imagine my disappointment when I woke up on the floor of the pool room not only with a terrible ache in my neck because I'd been sleeping without the aide of a thermopedic pillow but also the entire tray of desserts had disappeared – which may have been a good thing. They seemed so tasty in my memory that I might have ventured to eat a few more drugged or not. My stomach agreed with me in very bad Japanese...so maybe I was just hungry.

I sat up and immediately swore as something sharp poked me in the chest. The room had been empty a moment ago what had – I glanced down and stared at the note pinned to my chest.

_Hatake Kakashi - We have Akiko Kusanagi leave 10million yen at the fortune statue tomorrow at midnight or else_.

I pulled out the pin that was holding it to my shirt before moving again and started a moment at the note before breaking into laughter. When I got home I was going to frame it! Those idiots! To think I was actually worried for a while there with the drugged strawberries and everything. I almost felt like laughing at myself for worrying at all!

"Hey Kanoi! Get a load of this! I think they forgot something!" I glanced around and spotted her lucky sandals by the pool side. So she hadn't run for a doctor, she was probably just washing her face or ordering new food or _calling_ the doctor for me. Hopefully the cops too.

"Hey Kanoi!" Wiping tears from the corner of my eyes I wandered into the main room – empty. Bedroom 1 – empty. Bedroom 2 – empty...

KNOCK KNOCK "Kanoi you in there?" Bathroom – empty.

My feet took me back to the pool room – the last place I had seen her and searched the shadow ridden corners. No Kanoi anywhere...but her new lucky sandals were still beside the steaming water.

"Ah shit."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIIHIH

One of the advantages of being a ninja was that you would never be surprised when burglarizing a house.

As they crossed the rooftops Obito extended his senses focusing in on the two stories of living space. "It's empty, we'll go through the front door like usual, nothing we haven't been seen doing before...and the last person to leave will have gone through that door."

"who the hell builds a house with only one door anyway?" Takeshi grumbled. "They should sue the contractor."

He led the descent to street level in a narrow alley and they calmly walked a block to her house. Kakashi had moved to the front and the door was opened in seconds – but the act failed there as the copy ninja froze on the threshold. Obito shot a quick look at Takeshi, and he responded in full Takeshi manner.

He thrust out both arms so hard Kakashi was propelled several steps into the room. "dude you're overreacting. It's not like-...woah."

Obito felt a migraine begin as the second member of his _elite_ team stopped on the threshold. He gave him an equally gentle push into the room and stepped inside himself, closing the door behind him.

"This must have been one hell of a bitch fight, i can see the high heel scrapes on the floor!" Takeshi whispered in awe.

Kakashi nodded in agreement as he toed the contents of the opened purse. "She left her keys. Who do you think it was?"

"Makoto." Obito answered stoically. They both turned to him to see him scrutinizing several indents on the door. "Unless she changed her nail coloring from two days ago."

The atmosphere lightened some. "Well she should be fine then, Makoto hasn't done anything that would hurt _Kakashi-sama_." Takeshi joked. "...except for that time when she tried to drug you."

Kakashi shrugged. "A little aphrodisiac wouldn't effect me too much."

Takeshi snickered. "Yeah, you're already a freaking pharmaceutical with all the stuff that's gotta be running through your veins. Probably the reason you never get sick is you've got excess antidote doing laps through your system."

Obito frowned slightly. "Wasn't she was using about 20cc that time..."

Kakashi nodded. "Yes."

Takeshi's eyebrows shot up. "That would have gotten her a good night's worth of action, or three."

Ignoring Takeshi, he nodded opening the door. "It's only sold in volumes of 100cc."

"Ah shit..."

"Akiko!"

"Quite. Kakashi? Pakkun would be helpful right now."

He turned and started forming seals as Takeshi came up to the door behind him. "Hey Obito...how would you know that anyway?"

"Doesn't matter."

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIIHIH

"_We brought her, just like the plan asked for Makoto-sempai!"_

"_Excellent, I happen to know that Clarisse passed along the 'story' to Kakashi, so we can expect them to follow the trail to Yutanaro. Maybe two hours minimum, in the meantime where have you put her?"_

"_She's just in here Makoto-sempai."_

"_wonderful, would you unlock it for me? Thank you...Sooo..."_

"_So nice to see you too Makoto-sempai-san how's your Kakashi-plotting going?"_

"_Kanoi-san, why don't you tell me where Akiko is?"_

"_Hmmmm...well unfortunately I don't know. You see we were separated because I WAS F-ING KIDNAPPED!"_

"_Oh...right."_

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIIHIH_  
_

Luck seemed to be with me, I had won just over 10million yen while betting against gambling lady. Not bad for a beginner, not bad at all. Too bad I had to give it all to Makoto and friends, but honestly...I was sort of hoping to resolve it all myself. If i told the police they'd call in ninja, if they called in ninja I just knew that Kakashi would find out and then he would tell Mom and I would be grounded for the next three years. Or maybe she'd just have ninjas follow my every move.

I could just imagine the three of them hanging upside down on the ceiling of my classroom. _Peek-a-boo we see you._ Gripping the handle of the suitcase tightly I made my way towards the fortune statue.

It was the middle of the night so even though it was a public place, there was no one out. The note had kinda indicated I was supposed to drop the money and leave. But honestly who leaves 10million yen just sitting around right? Some bum would take it and there you go – perfect plan ruined. So I plopped down onto the edge of the fountain to wait for Makoto to appear.

"Is that the money?"

I turned and stared at the person addressing me, eyebrows arching. It was...a guy... Well I suppose the Kakashi fan club took all types. After a swallow or two I managed to reply. "Yes, all 10 million of it."

"Good."

I frowned slightly at his tone and squinted to try and see him better, only to suddenly jerk as something stung me on my neck.

"Ha, you should have seen this coming. You only owe us 10million but you're worth a lot more to other people."

This was a new level of fear. Okay so I was a little scared yesterday when I'd been chased to the train station, and maybe kinda upset when they'd drugged our desserts and accidentally taken Kanoi. But it was one thing to deal with Makoto and her direct underlings...these guys... had paralyzed me and were tying my hands and feet. Makoto may have made a major mistake when she hired these thugs to do the exchange. Kakashi was going to be upset with this. And there was no way for old man sandaime to pin this one on me.

I glared at them as they hastily counted through the billfolds._"_Yep, it's all in here. I'm surprised you even have this much." the first one chuckled as he reached out to muss my hair. I thrashed weakly at his touch.

Feeling was rapidly leaving my limbs, making them feel cold and heavy. I cursed at the sensation and then mentally cursed a moment later as they gagged me to stop the noise. Why hadn't I screamed?

Shock – my mind told me. It was called shock. Not! It was called Drugs!

"Don't bother fighting it, even your chakra system is paralyzed." Wow. Even my chakra system. Honestly the legs and arms were a greater priority right now. Ha, chakra did they think I was a ninja or something?

"Genjutsu, pretty clever, you look completely different from yesterday. But I honestly expected more from a sannin, Tsunade-hime."

Well I guess that answered that question. My stomach plummeted as I recalled my well endowed gambling opponent. _Tsunade_-san the _ninja. _

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIIHIH

Makoto tapped freshly painted nail against her lower lip as she watched Akiko being slung over a shoulder and carried off. "Well this is unexpected. I didn't know the local gangs had anything on her." She turned to her right where Kanoi was peering around the corner as well. "Arn't you going to be the friend and run after them or something?"

"Did you see the swords on those dudes?"

"Katanas, yes... the local yakuza usually carry them."

"do you see one on me?"

"hmmm, point taken. Well I suppose this alters the plan a little bit. But it's all for the better."

"All for the better?! Akiko was actually just kidnapped! By Yakuza!"

"They just saved me the trouble of doing it myself. This way Kakashi won't be mad at me either."

"Are you crazy!"

"We've been over this. I'm in Love. Love. Okay?"

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIIHIH

_They were sitting on top of the train bound for Yutanaro after a brief talk to the station attendant who'd be kind enough to relate the disturbance earlier in the day._

"_So according to the records she and Kanoi got on with jackpot tickets which means they'll be checked in at the Hotel Yamamae."_

"_I hear that place has the most amazing hot spring."_

"_Aside from the fact that they were chased to the train station it looks like they were otherwise fine."_

"_A little exercise wouldn't do Akiko any harm. So why are we on the train again?"_

"_Makoto has a summer house in Yutanaro and she left the train after."_

"_You would think with all her free time she'd pick a hobby or something."_

"_You __**are**__ her hobby Kakashi."_

"_Don't remind me."_

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHHIHIHIIHIH_  
_

I wasn't disappointed this time. I woke up on the floor encumbered by plain but heavy manacles that were for some reason no attached to each other, but made my hands and feet tingle. They were very heavy and hurt my wrists and ankles and not too surprisingly impossible for me to get off.

However they made it possible to get dressed in the expensive expensive kimono that was presented to me when two gruff goons told me I was to be presentable for my meeting with 'the boss'. They had some old lady help me lucky - because I honestly couldn't lift my hands above my elbows, unlucky – because I felt too guilty about smacking someone's grandma over the head the metal weights. If only they'd sent...oh maybe Makoto-chan...

I swear kimono's are pretty but it must have been some chauvinistic sadist that came up with the design. I tottered down the the hall with baby steps in shoes i was betting they had just bought with my hard earned betting money. The guards probably walked behind me so i couldn't see their smiles as I inched forwards.

'the boss' was having a massage at the edge of an onsen. 'The boss' was very proud of capturing Tsunade-san. And The Boss liked to hear the sound of his own voice.

"...Unfortunately he didn't realize that his contact was actually one of my contacts – a rather efficient setup don't you think? This way I was able to monitor all of his transactions, not four months later and his business was so far in the red even the colorblind would be able to tell."

I was struggling really hard not to yawn because I just knew it would get me killed. So I locked my jaw together and concentrated on feeling sorry for the pretty girl who was having to touch his feet. He really needed to clip his toenails.

"But enough of that, we noticed something very interesting yesterday. That 10million of yours? Well it's counterfeit. Thankfully I've talked to one of the other groups in the town and they're more than willing to pay 12 million for you. Hows that, I would have made 22million if your money had been real, but this way I still profit even if it's only a little. It's thanks to fail-safes like this that I've become the man I am." _Oh please._

"It was nice meeting you Tsunade-chan, i didn't believe the rumors at first but you really have found a way to keep your youth. I wonder how your new master is going to make that 12 million off of you. Not through gambling certainly! Hahaha." _He just cracked himself up didn't he. Strange how none of his guards were laughing._

He was helped into a robe, and two chairs were run out onto the patio as more bad guys arrived. These ones also carried swords and had scars and scowls and apparently better intelligence. "Where's Tsunade?"


	20. ANBU

"So Makoto's house is on the west side huh, leave it to her to live as far from the train station as possible."

"Takeshi our warm ups are many times this distance."

"I know but still. I'm getting old and I don't like running across wet roofs when there's all these electric lights around."

"It's probably brighter at night, hard to imagine, cities really are like concrete jungles."

"Gah, at least the city hasn't totally been converted to ugly modernism. See those buildings off to our left are traditonal. They have an onsen too even."

"The architecture on that one is nice – hey wait a minute is that?"

"What in the world is Akiko doing at a Yakuza meeting?"

"Man she looks hot in a kimono all _Sophisticated_. Good choice Kakashi."

IoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIo

"You're not Tsunade!?"

"Uhhh...err...no?"

"I refuse to pay 12million for a shoddy fake. Our business is over." Boss #2 sneered.

"No it's not." Boss #1 stated calmly.

I inched back quietly as katanas were drawn all around by everyone. _With one notable exception in handcuffs._

"We agreed, 12 million for the woman who was carrying the suitcase that you bugged. Here she is. Now give me my money."

"We agreed 12 for Tsunade, who, at the time we talked was carrying the suitcase. Your people took so long it's no wonder it changed hands."

"You! Girl – who did you get that suitcase from?"

"I...ahhh..." clearly one of my more eloquent moments. I couldn't think of any good reason to turn over Tsunade-san though, she might just be bad at gambling, but at the same time I wanted to live...

Then again if I told them what they wanted to know I was expendable right?

But if I didn't answer them would they torture me or something...?

Maybe if I...

"She doesn't know anything, get rid of her."

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"Holy shit they just pushed her into the onsen!"

"_I can see that Takeshi_. Kakashi, you get Akiko-san out of the way and then neutralize the group hanging off to the right. Takeshi make your way around behind them and take care of the group in the room behind while we head straight in, and do it _quickly._"

"Aye aye Capt'n."

"Understood."

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I was surrounded by water. _No problem I know how to swim._ I kicked off my expensive shoes and gave two little baby kicks in the confines of the kimono. I still couldn't raise my arms. _Well hell._ Seconds later my feet hit rock bottom. I could still climb up the wall though...no reason to panic yet. _Just don't think about the yakuza at the top with the swords. _I took two steps towards the wall and the weights on my wrists tipped me over.

Time to panic.

_I'm too young to die!_ I clawed at the weights on my wrists but soon gave up and instead focused on the kimono. I managed to get the cord untied and frantically wriggled out of one layer before I ran out of breath.

My lungs were burning for air. It felt like a vacuum in my chest, I needed to inhale but all there was to breathe was water. _Water is not air_ I thought logically. _Good job Akiko, logic in the face of death._

My body overruled my brain. I inhaled. First reaction: onsen water really stings your nose. Second reaction: coughing up water while underwater doesn't work. Third...

my chest burned but at least I was warm..._where was Kakashi when you needed him..._

Something wrapped under and around me and then water was swirling past and cold air hit my face. And then someone was trying to break my ribs. I hacked up water, my stomach clenching violently as I was held to a purple vest. _Ahhh there you are._

He set me down on my side in the grass at the edge of the patio and leaped off to help Obito make absolute fools of the Yakuza. It wasn't really a fight. Someone would run toward them and they would just hit them, or knock them to the side, and they would be out of the fight. Obito didn't even draw his sword. He just dodged blades and his right fist would land on their head, or suddenly be thrust into their stomach or side, or in one particularly mean case a throat. _Ouch. _And then they'd move to the next one. I couldn't tell where Takeshi was until someone flew through the shoji of the house and almost hit Kakashi. I didn't see him, but the sarcastic apology that followed it sounded a lot like Takeshi.

It didn't take long. They were all of a sudden glancing around but there was no one left standing, just a freshly fallen layer of downed yakuza.

Kakashi came over and took off the manacles before he picked me up again, you'd think i'd weigh something being all waterlogged but nooo. No effort, just straight up so my waist was the right height to clamp around with one arm and that was that. At least this way all the water would drip right onto the ground.

I rested my head against his vest thing, just letting my arms and legs hand and feeling the no-longer warm water drip onto the tatami as he walked inside to a phone and used it to call the ANBU headquarters.

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"_Where are you."_

"_Yutanaro. The Homuru compound. About 40 in custody, kidnapping, money laundering, counterfeit cash of about 10million in possession at least."_

"_That doesn't excuse you from leaving Konoha without notice. What do you need?"_

"_Two teams for cleanup a specialist for investigation and a medic."_

"_They'll be there within the hour. The three of you are to return immediately after they arrive. Am I understood?"_

"_Understood."_

_CLICK._

IoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIo_  
_

"Wow, the sembe is really good. Obito try one of these-they're wild!"

"That's not a word I ever want hear in relation to sembe." Crunch Crunch Crunch. "Although it's oddly accurate."

I blinked at the sudden presence of light. _When did I fall asleep?_

"The mochi is fairly good too."

_Mochi? Where?_

"I never would have expected those idiots to have such good taste. Obito you want a bottle of sake? Plum flavored-I found it in the basement. Brought it up just for you."

"You shouldn't have."

I was sitting at a table. _No. _Kakashi was sitting at a table and I was sitting in his lap with my feet stretched out across several pillows. Obito was adjacent to us by my feet, warming his hands with a cup of ocha if the small kettle next to him meant anything, and Takeshi was across, with a rainbow of snack foods spread out before him from which he was taste testing.

Kakashi was drinking ocha too. I saw his right arm come back into view, cup half empty and settle onto the table. Where was his left arm? I glanced left and followed the line of his black gloved and armored appendage down and around my middle. _So that's why I'm not falling over. _

"hey Akiko-chan's awake! Earth to Akiko-chan! I'm over here!"

It took a little bit of thought and effort but I shifted my gaze to Takeshi, focusing first on his neon green bangs and then locating his face just beneath them. He smiled and waved. "Hi! Hi there!"

I scowled immediately.

"You're reaction issss correct! Yep she's the same old Akiko."

Obito rolled his eyes. And then turned his gaze towards me. "Care to fill us in on how you ended up here?"

My 'yes' came out raspy, and then Kakashi's cup of green tea was pressed against my mouth. I swallowed greedily, coughed, and drank the next cup that was offered to me.

"Sharing cups, like an indirect kiss – work it Kakashi!"

A sharp shattering sound and the next cup that lifted into view was a different style.

"Hahaha you missed!"

"Chill, Takeshi."

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I explained as best I could -between being fed snacks and ocha- about everything that had happened since the tussle with Makoto in my house, and then tried vainly to accommodate Kakashi's need to force food on me and my own inability to eat equal to or less than the mass of my stomach. I was batting away the hand trying to bring another piece of melon close when they all suddenly stilled and then slipped their masks back on. Obito strode over to the shouji behind Takeshi and flung them open, just outside were 12 more carbon copy ANBU ninja.

"44 in custody, two gangs to take back for questioning. We're not sure the extent of their illegal activities so check for everything – drugs, prostitution the works. Who's the medic?"

One of the clones stepped forwards.

"We need you to check the girl inside, that is all." Wow, Obito could sound really commanding when he wanted to.

I watched passively as the new ANBU came over, and with a exchange of nods checked my pulse, breathing and finally held a glowing hand to my chest.

They finished and turned to address Kakashi. "I've dispelled the rest of the water in her lungs but she's suffering from exhaustion from trying to breath around it for so long. Also she needs some solid foods in her, rice, vegetables, meat not just crackers and fruit."

Another piece of sembe disappeared under Takeshi's jackal mask. "This is why he doesn't have a pet."

Silence as the medic stared at Takeshi. He insolently stared back as another piece of sembe was lifted under his mask to be eaten loudly. "...What she needs most now however is rest. Is anyone else in need of medical attention?"

"No, that is all."

"By your leave then."

They stood and jumped out through the open shouji before disappearing out of sight.

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I'd never before been into the ANBU offices. Granted before this I'd never had a reason too either, but still it was quite a shock to say the least. The plan had originally been for everyone to go home, shower, eat something and then regroup at the ANBU office but a rat impersonator had met us at the walls and told us that

"_Ibiki-san wants to see you immediately."_

"_Understood."_

It was only after they'd agreed to go direct that there was some hesitation and Obito delicately asked me I had met Ibiki-san before.

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"Ibiki-who?"

"Ibiki-_san." _Kakashi told me, as I clung to his shoulder while they leapt roof to roof, "best not to forget the 'san', is the head interrogator of the ANBU."

"So he's good at asking questions?"

"He's good at getting answers." Kakashi replied bluntly.

"He's one of those people who have a knack for making other people _really _uncomfortable." Takeshi added.

"And, he enjoys his work." Obito commented dryly.

"So..he's a sadist or something?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Yes."

_Oh boy._

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_

Despite the obvious wariness of Ibiki-_san, _or perhaps because of it the 'interrogation' went much differently than I expected. For starters the interrogation room had a couch. And a coffee table, and stacks of paper everywhere that were held down with little stacks of ninja stars, knives, needles and in one case a full cup of coffee. Ibiki-san didn't wear a mask, or an ANBU uniform or a Jounin uniform. He did wear a trench coat. _Cool, he can't be that bad if he doesn't conform to ninja fashion._

Then again ninja fashion didn't look just a little bit hot on Kakashi. Takeshi hopped up onto the arm of the couch while Obito and Kakashi sat, lounging back against the cushions. I not surprisingly ended up on Kakashi's lap. It had been kind of strange the way he hadn't put me down this entire time. But then again my shoes were at the bottom of the onsen and I could walk a maximum of .5 miles per hour in traditional clothing. And his lap was comfy. Not to say that the couch wasn't comfortable, actually the way they were all bonelessly melting into it indicated it probably was, but I didn't have any complaints. I played up my injured civilian card so I could lean back against his arm and lay my head on his chest.

He stroked my back. "Sleep if you need to." _Score! Actress Level Performance!_

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_

"Start from the beginning..."

"11:15 this morning Hatake Kakashi, Yeshua Takeshi and I were returning from the training area 8 where we had been engaged in taijutsu exercises for the last two hours. It was during this time that Kakashi's neighbor, known to us as Clarise..."

"...anyway Kakashi's pooch p-kun or whatever, led us right to the train station which was pretty surprising. Fast transportation is the last place you'd try and corner someone. Anyway, we chatted a bit to the station master, kind of a cool fellow – bartender at Deadly Night Hours during the evenings to make a few extra bucks. Told us he'd give us a free one if we dropped in sometime – well he said that two girls – _presumably _Akiko-chan and Kanoi-san had actually won the jackpot "_One in a million chance for a one in a million lifetime opportunity!" _ What are the odds right? Anyway, they'd kinda fled onto the train and he'd blocked Makoto from getting on the train. Apparently he'd lost a girlfriend to Kakashi's fan club, who's now the assistant secretary or something – although he didn't hold any hard feelings against Kakashi. Which is totally cool it's not like Kakashi promotes the thing or whatever – Ha! He even felt sorry for him..."

"...the yakuza were clearly marked with two different distinct gang crests so it wasn't difficult to tell that something was going down. A quick check around confirmed that the Kazuya group was in possession of a large amount of money – to be traded presumably although at the time we couldn't quite tell what. So we neutralized the aggressive members which was...hmm...all of them, 44 to be exact although if we're judging by sheer body mass at least 4 could be counted as 2 people, and then after making sure everyone was in good condition we did a light sweep of the house, and storage areas before locking down the entire place and calling for reinforcements. The wait was relatively uneventful, we rested and replenished our energy."

IoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIoIo

Ibiki was leaning back in his swivel chair _how does that spindly piece of metal hold him up?_ While he listened and started at the wall. "Well your actions were all thorough and efficient except for the fact that everything you were doing was completely out of line."

_Ouch._

"For an ANBU team to get this sidetracked is a serious threat to our village's security, and although the entire sequence was ultimately _productive_ it can't be overlooked that the 'the end doesn't justify the means' particularly when the three of you were completely in the dark about the conclusion right up to when it ended in your favor."

Kakashi sighed under my head. Obito nodded in affirmation and Takeshi was using his hands to mime chattering while he rocked his head back and forth which abruptly stopped when Ibiki-san turned our way.

"It is a present concern that you will begin to rely on luck like this in the field so you will all be reprimanded. Due to your poor judgment - an hour later you would have been labeled as missing nin, so it's fitting that you all spend the night in the basement where we you would be staying if you had not suddenly lucked out."

"And Akiko-san?" Obito asked calmly.

Ibiki looked directly at me where I was no longer pretending to sleep against Kakashi's chest. "She seems to be the root of the problem. You would all have acted correctly if it had been any other person, so she'll get a heavier punishment."

I scowled at him, his expression didn't change but it was so unfriendly it might as well have been a scowl from the beginning.

"Ibiki-san, she's not a ninja though – we can't really hold her accountable..."

"Civilians can't be blamed for being kidnapped, think of the repercussions-"

"But she's not listed as a civilian anymore-" Ibiki stated flatly.

"Ibiki-san-"

"That's against-"

"Dismissed." _The automatic "I win, you loose" button of all superiors._

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_

Oddly enough it was that last comment that caused the most reaction from the three of them. So I was no longer listed as a civilian, what did that make me? Not a ninja, maybe a grey-area person. Or a troublemaker – watch out she'll pick fights! Or a what...?

They all rose as more ANBU filed in, to escort them to their 'prisons' for the night. It was all very formal, stiff bows and "Hai! Ibiki-san"'s until we got out of the room and then someone clapped Takeshi on the back and they chuckled as they related the story in quiet voices. I was given reassuring nods by the three of them when a female ANBU came and led me away. She walked with perfect confidence around corners and down hallways that looked exactly alike. _Perhaps they'd only found one style they'd liked in the interior decorating books. _Or maybe not.

She opened a door and we started going down stairs, and more stair, and more stairs and then I started expecting to see fossils on the walls whenever we turned a corner. No fossils, only another door and a long line of doors. No numbers or anything. She opened one door for me and I grudgingly entered the small cell.

Yes. Cell. Concrete floor, concrete walls, a concrete block with padding a pillow, sheets and a blanket that I guess made a bed and a metal door with no window.

"Am I going to be able to see anything once you close that?"

"No."

"Ah just checking."

I plopped down on the padding. Might as well get comfy right? "How long am I going to be in here again?"

"Until Ibiki-san decides to release you." _Wonderful, watch them discover my rotting corpse years later – "oh yeah, forgot about her with all the murderers and enemy nin to interrogate..." _

"Right. Thank you." _You are dismissed. Now piss off._

We both stared at each other for a second.

"You need to give me your clothes."

"WHAT?"


	21. Prisons and Packages

"_Evidence. _We need it for Evidence." she told me bluntly.

"Will you at least turn away?" She shrugged and the mask turned towards the wall while I shucked off the nice clothing. What I was counting on to be the only compensation for the whole fiasco. I'd actually planned to keep the nice kimono too until it was drowning me.

Snatching the white sheet from off the bed I draped it around my shoulders and wrapped it around myself. Then I shoved a fistful of jumbled cloth at the ANBU. "Here, take it."

She took the wad of cloth and shook it out, folding it as she screened me with her eyes. "Tabi too."

"My feet will be cold."

"Tough." _Bitch._

"Tell Ibiki that if he forgets about me I'm going to haunt him. I've even got the sheet I will totally do it."

She convulsed slightly – a laugh? Say it isn't so! And told me she'd pass along my message. Because it would really make Ibiki shiver in his boots.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

It was cold and dark. And dark and cold. I was cocooned in the sheets and blanket and trying very hard to think of boring things so I could fall alseep and no be bored anymore. Occassionally I strained my ears to see if I could hear people sharpening swords or getting tortured. That's what they did in ANBU wasn't it?

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

I was so busy concentrating that I was slow to react when the door opened and then abruptly shut again. Food maybe?

I rolled to a sitting position and squeaked as I was suddenly forced flat again. Someone had a fist of the blankets at my chest, and was sitting on top of me.

There was a pause. _Don't kill me. Don't Kill me. Don't be Ibiki actually taking offense at my message._

"Akiko?" something that sounded suspiciously like Kakashi's voice floated out of the darkness as the weight on me abruptly lifted. "What are you doing in here?"

"ahhh...is this a trick question?"

He laughed lightly. "No. When Ibiki-san mentioned you'd get a harsher punishment, we thought you'd be doing paperwork." He sat down next to me on the padding and tugged lightly at the blankets, which I promptly jerked out of his grip.

"Not. Sharing." I snarled at him, wrapping the layers around myself. At least we were in the dark, because if the blanket didn't cover me the sheet was pretty darn thin.

"It is cold down here isn't it." He shifted a little closer and I felt his arm start to curl around my shoulder.

"That's Okay!" I squirmed farther away, and his hand froze and then abruptly retreated.

Silence...

I heard the scrape of fabric on fabric as he got up. "You need rest." he stated emotionlessly.

How come I was feeling guilty for preventing him from clearly a social taboo in all levels of society? _Because he doesn't know about the lack of clothes. _But I wasn't going to tell him that if I could help it. I frowned and wormed onto my side, to try and shiver my way into sleep again. What can I say my body is just not good at producing it's own heat. It couldn't have been that much longer, that Kakashi sighed in the darkness and I felt another tug at the blanket.

"No! Stop!"

"Akiko, you're shivering. The blankets aren't sufficient, my body heat can keep you warm enough so that you won't get sick."

"Thanks but that's really okay – I'm fine, it's just taking me a while to warm up."

He sighed again, I felt the padding sink as he sat down. "I know how uncomfortable for you this must be but-"

I felt the blankets shift slightly and then suddenly they were gone and Kakashi's hand's settled on my bare waist an instant later.

"Believe me Kakashi, you have _no idea_ how uncomfortable for me this is."

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"Where are your clothes?" Was it me or was his voice a little higher than normal there? I shivered in the sudden exposure to cold air and his hands – which were warm! - flexed slightly, which made me shiver again.

"Probably a shelf in Evidence room 6 or something like that."

There was a pause and then suddenly he relaxed again. "Harsher punishment." He concluded.

I shivered in the cold air and tried to locate the blanket without moving anything below my shoulders. "I fail to see how this is harsh for you."

"Your probably colder than I thought." His fingers flexed again. At least one part of me was warm, two large handprint shaped areas on my waist.

_Like I can't feel my toes cold. _"Probably...so why don't you pass me the blanket and we'll both survive the night huh?"

"Hmmm..."

_What kind of answer was that? _"Hey...your hands-do you mind?"

They moved off me, a faint rustling and something warm dropped over my head. _The blankets? _And then Kakashi pulled it down so my head popped through. _A shirt! Mystery solved! I _stuffed my hands through the sleeves and pulled it down as far as it would go-reveling in the lingering warmth. "You sure you don't need it?"

"Not when I have _you_."

_Because that makes a lot of sense._ "What do you mean?"

He didn't answer, instead he lifted me into the air and proceeded to get comfortable before setting me down on top of him. A moment after that the blanket was pulled over my head.

"Wait! Wait! I need air!"

I tried moving off to the side but my leg just slid into air, Kakashi lying on the pallet took up the entirety of the small ledge. I grumbled and started to crawl towards his head. There was a bit of awkwardness when my hand landed on his bare skin.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

"Where's your shirt?"

"On you."

"Oh right."

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Then I was peeking out from under the edge of the covers inhaling fresh and startlingly cold air.

"You're making a draft." He stated grumpily.

His arm curled up and squashed me flat before tugging the blanket down around us again. "Bedtime!"

_Reasons I hate Ninjas #35: mood swings in a ninja intense confusion_

I opened my mouth but snapped it shut again when I realized I was warm, had some clothing and with a sigh he suddenly relaxed and began breathing deeply. Of course he wasn't asleep – no one falls asleep that quickly. My hands were balled to keep from having to touch his chest, but I uncurled one finger to give his chest a few light taps. No response. _If he's actually asleep I don't want to wake him. _But it was slightly possible what with all the traveling to yutanaro and back, fighting yakuza and pulling weighted girls out of onsen – he might be a little tired...

I'd just get back at him later. _When he's awake._ I settled my head onto the upper part of his chest and tried to sleep.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

_I dreamed I'd been thrown in the onsen again, only it was a lot bigger this time like an ocean and I knew there would be no way I could get out once I'd gone under. I knew I wasn't the only one in the onsen either. Jaws was in the onsen-ocean. Luckily though, there was a piece of driftwood. If I could just stay on top of the driftwood I would be fine. Jaws wouldn't see me and I wouldn't fall to the bottom where I would drown (perhaps while Jaws laughed at me). I bobbed slowly on my driftwood, feeling the steam from the onsen as I tried not to move and yet watch the shadow circling the water around me at the same time..._

_When the driftwood suddenly started to tilt in preparation to sink – much like the Titanic – I steadied my panicking heart and clamped down digging my nails-_

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_

My back hit Kakashi's bent knee as I slid down his chest. It was still pitch black, but Kakashi was breathing harshly. "Did you have a nightmare or something?" I asked him worriedly.

"_No_. I didn't have a nightmare."

"Then what?"

Sigh. "Nothing, just go back to sleep."

"Are you sure?"

Pause. "Well..." He rolled over, and I found myself abruptly pinned between him and the padding. "Okay now go to sleep."

At least I had some pillow this way... I felt his head settle next to mine. The pillow was small so his nose was brushing my ear, but when I tried to shift away I found I couldn't move. In fact...

"Kakashi I can't move at all."

"_Good."_

_Well thanks for helping me out. Jerk._

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_

_I dreamed that an ANBU had intercepted us after we'd arrived in Konoha and told us to go right to see Ibiki. Kakashi was still holding me, and I clung to his warmth and his smell. He could make a lot of money if he could reproduce it in a laundry detergent..._

_Ibiki was sitting in a chair behind a desk covered in stacks of papers held down by ninja stars, knives and the closest pile to him was actually held down by a steaming cup of coffee..._

_We all sat down on the couch in front of the desk though, although Takeshi's perch on the arm may not be 'sitting' per se. Obito sat with a straight back at one end, with Takeshi perching next to him. Kakash leaned back into the opposite corner and I lay languidly on top of him since I was tired with the stress of traveling and almost dying._

_Ibiki scolded Kakashi, and Takeshi and Obito most of all because he was supposed to keep the other two in line. Because they'd acted well, despite their misjudgment he was going to let them go with just that. We all stood, well the guys all stood and I just kind of increased my altitude by holding onto Kakashi._

"_Any last words before I let you go?" He concluded._

"_No, Ibiki-san." Obito replied._

"_My sheets were clearly from last season's catalog." Takeshi told him._

"_An escalator instead of stairs would increase efficiency." That was Kakashi._

_The smirking trench-coated head of interrogation turned to me. "Any comments from you Akiko-chan?"_

"_Yeah, learn to jack off the normal way you sadistic prick."_

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_

I woke with a start, bracing myself with an arm as I blinked at the messy expanse of my bedroom. _Woah what happened?_ I rolled off my bed, stepping delicately between the piles of books to get to the door.

"Mom? Dad?"

I glanced briefly into the bathroom before padding down the stairs, the kitchen was empty although there was light shining through the back window. I circled through the living room just for the hell of it and stared at the packed suitcase, and the contents of my purse strewed across the foyer. I knelt to scoop the contents back into it and noticed that my pajamas had been a long sleeved pair of the black ANBU standard uniform. _How did that happen?_

I froze as there was a knock on the door, and then in a daze stood to answer it. Kanoi smiled as soon as she saw my face, then her eyes slid down, as had Obito's, Kakashi's, and Takeshi's.

"Nice shirt Akiko." Takeshi commented jovially.

_What was so special about my shirt?_ I scowled in incomprehension as Kanoi shoved me into the house. "Akiko! Put some pants on!"

_Oh._

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_

I came back down an undetermined amount of time later, still trying to work out what had happened. Everyone was in the kitchen although Kakashi and Obito were seated while Takeshi was trying to fight Kanoi for the right to chop vegetables citing his ninja credentials as leverage.

I headed towards the fridge and orange juice – safe neutral ground. Halfway there Obito lifted a box onto the table. "This is for you."

It was plain, wrapped in brown paper, and tied with twine. "Oh. Uh. Thanks Obito."

"It's not from me." I watched curiously as he glanced at me, rolled his eyes and started to rub his temples. Kakashi was smiling, but it was a lopsided can't-be-helped kind of smile.

"It's from Ibiki."

"He was laughing so hard the admin tried to arrange _another_ CAT scan for him." Takeshi called from by the sink.

"Why was he laughing?"

Kakashi beckoned me over. Instead of telling me though, he pulled me onto his lap and gave me a hug. "Because you're _so_ funny Akiko-chan!"

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

Breakfast was a salad, thanks to Takeshi with rice and grilled eel thanks to Kanoi. We all stared at it for a moment before shrugging and beginning to eat. Food is food.

And eating is eating. Unless you count the fact that I never actually saw Kakashi put anything into his mouth. Or even saw his mouth at all – his food was just _gone. _Obito ate like he was at a five star restaurant, his elbows never touched the table, his chopsticks never lost a piece of food and I swear he swirled and smelled the juice before he drank it. And Takeshi... Takeshi didn't really have food. Instead he split the portions perfectly between the four of us and proceeded to steal in order to survive. I was sitting next to Kakashi, who seemed to have a protective effect on my food if not on his own (chopstick battles!) but Kanoi and Obito fought for every moment off guard.

By the end of the meal I was pleasently full. Obito expressed that he was pleasently full but kept glancing grumpily at his rice bowl (half of which had been pilfered). Kanoi was furious but had eaten the majority of her meal, and Takeshi was groaning about having eaten too much and was trying to bend himself in two across the back of the chair while the remenants of Kanoi's juice dripped from his hair to the floor. Kakashi was smiling and also appeared to be well fed but both of his chopsticks had been broken while defending a tomato.

Overall it seemed a successful affair.

Then we all settled down to stare at the package Ibiki had sent via Obito to me.

"Do you think it's a bomb?"


	22. confessions

"_Do you think it's a bomb?"_

Kakashi, Obito and Takeshi all looked particularly thoughtful as we sat around the coffee table where the box was innocently waiting to be opened.

"Unlikey something that direct, doesn't fit his profile." Obito commented at length.

"Well maybe not the shinobi type but a smoke bomb, or a paint bomb would be within reason." Takeshi pointed out.

"Possible but unlikely." Kakashi countered.

I was not liking the way the conversation was going. "Perhaps we should open it somewhere else? Like outside?"

Kakashi: "More room to maneuver"

Obito: "Less collateral damage"

Takeshi: "Possible chance to make some roadkill."

Kanoi: "I think I'm going to be _sick_..."

Me: "..."

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

We ran into Maito Gai on the way to training area 1.5. At least that was what Takeshi had called it and neither Kakashi or Obito had bothered to correct him.

Reason #28 Why I hate Ninjas: Completely incomprehensible inside jokes.

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The 'training area' was not an obstacle course, it was not a dojo, it wasn't five hundred feet underground through a secret door hidden amongst many other similar looking secret doors. It was a clearing. In fact it wasn't a particularly pretty clearing either considering that the grass in the middle had been worn away by feet and the trees all around the area were scarred and slashed and there were no sounds in the area because even the birds had learned to stay away from the place. But at least it was sunny.

We sat on the other side of a small rise about 50 feet away so that the box looked like a small barely distinguishable lump on the patch of dirt and Kakashi and Gai-

"will cut through the topmost loop of string in the knot with the next kunai-after it is deflected by the rock to the right."

Whizzz...

Kanoi and I scrutinized the box, and although it appeared that nothing had happened Obito and Takeshi nodded in aproval and Kakashi shrugged slightly against my back. Kanoi and Obito were both sitting against trees, Takeshi was lying with his head propped on a hand, Gai was currently convulsing in victory on his back, and I was sitting against Kakshi who was sitting against a tree.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

"_Why am I sitting against you again?"_

"_Because you're lucky."_

"_How am I lucky?"_

"_Well Ibiki didn't kill you this morning, so you must be."_

"_Takeshi! ...that's actually a valid point...are you ill?"_

"_You're__**so**__ mean Obito!"_

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO _  
_

My job in the whole affair was to pass Kakashi his next Kunai from the pouch on his leg (regular jounin uniform today) for his next throw.

"this will be deflected off your kunai stuck in the ground three feet from the target, slip under the strings and undo the knot."

Whizzzz...

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

It was late afternoon.

Kanoi had left, Takeshi had fallen asleep, Obito was reading a scroll and Gai had been scrutinizing the package for the last ten minutes to see if there was any possible speck left of paper that he could cut away, but it wasn't happening. The wrapping had been meticulously sliced into rough squarish pieces of confetti which now littered the training ground like a misplaced party. In the middle of it all on a perfectly trimmed square of paper was a small wooden box.

Sighing dramatically Gai re-sheathed his kunai. "I surrender, there is no longer any wrapping to remove, or string to cut, you have metaphorically tied my hands Kakashi! By removing the last of the rope all together. The shame! But now we are even! Do not let this victory go to your head for it shall be your downfall! Nor shall I let this defeat go to my heart for from the ashes the pheonix will always rise and -..."

With a little prodding I was coaxed to leave my warm and comfortable position leaning against Kakashi while everyone slowly began to get to their feet and stretch.

"It's just about dinner time already isn't it, how does Hobachi sound Obito?" Takeshi yawned.

Kakashi nodded in agreement. "It's Sunday, there's the gyoza half price special tonight."

"I love gyoza! Pretty please Obito-we've been gone the last three Sundays on missions. You know what they say about all work and no play?"

"Higher skill rankings and less frequent injury?"

"No! Well...yes, in theory anyway, but more importantly the number of psychoanalyst sessions rise. You wouldn't want to turn out like Ibiki-san would you?"

"Ibiki-san is a highly esteemed member of the ANBU. But gyoza will have to wait as you will most likely need the remaining time to prepare for the mission."

Kakashi and Takeshi traded puzzled looks.

"I don't remember any mission."

Obito merely dusted his pants and started towards the village. "Save any reasons you have to explain your forgetfulness, or your failure to make the briefings, but we are still scheduled to leave in half an hour so I'll re-brief you on the way." He sounded completely unconcerned that this couldn't have been a rare occurance. "Have a good evening Akiko-san, Kanoi-san." then as an afterthought he turned and glanced at Kakashi. "If you're late you will have to sprint to catch up with us."

He crouched down and then shot up through the layers of foliage until there were just the five of us.

"Hey Gai!" Takeshi's smiled at me before turning to the energetic green jounin. "So Gai, tired out yet? I bet Kakashi could still beat you in a race to the village from here."

The teeth twinkled, the eyes burned. "Nonsense! Despite today's activitiy I will not lose!"

Takeshi smiled, "well then! Kakashi! Gai! On your mark! Set! Go!"

For a second I stared, fully sure that even Gai wouldn't fall for something so transparent. But as Konoha's beautiful green beast passed me I was sublty flashed a smile and a thumbs-up before Maito Gai sped off into the sunset. It was so well orchestrated I forced myself to think for a moment to make sure that the village was actually not due west of us. This didn't seem to have been lost on Kakashi as he turned to Takeshi with a sigh.

"What are you trying to -"

"Gotta go pack my teddy bear Kakashi, see you later!"

Well if that wasn't brutally subtle. I rolled my eyes at the ground and sighed. "So the village is this way right?"

Reasons I hate ninja's # 29: Ninja masks make it hard to determine reactions.

He looked at me and nodded, so we started walking in the general direction of Konoha.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

"So do you know how long you're going to be gone?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Probably not that soon…but not a long time either"

_So that would mean…a week? A month? Could you be more vague? Oh yeah…_"You missed the briefing didn't you."

He shrugged again, this time with a grin. "Obito always reviews the mission information en route anyway, I'm just managing my time wisely."

"Are you managing enough time to pack your teddy bear too?"

He threw me an unreadable look. "The only one that has ever been in my bed is me Akiko."

I mulled that over for a minute. I must have been getting a workout from the hike back, my heartrate had sped up so much. My breathing too _– I'm so out of shape_… "So you've never slept with any..-thing?"

He laughed lightly now. "No stuffed animals, no safety blankets…although one time there was this girl…"

_A girl…naturally._ The village was just visible over the next rise of the trail. I sped up my pace.

"It wasn't that long ago really…"

I really did not want to hear this. But as I quickened my pace further I exceeded the maximum speed for my flip flops. Kakashi intervened as I tried to headbutt a particularly sharp looking rock, scooping me out of the air into his arms without even breaking stride.

"I tucked her into my bed and then tended her for hours…"

_Tended…so that's what you call it. _"Kakashi put me down now."

He didn't put me down. "Are you sure you're not tired? You look a little flushed."

"It's only a little more exercise than I'm used to, I'm fine just put me down." _And stop talking._

"Can you tell me why."

"Because if you don't put me down I'll be upset." _More upset._

He laughed, and I tried to squirm to the ground which only resulted in him holding me tighter to his chest. "No no no, why I did that for her."

_Did he just ask me that?_

_No...couldn't have._

"Well?" Kakashi prompted.

_I can't believe him! _ I tried to pry his hands off to no avail. Even the move they teach in self-defense of 'pulling their pinky and the hand would follow' move because I couldn't even uncurl his smallest finger…

"Well since you can't guess…I'll tell you."

_Damnit no! _I glared at my kneecaps, crossed my arms and pretended I wasn't listening.

"It was a normal day and I was just walking down the street when I saw her."

_I can't hear you. And I'm not going to cry._

"There was a crowd surrounding her but they were only civilians and I easily pushed my way through to her side."

_Shut up shut up shut up._

"And then I picked her up, the same way I'm carrying you now."

_I hope Makoto hounds you forever._

"Apparently…she had walked headfirst into a pole."

_Oh... yeah. __I take it back! Makoto stay away! _ "Oh." My voice came out a lot smaller than I expected.

"Akiko, your eyes are wet."

"They're tearing, maybe I'm a little tired." I conceded. All my angry energy suddenly evaporated like a popped balloon.

"Should I not put you down then?"

"Maybe not just yet."

"Just tell me when."

"Okay."

_Sometimes you're a real jerk Kakashi, but I forgive you. Next time it's going to cost you chocolates. That's right 'chocolates' plural._

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO _  
_

Kakashi's 'fun' really tired me out so I relaxed and let him carry me as I listened to the rhythm of his walk and secretly enjoyed his Kakashi-smell. After a while my eye-lids got heavy and it was while they were closed that the soft padding of his feet were overwhelmed by harsh electronic shrieks. My eyes shot open and stared around my bedroom, disoriented. Oddly enough I could still smell him and didn't realize why until I looked down and saw I was wearing his ANBU shirt again. I had been tucked into bed wearing yesterday's clothes minus my flip-flops.

And I had only enough time to shower or eat but not both.

Damn.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

"_Kakashi you're 7 hours late. This is uncharacteristically tardy, even for you."_

"_Well you see…"_

"_Kakashi had to tuck Akiko in before he left. Proper goodbye and all that."_

"…_yes, actually."_

"…"

"_I'm surprised you can still run after 7 hours of rigorous activity Kakashi."_

"_I just tucked her in Takeshi. I didn't do anything."_

"_Well, those sure as hell aren't my fingernail marks on your shoulders."_

"_That wasn't-! "_

"_Takeshi, shut up. Kakashi, calm down. I'll deal with you later."_

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO _  
_

Classes had finished early. I raced back to the clearing and grabbed my present from Ibiki which was still sitting in the middle of the dusty clearing. Without any ninjas around I was feeling kind of risky. I lifted the top of the box, a mile outside of konoha, all alone, and found…a teacup.

Porcelain, with a lid to keep the tea warm and with a deep green glaze that turned into a dark brown at the base and the lip. It was rather pretty, and quite functional, and I like tea. I don't think I'd risk my life to drink from it.

I pulled out the wrapping to repack it and found a small box of warabi beneath… _Everyone dies someday. _I glanced left and right and then ate the whole box of sweets. One must not let their life be ruled by fear.

I packed the teacup back into it's box, popped it into my backpack and headed for the bookstore.

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

"_Package secured."_

"_Confirmed. Kakashi head for Point 3. Takeshi, lay them a false trail east, regroup at base in exactly one hour."_

"_On my way."_

"_Would you like fries with that?"_

"_Takeshi, just go."_

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO _  
_

"Akiko! Hey, you look tired are you okay?"

"Have you got anything to eat? I missed breakfast."

"I made some extra teriyaki, here, help yourself."

"Thanks so much."

"So what happened exactly? I saw you dragged away by yakuza and then I got word that you were back in Konoha and when I saw you yesterday I didn't get the chance to ask…"

IOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIO

"…and yeah it turned out to be just a teacup."

"I can't believe you just went and opened it."

"Yeah, I don't completely get it either. But that's what it is."

"And they're off on another mission pretty quickly, huh. They sure keep ninjas busy."

"I guess there are a lot of people who need saving right now or something."

"I thought Kakashi was in ANBU."

"Well…assassinating people who are trying to destroy the world is the same thing as saving it."

"Oh yeah, huh…Akiko…"

"Yeah?"

"I have a confession to make."

"…yeah?"

"When…when I said I got word you were back in Konoha….well…what happened was ANBU swarmed Makoto's house and took the majority of them into custody and me too since I was there…that's how I got back to Konoha so fast. But anyway I was taken to the ANBU headquarters and uh…had a talk with Ibiki."

"You talked to Ibiki? About what?"

"You… Akiko, I kinda told him you liked tea."

"What else did you tell him?"

"Not that much, habits, likes, dislikes, pretty much whatever he asked…"

"Kanoi! How could you do that!?"

"He's not the kind of guy you don't answer Akiko!"

"Damnit but you don't just tell people things about me!"

"Hey, I was tied to a metal chair under a spotlight, you were safely ensconced on Kakashi's lap. Big Difference."

"…did you tell him my favorite food?"

"Yeah, Warabi. Why? Oh god Akiko, tell me the teacup was the only thing in that package…"

"Well…you gotta live in the moment right?"

"And you ate it!?"

"Kanoi, it was _warabi_! What was I supposed to do? Put it in a china cabinet next to the teacup?"

"Don't move, I'm calling the hospital."


	23. Doctors

"There is nothing wrong with me."

The doctor didn't dignify me with a response, simply continued his much too intrusive checkup with a grim expression that hinted at some deep problem he couldn't Identify.

On the other hand the two attending medics (ninja-nurses!) both gave me looks of such utter superiority it more than made up for it.

"You ate something that passed through the hands of Konoha's lead Torturer and Interrogator?" One of them asked for the fifth time.

I flinched as the ninja doctor used that weird green energy on me again. "Yes."

The nurse nodded solemnly, "Doctor may I suggest a CAT scan?"

"You, get out right now." Kanoi, who had graciously accompanied me as I was warped by ninjas to the emergency ninja-treatment area, was so close to breaking I was afraid she'd trip and shatter into a million pieces.

But until that happened she was still Kanoi. The two nurses glanced at the doctor to see his opinion and she got up in their face, I could see the daggers coming out of her eyes from where I was sitting on what could either be a bed, or a restraining table. "What part of 'get out' do you not understand?"

She glared them out and then deflated into her chair and began tapping her foot rapidly. "You've checked her blood pressure ten times now, _is_ she going to be alright?"

"I've checked her blood pressure once, and it will take another two hours to go through even the _preliminary_ checks for all possible ingestible dangers."

I glanced around the bare cement walled room with the one hanging fluorescent light. It personally seemed more like an interrogation room than a treatment room – but then again ninjas probably picked up some pretty difficult conditions. Perhaps the room had to be like this for some of those difficult and life altering conditions – like an allergic reaction to pastel colors?

It could happen!

I flinched, and then flinched again as he prodded my side.

"Stop moving."

"I'm ticklish I can't help it."

"Being ticklish is a state of mind."

"And pain is all in the mind." I retorted sarcastically.

"It _is_." He told me flatly.

In her chair Kanoi was waving her arms and mouthing 'shut up' over and over again.

I sighed and looked around the room again, trying not to flinch as his fingers ghosted just under my ribs. There were no clocks in the room –so ninjas wouldn't be reminded of their own mortality. Or how long it would take for these people to poke them in every way imaginable with and without green glowing energy.

My patience lasted another four repressed twitches.

"Why can't you just ask Ibiki if he did anything to the snack?"

"Would you like to ask Ibiki?"

"Well…no."

He scribbled something incomprehensible on the papers next to him and moved to my right side – just as ticklish as my left.

"You do realize that this could very well be a test for us as well as you –"

"A test!?"

" –to ensure that we, as the medical faction of the ninja class—"

_The ninja class?_

"—are meticulous in our examinations and up to date on the most current of biological and often passive attacks."

"So wait, what does that mean?"

"You are, I believe the civilian term is: a guinea pig."

Kanoi relaxed in her seat. "Oh, well that's not so bad then."

_Not so bad?! That bastard! _"I'm going to kill him." I muttered tonelessly.

In the end the good doctor could not tell what was wrong with me if anything. But just to be sure I got a handful of vaccinations and had to eat four pills that all looked exactly alike and tasted equally nasty. Supposedly they were each powerful drugs in their own right. But they looked suspiciously like the mints that were on the front desk of the ANBU headquarters.

If I ever got the opportunity I would swap all those mints for these, it would serve Ibiki right.

I left the building cold, disgruntled and strongly appearing to have chicken pox on one arm thanks to all the shots. It was a perfect excuse to take a nap on the couch.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"_She had no bugs or tracing devices of any sort, her immune system while a little higher than standard also showed no signs of any supplementary drugs, boosters or substances affiliated with known enemies."_

"_Her charka state?"_

"_A chaotic, undisciplined mess, as is common in civilians. No signs of any past history of training. The only notable aspects were a slightly higher density in her wrists due to high levels of repetitive finger motions, and strain in the muscles of the inseam on both feet – most likely due to cheap shoes with bad arch support."_

"…"

"_As the ANBU's leading medical examiner I have reached the conclusion that the subject is not a threat."_

"_I see. Anything else of note?"_

"_At one point, she did threaten you with bodily harm."_

"_Hardly unusual. That will be all."_

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

"Akiko-san?"

"Akiko?"

"Akiko…._oh she's sleeping."_

"Akiko are you sleeping?"

"_Leave her alone Takeshi."_

"_She looks kind of cold, all curled up like that."_

"_The temperature is 68, and her two layers will only provide her with an extra 15 degrees of warmth. Provided her body's not at rest-which it is. We should probably find a blanket…"_

"_I'll check the kitchen…maybe she keeps a blanket there-to put out fires or something…"_

"_Kakashi… what do you think you're doing?"_

"_In the event of hypothermia, emergency conditions call for application of heat immediately through immersion in a warmer environment, ingestion of hot liquids or direct application of heat externally."_

"_I'm not going to bother pointing out all the dissimilarities between what the manual was implicating and the current situation."_

"_See she's warmer already. It must be working."_

"_What's happening? Haha… you know Kakashi you could share your body heat a lot more efficiently if you were both naked-"_

"_Takeshi shut up."_

"_But Obito!"_

"_Get a blanket, I'll manage dinner."_

"_How come Kakashi doesn't have to do anything."_

"_Apparently he's saving our host from hypothermia."_

"_Nuts, when I find a girl you better have flowers for me to give her every morning Kakashi."_

"_Be quiet Takeshi, you'll wake her up."_

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

I was very comfortable, despite the unevenness of the surface beneath me. I could feel the blanket from my bed, a comfortable weight that hung off my shoulders and trapped the heat between me and whatever was producing it beneath me. I became aware that whatever I was sleeping on (my last memory was falling asleep on the couch) but now it was rising and falling.

My thoughts drifted to a movie I'd watched when I was little, _Totoro. _In this one scene, the little girl lands on top of a sleeping Totoro, that's big and warm and fuzzy. Maybe I fell asleep on a Totoro.. The thought made me giggle.

Giggling made me wake up.

I sat up, grabbing the edge of the blanket to keep what warmth there was left. I was lying on the couch, with my blanket over me. Kakashi, Obito and Takeshi were sitting around the coffee table with bowls of rice. There was a plate of satay and steamed cabbage in the middle of the table from which they were picking pieces.

"Good evening Akiko!"

I blinked blearily at Takeshi and rubbed the grit from my eyes with the back of my hand. "Hey, when did you all get back?"

"Six thirty seven this evening." Obito responded promptly.

"Are you hungry? You looked tired, so we let you sleep."

The satay did smell amazing. I swayed towards the food, and almost fell when I tried to put my weight on my shot-to-pieces arm.

"Still that sleepy?"

Kakashi helped me untangle myself from the blankets, and then promptly settled me in front of him on the couch with my back against his vest. I wryly accepted the bowl of rice and chopsticks he handed me.

"I was just a little sleepy, I'm not totally without balance." I told him wryly. Ensconced like this there was little room for any sort of movement let alone falling over.

"Well balance is relative you know, and compared to Takeshi's balance even…"

Obito chuckled.

"Hey, just because I'm not a ballerina like the two of you-!"

"That's putting it mildly."

"It's for your safety Akiko!" Kakashi told me solemly, but you could hear the smile in his voice.

"I can still fall forwards though." I pointed out. With my back pressed against his chest, and his arms resting on his bent knees on either side of me, all other options were ruled out. But I was still betting I could clock my head against the table in front of me. Knowing my luck I just might too.

"I'll catch you whichever way you fall Akiko."

He set his empty bowl on the table and wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me firmly against him. I rolled my eyes, I suppose I'd set myself up for that one.

The meal passed comfortably with Kakashi occasionally using his free hand to add food to my bowl. Takeshi hinting at some kind of under-cover action Kakashi had done, and Obito alternately shushing Takeshi –maybe it was a confidential mission?-and making small talk.

HIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHIHI

When I curled up under my blanket later that night I was surprised to find that I was still a little bit chilly despite the languid warmth it had brought me earlier.


	24. tea cups

Ibiki would like to see you."

"Well, I would like a pony."

Okay, so maybe that wasn't the brightest way to answer a katana wielding, masked, unknown ANBU. But they had decided that the opportune time to talk to me was while I was drying off from my shower, shivering, half wet and unable to do anything about it because the towel was ensuring that 'modesty' remained part of my reputation. That and they were sqatting on the back of my toilet without it collapsing – clearly they were a lightweight.

"Why does Ibiki want me anyway?"

"That's classified." He responded automatically his eyes narrowing at me, and then they flicked down to my towel. "You are inappropriately attired for a meeting, change quickly."

Rude pervert.

"I'm perfectly attired for someone who has just come out of the shower I'll have you know." He twitched at this, seemed to think for a moment and then apparently decided he had been on the right track.

"Change now." He ordered again.

"I'm waiting for you to leave! I'm not giving you a free show so get lost!" I was getting goosebumps everywhere and my hair was dripping coldly onto my back now too – not helping my mood at all. On top of that it was around nine, I had homework, a test in class tomorrow, and wanted to get some sleep tonight. I had nothing against Ibiki having late night soirees right up to the point where I was required to attend.

The ANBU hadn't budged, so I grabbed my clothes and swung open the door heading for my room.

"You have no chance of escaping so do not try, change and return here immediately." He called after me.

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

What in the world did Ibiki want with me anyway? I shimmied into jeans and snagged a shirt from my dresser and then realized…all my bras were just washed and were on the drying rack in the laundry room. I tugged on the shirt and started down the hall towards the laundry room when an arm clamped around my stomach and just as it released a bony shoulder replaced it as the world settled into focus – 180 degrees differently from what it should be.

"PUT ME DOWN!"

"You were trying to escape!"

"I was n-holy cow could we travel street level please?"

"Be silent!"

So much for him being a lightweight.

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

So how in the world did the toilet hold his weight? Did ninjas diet?

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"Irushi tells me that you tried to run."

"I did not." Ibiki stared blandly at me both hands folded on top of a thick manila folder. Maybe it was the next mission he was sending Kakashi, Obito and Takeshi on… maybe they needed an undercover civilian. Did they want me to do ninja work? Would it be someplace exotic maybe with a beach – a sort of informal apology for throwing me in jail?

"You have a rather large record, for a civilian, Akiko."

Record? As in criminal record? That didn't make sense I had never broken the law…

"Battery and assault on one Makoto san-"

"Wait a minute that wasn't my fault!"

"an overnight imprisonment in the ANBU – of course since it's ANBU we never allow _why_ to be put on these records…" Ahhh shit.

"Hey…" This did not look good, as in lava flowing towards you did not look good.

"Commiserating with known Yakuza, consumption of restricted drugs in public and damaging public property."

"Damaging public property Ibiki?"

"Yes, the southern wall of a building by Kakashi's residence apparently."

Nuts. Not only was I not getting my beach trip but Ibiki was threatening me. I sighed and leaned back against the couch.

"Why am I here Ibiki-san."

"Due to your disregard of Konoha's laws it is required that we pass some sort of punishment to discourage it in others. As civilians outnumber ninjas 40 to one it is imperative that we show dedication to the rules and steadfastness in enforcing even the most menial of incidents to maintain the peace."

Great. "Do I have to do community service or something?" I asked sarcastically. None of the incidents he had describe was really legit, I mean come on – Makoto attacked me, that was self defense, the jailtime was b.s., I had been kidnapped by the yakuza and the property damage-please. He was seriously grasping at straws here.

"Did your janitor call in sick and no one wanted to take out the trash for tomorrow?"

He laced his fingers on top of my 'record' and stared right at me. "You are fortunate that you have people willing to vouch for your actions, however that doesn't remove the fact that you will undergo some form of punishment. Due to the circumstances a small fee and some time in service to the village will be sufficient."

"I'm a student I don't have that much money you know."

"I'm reasonably sure you have 9.81."

"You're going to fine me 9.81? How do you get a number like that?"

"Okino tea cups cost 9.81 by purchasing one and bringing it immediately back you will fulfill your time requirement."

""Let me get this straight – you had your flunky drag me down here over his shoulder so I could replace your tea cup?"

"If I don't get it by dawn you get to wash every window in the building."

"Fine fine fine have it your way. Why do you need a teacup anyway?"

"That's classified."

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_Ibikisan is this wise?"_

"_She fits the profile perfectly and the last chance for them do a snatch is tonight"_

"_I've heard that Hatake sempai is rather attached to her though…"_

"_All the more reason to use her, Obito's team is stationed as part of the first wave."_

"_Ibikisan."_

"_Yes, Irushi?"_

"_Was it necessary to threaten her with her record I mean Ibikisan."_

"_You're afraid of Kakashisan, Irushi? That's fairly wise of you. No, she is not a civilan therefore she has no 'record'."_

"_Then that folder…"_

"_That's classified."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

I picked out a mug which had geishas teasing a drunken half dressed man on it. Let him try to drink out of that for a while. I plucked up the top which had been carefully molded and painted to look like the roof of the entertainment house and headed for the register. The Okino shop had sold high quality tea cups and pots for a long time. One of the oldest families in the village they had shops in every major city and still managed to do well even though few people would pay their prices. Well I knew the truth now – the ANBU was secretly funding them. 9.81 for a piece of burnt clay… Ibiki probably knew the owner or something how else could he tell if I hadn't gone across the street and bought one for 30 cents at the factory store? Not unless he had ninjas watching me or something. Nah.

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_Akikosan is approaching the register, yes, affirmative Timitsu is at the register exactly as the last three snatches. Kakashi guess what the teacup looks like. I think Akiko might be sending you a signal here."_

"_Focus Takeshi. Kakashi wait for the signal. That's an order Kakashi."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

I smiled at the man behind the register and then frowned when his smile was much more amused than mine. I decided not to make small talk and instead caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror behind him. I hadn't had time to comb my hair…it was a rats nest on my head. Not only that but the entire time I had been talking to Ibiki…

"Can I use your bathroom, I think my shirt's inside out."

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_Timitsu looked at her and she stiffened suddenly – I think he's genjutsu-ed her. He's got her arm and is pulling her into the back, she seems dazed!"_

"_Kakashi hold position – there was no information about them having ninja skills protocol demands we send for backup. Takeshi what's happening?"_

"_She's gone, I've lost line of sight. The teacups still at the register-wait! She didn't come out."_

"_Obito."_

"_Hold position Kakashi, two more teams are enroute."_

"_Obito."_

"_Nothing, I've got nothing Obito. They're gone. She's gone."_

"_Obito."_

"_They'll arrive in thirty seconds, remember we suspect they're using tunnels – Kakashi and I'll go from the back we'll flush them through the tunnel towards the river, Takeshi make sure the boat doesn't leave. Go."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_Timitsu didn't have her Takeshi, are you at the river yet?"_

"_Almost there, they couldn't have gotten her through already though."_

"_We are no longer sure of their capabilities, if they do have trained ninjas working for them..."_

"_I'm almost there now…the boat's already leaving!"_

"_We're coming fast through the tunnel, stop the boat Takeshi."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"Hey thanks for letting me….hello? Hello?"

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_One of them set fire to the boat, it's going down fast and I'm still trying to wade through their meat shields."_

"_Where are the girls?"_

"_They're below but they can't get out."_

_  
"We're almost there."_

"_There's no way they're all going to get out in time the ship's going down too fast, I'm going to split her open and hope that they can swim. Hope you brought your floaties Kakashi."_

"_Do it Takeshi."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_We found 17 of the reported 36 missing. Fifteen might have been taken on an early shipment which leaves three unaccounted for."_

"_Where are the record for who was on the boat?"_

"_Unfortunately we were too preoccupied saving the kidnapped women that most of the slavers drowned in the meantime."_

"_What about the ones in the tunnel?"_

"_They'll be out for hours. I have my team searching the river."_

"_Very well, we'll head back then."_

"_Wouldn't it be best if we kept searching Obito."_

"_We've been active for over thirty hours Takeshi, it's an order. Kakashi will obey."_

"_You just don't want him to find her."_

"_It's been over an hour since the boat sank Takeshi, I don't want him to be the one to find what's left of her."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"Hey, sorry about this, I know it's past your bedtime and all but I didn't exactly have my keys on me when I left the house and Kanoi wasn't home so…"

"Not to worry dearie, I'm used to it. The boys come back at all odd hours of the night, hungry and tired so I'm used to them slinking in for cookies and such. Speaking of which Kakashi should be getting off a mission sometime soon so he can probably get you back into your house no problem."

"That's right! Are you sure he'll come here though, I really would like to be able to get into my house but I told my parents I was going to study and sleep, so waking them up to let me in…"

"Not to worry, Kakashi's particularly good at getting into things. I get him to take the lid of jars for me all the time and he's never failed. Great attribute for a husband you know."

"Ahhh….yes, I suppose."

"Well who knows when he'll be back. Why don't you go and water that plant of his. He'll probably just fall into bed and forget about for the next week. This way you can guilt him into breaking into your house too. Here's the spray bottle off you go dearie."

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

"_Kakashi!"_

"_Clarise, you're still awake? I told you we'd be back around midnight so you wouldn't wait up."_

"_Yes well, I figured you might need a little extra help."_

"_What are you doing to my vest, it's on correctly."_

"_Oh just making sure it's on straight. Fix your hair Kakashi dear, it looks as if you've been swimming."_

"_I took a shower at the offices before I came back, Clarise…is there someone in my apartment?"_

"_Now now, you mustn't go scaring her away again."_

"_Clarise…I'm really not in the mood to be fending off my fanclub tonight."_

"_Now don't go breaking her heart or anything, and be careful not to get her pregnant either – there's plenty of time for that later."_

"_Clarise-"_

"_Have a good night dear, and stop stalling."_

ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI ooIooIooI

Ibiki hadn't been in so I left the cup with the front desk with a stickie with his name on it. If he didn't get it before sunrise it wasn't because of me. I had waited for an hour though, stubbornly wrapping my hands around the cup so the ninjas flowing back and forth wouldn't see me with something like that. I had to wait until all but the one behind the desk had left so as to minimize the embarrassment. Surprisingly the desk ninja hadn't so much as batted an eye at my scandalous mug – maybe Ibiki got a lot of these when he sent people out to do this. Either way squeezing the spritzer felt so therapeutic after having to clutch the dam tea cup for so long. I don't know how much water that little fern is supposed to get but tonight it was from the rain forest. Emphasis on _rain._

I was in the middle on number twenty five when someone grabbed me from behind _again._

"Akiko?"

There was something wrong with his voice. He didn't sound how Kakashi usually sounded. I took the opportunity to scrutinize him when he held me back slightly so he could do the same to me. He couldn't be that surprised to find me in his apartment in the middle of the night watering his plant. Okay, so maybe he could.

"Yes." He sounded so relieved. Relieved that I wasn't Makoto perhaps. I smiled at him seeing my salvation in his sneaky ninja lock-picking brain.

"Kakashi-"

I stopped when he pulled me to him again, enveloping me in tall-warm-ninja with complimentary armguards and vest. Was everything alright?

"Kakashi-"

"Shhhhhh…"

Yeah, okay. Tentatively I wrapped my arms around him, kind of difficult when he was pinning my upper arms to my sides but you do what you can. I told myself he needed me as I counted his heartbeats (loud) and his breaths (quiet). I didn't mention that I had a class the next day when he had me change into one of his shirts and pulled me towards his bed, I didn't accuse him of perversion – or over protectiveness when he wrapped himself around me so much that I couldn't move, and I didn't try to look when I felt him gently press a unclothed kiss to my forehead.


	25. Quarantine

"Kakashi you are overreacting."

"It's called being cautious."

"Kakashi you are being over cautious."

"It's impossible to be too cautious."

"You're being paranoid then."

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

He finally turned away from the door to face me, the instant a soft smile crept into his eye I knew all my arguments had vanished into the breeze. Granted I wasn't exactly an intimidating sight despite my ninja-ish attire. I now had a matching set of Kakashi's pants to go with his shirt – a recent addition added when Obito and Takeshi had arrived. Swimming in his shirt even though the sleeves had been cuffed back to my wrists and the pants cuffed up to my ankles I cut anything but a dangerous figure. Apparently Kakashi thought I looked adorable in his clothes and refused to tell me where my own were.

"You're shivering Akiko, here, get back into bed."

Obito sitting in Kakashi's desk chair and Takeshi lounged on the corner of the desk watched silently as Kakashi herded me back across the room and fussed over the covers until I was mummified before going back to reinforcing his door. Reinforcing his door so no one could get in – and I couldn't get out.

"Can I at least have my clothes back."

"Why, you look fine just the way you are." Kakashi replied lightly.

"I'll walk back to my house without them." I threatened.

"The walk of shame." Takeshi intoned sadistically.

I scowled at him. "What are you talking about Takeshi?"

He was trying hard not to smile for a moment but then lost and smiled with all his teeth. "Come on Akiko anyone five years old and up can tell those aren't _your _clothes. Walking back home in borrowed, oversized, ninja drag first thing in the morning. Gee I wonder what they'll think. What would you think Obito?"

"Your current appearance would lead people to produce fitting albeit unconfirmed conclusions."

"Why aren't you thinking up ways to help prevent that then?" I demanded.

Obito blinked and then stood up, setting aside his steaming mug of green tea. "Of course. Kakashi, I'll put a looping genjutsu on the windows so the apartment will appear empty."

Kakashi nodded distractedly.

"Hey wait! Genjutsu is my specialty, you can do strengthening seals." Takeshi protested, leaping off the desk in Obito's wake.

I stared as they leapt up onto the kitchen counters and pulling out a little jar of paint like Kakashi began scripting nonsense symbols onto the window frames. _I'm dreaming I must be dreaming._

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

Yesterday had been a bit odd, but explainable. Then I had woke up this morning and suddenly the three of them acted as if I was made of glass.

Granted it was great at first. I woke up all toasty warm with Kakashi rubbing my back, some sort of traditional vegetable soup for breakfast, more snuggling and then about eleven Takeshi and Obito showed up to scold Kakashi about being five hours late and had frozen when they saw me there. Takeshi had collapsed onto the desk, Obito had robotically made some tea and both of them had _stared_ at me while I told Kakashi I would head home.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_My parents will be wondering where I am."_

"_No they won't, I told them you'll be here for a while."_

"_But my classes…"_

"_It's been taken care of."_

"_Kakashi is there something you want to tell me?"_

"_You'll be staying here a while, for security purposes."_

"_Who decided that?"_

"_Ibiki."_

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_Obito, did Ibiki really decide that."_

"_I'm sure he'll be agreeable to it, I'll contact him to make sure he knows that he did."_

"_Oh Obito you're so intelligent and sneaky, have I told you yet today that I love you."_

"_Actions speak louder than words, make me some more tea please."_

"_Slave driver."_

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Kakashi…"

"Are you hungry Akiko?"

"Well…a little I guess. Can we go out to eat?"

"You don't like my cooking?" He looked sort of crestfallen. _ Is he acting? Is he just trying to get me to stay inside? Is he even Kakashi or a clone that's not acting the part properly…_

"I need sunshine to live. Like a plant."

"I'll make something warm then." At this rate I was going to become claustrophobic in no time…

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Kakashi why don't you go out and get some fresh food for lunch." Obito suggested over his shoulder.

"Takeshi can get it."

"Ahhh…actually I'm in the middle of a seal right now so unless you spontaneously want a hole in the wall instead of a window…"

"…you and Takeshi won't leave?" Did he think they were going to skip out on the meal or something?

"What and miss out on the one time in history that we get you to cook?"

"We will be here Kakashi, go get supplies." _Supplies – didn't sound as if Obito got out much._

Kakashi hesitated one more minute and then surprisingly enough walked out the door.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

_Time for some answers! _"Obito why didn't he poof out? And while we're at it why am I still here?"

Obito started bringing down mugs for the rest of us, no questions about what we were drinking for lunch at least.

"Akikosan how much do you know about Kakashi?"

_This sounds serious, even for Obito._ "What do you mean?"

"Have you ever seen Kakashi make a mistake?"

"Maybe…"

Takeshi scoffed from his place at the window.

"Maybe no then?"

"It's rare, Kakashi is particularly good at learning from his mistakes and almost never repeats them."

"That's good then isn't it? I don't see how that applies though."

"Kakashi made the mistake of not protecting you, so this is- in effect- him taking measures to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"That makes sense except for the part about not protecting me, because here I am – and I'm fine."

"Akiko you were at the Okino shop yesterday." Takeshi stated bluntly.

"How did you know that?"

"Do you know why you were there?"

"To buy a teacup." I retorted.

"But why were you buying a teacup at that shop that night Akikosan." Obito persisted.

"Because I didn't want to wash every window in the ANBU offices."

Takeshi burst into laughter. "That's the stupidest excuse ever, the offices have no windows Akiko!"

_Ibiki you bastard…_

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"I still don't get why Kakashi feels as if he failed to protect me."

"He feels the loom of mortality."

"Is he sick Takeshi?"

"No, he's just feels time more keenly."

"You're making no sense."

"He feels as if he got a second chance."

"Not ringing any bells Takeshi. Do you understand. No bells. No. Bells."

"He's changing the future."

"Altering destiny."

"Outwitting fate."

"Choosing his own path."

"What Takeshi is trying to explain Akikosan is that we were under the impression that you had died. Kakashi is naturally going to be protective of you for a while."

"You thought I died."

"Well we hadn't found your body but I had calculated your chances of survival to be minimal at best."

"Wait how long is he going to be like this then?"

Just then the door swung open and Kakashi walked in somehow balancing seven grocery bags.

"On second thought, don't answer that."

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Kanoi get me out of here!"

"Calm down Akiko I talked to some people and this is pretty standard as far as ninjas go. I think it's cute that he's that worried about you that he's going to such measures."

"You mean anyone who dates ninjas is imprisoned for weeks at a time?"

"Well…the ninjas suddenly feel strongly about protecting them. I understand the exact details differ just a little bit. You remember Sikiyo right?"

"Yeah, the one who was 'kidnapped' for a week but really just didn't tell her parents that she…no way."

"Yep! Turns out that was her ninja boyfriend suddenly deciding he was serious about her."

"He proposed?"

"Well…that was just before they decided to be exclusive actually."

"But Kakashi and I haven't decided anything like that. We aren't even in a relationship yet technically."

"Don't say that, you'll hurt his feelings. Besides Kakashi is a elite ninja, even within the elite ninjas it's understandable that he's a bit extreme. Plus Akiko remember their ninjas they probably spend all their time studying other people's feelings and completely ignoring their own. He's probably feeling like he's trying to learn how to walk right about now."

"You're not reassuring me."

"You know what? Stop whining. You've been there for one day. One day of Kakashi pampering and worrying and cuddling you probably."

"Let's not forget the feeding." I added dryly.

"Whatever! You have the cream of the crop of ninja society, the cherry of the cake of mysterious ninja men suddenly realizing that he might just have feelings. Feelings for you crazy girl. So cut him some slack! He's in ANBU you know what they do! Well…as much as any of us knows what they do but you probably have as good a guess as the rest of us. He's trying to deal and the only way he knows how is _surprise! _Like a ninja. What is your problem Akiko?!"

"I…I…I don't know how to deal with this. I have no idea what this means! Are we exclusive now? Are we in a relationship? Is it normal that we sleep together but all we do is sleep? I don't want to hurt him but damnit I want to wear my own clothes again and I don't even know how to bring the topic up even if I could because every time he looks at me he gets this soft smile on his face and I think 'well a little longer won't hurt'. I let him brush my hair Kanoi! I love brushing my own hair, you know that but he asked and I didn't want to say no so I let him! Is this normal? All Himiko did with her boyfriend was smooch and go to movies –we've done none of that. I don't know what we are and if he's just being over protective of a friend I really can't let him be brushing my hair because I'm going to be crushed later. Does any of this make sense to you!?"

"Okay okay, calm down. You just need to talk to someone who knows ninja culture and has seen this sort of thing before do you know anyone like that?"

"Yeah…can you….can you ask Jiraiyasan to come by?"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I twisted around in my chair at Kakashi's desk where I had been (unsuccessfully) working on my homework. Jiraiyasan was standing just in front of the door with that same look on his face that Kakashi got when he saw me again after looking anywhere else.

"That." I stated firmly. "What does that look mean?"

He just smiled wider. _Damn ninjas they're all the same! _

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

As soon as I get home I'm adding that to my list.


	26. bedridden

It went alarmingly like a therapist session. Or at least like I would imagine one to be seeing as how I'd never been to therapy – and this didn't count.

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"So you sleep in his arms every night but no sex." Jiraiya repeated scribbling in his notebook.

I was tucked back into bed. One of the major downsides of Kakashi's clothes was the drafts and at the first shiver Jiraiya casually suggested I could sit in bed and then he could rest his weary old ninja bones in the chair. Worked for me.

"And how does that make you feel?"

"What do you mean?"

"Does it make you want more? Are you satisfied with that? Do you sleep well?"

"Well…I guess it's okay. I mean, Kakashi's really comfortable to sleep with, although I have no idea how he's so warm all the time…and he smells nice too so it's not like I don't like it. I kinda sometimes feel like I want to hug him instead of just hugging him back but would that be okay? I don't want him thinking that…oh I don't know."

"No no that's really original…_scribble scribble_ I mean it's good to be true to your feelings. Kakashi probably holds you to reassure himself that you're there, embracing him back would be…ah…maybe like a acknowledgement of that. _Scribble. _ Sort of a 'thank you for looking out for me' type of thing, _yes_. _Scribble scribble scribble. _ It'll also tell him that you care about him too."

"It will?"

"Well you do care about him right?"

"Well…I don't really wish ill on anyone… except maybe Ibiki… and Makoto… nevermind. Of course I would like him to be happy and healthy and all that but gosh I wish that of Kanoi too, and my parents and…"

"So how is it different between you and Kakashi then?"

"I don't know…" _sorta._

"Hmmm. How do you feel when you're with Kakashi?"

"Well…he seems to think I feel cold, or hungry _all the time_."

Jiraiya burst into laughter and several illegible streaks crisscrossed his notepad before he got control of his pen. "It sounds as if he's trying to do things for you. You know as a ninja we look out for each other, but for you it's not like he can guard your back or patch up your wounds – since hopefully you don't get them quite as regularly. Making sure you're well fed and comfortable is about the only way he can tell himself that he's doing well towards you."

"I guess that makes sense." I agreed grudgingly.

Strangely enough everything seemed to make more sense when Jiraiya repeated it back to me. In the future I was going to do this via tape recorder and spare myself the humiliation. As it was I was running out of lint to pick off of the comforter as an excuse to not make eye contact. I felt like I was getting the birds and the bees talk. _Again._

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"That doesn't tell me how you feel though. What does Kakashi make you feel?"

Or getting psychoanalyzed… by Dr. Phil.

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"Uhhh..full…no, I don't know. I always feel sort of safe around him I guess but he is a ninja so that's natural. Relaxed I suppose?-except for recently because they've all been acting so strange. Did you know they thought I died? How could they have thought I died? Obito said they hadn't found my body but they though I hadn't survived – what's with that? I don't even understand how they could think something like that when I haven't even done anything recently."

_Scribble scribble scribble. _"I'll look into that, I have a few contacts in ANBU to see what happened." He told me seriously.

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

And just like that I simultaneously ran out of lint – and patience.

"Okay. So is _this _normal for a ninja relationship? I'm feeling sort of lost at sea I guess you could say."

He reached over and patted the covers where my knee was.

"Akiko to tell you the truth, ninjas rarely have close relationships with civilians. It's a danger to us since the ninja would be directly affected should anything happen to you. Since you can't protect yourself (not the way we can) it makes a ninja extra vulnerable. Between ninjas there's usually some sort of understanding –they both have that 'we could die any day' sort of mentality so even in the best of relationships they hold a little bit of themselves back. They usually stick with someone their own skill level too, but in your case it's completely different. In this relationship you complement each other. Kakashi feels the urge and has the satisfaction of being able to protect you. _Oh yeah_…"

_scribble scribble scribble_

"He feels as though he's sheltering you, and it really connects with his protective instincts…"

_scribble scribble_

"…as a _man_. However because you're a normal village girl…"

_scribble scribble_

"He knows that you probably don't value him for his skills-which are substantial-because you don't work with that sort of thing. Which means…the only reason you act the way you do, towards him, is because. He. Is. Kakashi. Nothing more. Nothing less."

He ended his notes with a stab that should have imbedded the pen in the desk below the pad, and set it down with a flourish.

I scowled. "Well duh." _And I do so value his skills...just maybe not the fighting ones..._

Jiraiya smiled stood leaning over to pat me on the back. "He's so lucky to have found you Akiko. If you decide to hug him back he'll be luckier still. Unfortunately I've got a meeting soon, but I'm glad we had this talk."

I sat bolt upright and scrabbled for the edge of the covers. "Wait you haven't answered any of my questions yet!"

He snagged the edge of the comforter and tucked it more firmly around me. "Trust in Kakashi and trust in yourself and everything will work out just fine."

An with that he turned and clopped out the door.

"Well that was helpful…not."

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"_Kakashi. I hope you found our talk helpful."_

"_Jiraiyasan. I didn't realize Akiko knew you."_

"_Not to worry, I won't say anything about what's going on. She's quite the lovely young lady. Although I have to say she looks adorable enveloped in your clothes like that, are you sure you want to make that kind of fashion statement? The Inuzukas would read that as flat out possession, especially since she's covered in your smell from sleeping together."_

"_I know what I'm doing."_

"_Well, I leave you to it then. Have some pity on her though and give her a little structure to work off of, it might be clear to the rest of us what you're doing but when it comes to this it's like civilians are a different creature entirely."_

"…"

"_You know she's quite taken with you right."_

"…"

"_I won't ask if this is serious because it's obvious, for her sake though…do you love her?"_

"…_I don't know. I have no basis with which to compare my current state to. Without a clear precedent-"_

"_Hahaha…poor girl doesn't know what she's in for. Go in to her Kakashi, it's almost dinner time and she hasn't eaten in the last two hours."_

"…_Goodnight Jirayasan."_

"_Ja ne Kakashi."_

OIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOIOI

"Kakashi..?"

A hand stroked my hair. "Shhh go back to sleep."

_If I can go back to sleep...I must be awake! _ My mind dragged me consciousness-first into that groggy half-awake state like screensaver only for a human. I tried to sit up but the first shock of night air lead me to reevaluate the situation and gloved hands resettled the pillow under my head and the blankets around my neck.

The pale moonlight was lighting up the village outside and the glow carried through the window just enough to make shadows to distinguish things. I couldn't make out Kakashi though, until the mattress creased with his weight and the cold porcelain face of a wolf swam out of the darkness. I felt him stroke my hair again and only could tell it was a hand from the light colored arm guard strap encircling his wrist.

"Shhhh shhhhh. Go to sleep." The wolf whispered.

I could have sworn we had just gotten settled. How long had I been asleep? I tried to remember what the time had been when I had snuggled down under the blankets – it had been particularly cool that night…this night. It was so hard to think though when Kakashi was stroking my hair and murmuring the same thing he did every night until I fell asleep.

"_Maybe you should try a lullaby Kakashi." _

The wolf glanced right to where a maniacal jackal was hovering in the darkness.

_Jackal….Takeshi? _"You're going ninja-ing at midnight?"

"At 2:17 am Akikosan. Go back to sleep, we'll be back soon." Obito's voice floated out of the darkness.

"Yeah, it's just a quickie Akiko! Don't worry Kakashi's _very _good at them." Takeshi chuckled but I couldn't figure out what was funny."

Kakashi's other arm guard whipped around in a dull arc and the Jackal mask blurred across the room as the chuckling intensified. "Now now gotta save your kunai for the party Kakashi."

"Stop antagonizing him Takeshi."

"Party?" I repeated and then a yawn seized control for a minute my eyes tearing after it finished.

"haha it's going to be _Da Bomb_ Akiko, you have no idea."

"_Takeshi."_

"Okay okay…"

I was still struggling to stay awake despite the soothing rhythmic stroking. I was worried but I couldn't name what about, I knew I would remember come morning but my mind was too busy still trying to remember when I'd gone to sleep, what was funny about the comment and what Obito's mask looked like. I hadn't seen it but that had been his voice right?

"Kakashi?"

"Shhhhhhh. Go to sleep."

"I'm not-" _Yawn. …a good liar._

"Shhhhhhh." He shifted blurring into the shadows until I felt his chin gently settle onto my head, his arm a familiar weight against my back and that Kakashi smell making even the air smell safe. _This is a loosing battle. _ My mind supplied helpfully and then followed it with. _What battle?_

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_To not fall asleep._ I snapped upright and froze. Sunlight streamed through the window, as well as the early sounds of people bussing about and chirping birds. There was dew on the window but the apartment was warm and I looked around until I pinpointed the vent by the kitchen which was thrumming lowly with what must be hot air.

The apartment was empty except for me…which is why I startled badly when something moved on top of the blankets.

I stared. How had I overlooked a dog?

_Well for one it's pretty small_. Maybe the size of one of those sausage pillows you see on couches. It was mostly a soft chocolate brown except for the snout and ears which were a dark coffee color-perhaps stained while trying to drink a cup of brew? But by now I was hoping it was natural coloring because it was padding up the length of the bed towards me from where it had been sprawled on the covers.

It stopped and sat on the covers on top of my lap and paused.

What is it you do for a dog again? I stuck out my hand for it to sniff. Him? Her? It had a cold nose and I scowled, quietly getting colder as it sniffed my palm, my thumb, my wrist and finally snorting settled back onto its haunches.

Happy at passing the smell test I grabbed a blanket and pulled it around me as I headed for the kitchen. I had no idea what to do with the strange little dog following me but no one could expect me to think on an empty stomach.

In commemoration of the colder weather I decided a hot breakfast was in order and figured pancakes seemed like a good idea. The first one was warming on the griddle when I turned around and remembered the pooch who was sitting placidly on one of the kitchen chairs.

Fifteen minutes later I was sitting crosslegged on the kitchen chair wrapped in my blanket with the little dog – sprawled across the cradle my bent knees made –feeding him strip after strip of bacon like one puts dollars into the vending machine. It had a similar result too. His little tail was wagging so hard he could have crank started a car.

Unfortunately I hadn't found any dog food as was my initial thought. I'd never owned a dog either so I had no idea really of what they ate except for one commercial I had seen. _Beggin strips! Dogs don't know it's not bacon! _ Well…I guess they like bacon then…

I felt sorta bad eating in front of the little puppy but I didn't know what dogs could or couldn't eat. Probably not vegetables right? I'd heard that chocolate was poisonous to them so no candy…Rice? No. Ramen? No….

So when I had lunch the puppy got bacon and when I had a snack the puppy got bacon. I took breaks from my studying to scratch his ears and rub his tummy and when he came out from under the bed covered in dust…well. First I swept under the bed, and then I decided to give him a bath.

There was dog shampoo in the bathroom under the sink with the extra soap and other supplies but it smelled like a combination of sawdust and paste. The little dog panicked for a little bit at first when I reached for the wildflower shampoo instead but soon calmed down and was once again his tail wagging happy little self.

He got more bacon for being so good while getting a bath and then we both settled down for a nap.

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"_Kakashi you're keeping this one."_

"_Pakkun. You're looking… a little chubby."_

"_The pack outnumbers you ten to one and I speak for the pack. She's staying."_

"_Pakkun, why are you damp?"_

"_She knows how to scratch ears."_

"_Pakkun."_

"_She woke a little after ten o'clock had breakfast, studied and ate periodically through the day. At half past two we settled down for a nap. Now, you're keeping her right?"_

"_I'm trying to keep her."_

"_Try harder. I was only here for a few hours and already had her hand feeding me. Work harder at being cute and cuddly. Trust me when she gives you a bath it'll be worth it. Speaking of baths she didn't use that cheap pet shampoo on me but real moisturizer, with vitamin E and aloe for shine and strength."_

"_Pakkun that shampoo-"_

"_I don't want to talk about it and I don't want to see that 'pet' shampoo again."_

"_Alright. Thanks for watching her."_

"_Not a problem, this almost makes up for some of the stuff you drag me into."_

"_Out of curiosity how much did she feed you?"_

"_Probably about a pound."_

"_No wonder you're waddling."_

"_Yeah? And if she starts hand feeding you you're going to say no?"_

"_Goodbye Pakkun."_


	27. Attacked

"_Can we go out for just a little bit?"_

Arms wrapped around me from behind, and for a second thought I had been caught. But he whipped me around I saw that it had been Kakashi, who was suddenly in front of the charging ninja and blocking the katana with one of his kunai.

"_It's not safe out there."_

That's when I hit the floor. I tumbled, arms flailing to stop myself but it was my shoulder against the edge of the bed that stopped me. The room spun but I had enough instinct left to try and backup when one of the ninjas passed Kakashi-only to smash and rebound against a crackling electric field that came to life in the doorway.

"_Just to the park, or the bookstore. If you're really worried I'll sit while you, Takeshi and Obito train."_

Kakashi was still fighting. But the other ninja was twitching, little sparks of electricity crawling over him as he got a hand beneath him and started to push himself up. He was staring straight at me and he hadn't dropped his katana when he'd hit the shield.

"_Well…"_

I started to scramble around the edge of the bed towards the desk when something cracked against the window and then slammed into it again. Mr. Uki – Kakashi's plant jittered across the sill and knocked over the alarm clock onto the pillow. I ducked back down and crawled back against the side wall, staying low and hoping that whatever was there hadn't seen me. The ninja outside the door was on his feet.

"_Please….Kakashi…"_

The barrier over the door screamed and flickered too bright to see clearly. The ninja had his katana braced against the barrier and was leaning into it. The strange faded markings Kakashi had sketched on the doorframe swam into stark relief and gleamed as if they were still wet ink. White lightning radiated from where the sword was pressed against it the ninja was still looking at me though, smiling.

"_Just for a little while."_

Light filled the doorway, for a second I thought he'd broken through. Then the ninja rebounded, and Kakashi, gripping his collar and a handful of vest and slammed the enemy ninja into the shield again sidestepping as the electric shock flung the other man down the hall. Water roared down the hallway, it threw Kakashi through the entrance, he hit the desk hard.

"_Thank you Kakashi!"_

Kakashi slumped against the side of the desk, the water felt icy against my hands and knees as I quickly crawled across the floor to his side. Gently cupping his check I lifted his head, his eyes were closed. There was a crackling and I turned and watched as the doorframe broke, the symbols bled and ran staining the wood on their way to the floor.

"_We'll go to the market and get fresh food for dinner, does that sound good?"_

Strange closed toed sandals crossed the threshold.

"_Perfect."_

I wrapped my arms around Kakashi and watched the foreign ninja get closer and closer. The window behind me shattered.

"_Go ask Clarise if she'd like anything would you?"_

It felt like thunder had gone off inside the room. The air cracked. The enemy nin slashed downwards with his katana but Kakashi and I were no longer there. He looked around, looked over the bed, the desk, the hallway, and straight through us. We were on the floor of the kitchen and Takeshi was crouching in front us perfectly still. We had a perfect view as Obito ghosted up behind the foreign ninja and dealt a brutal blow to the back of his head.

Obito picked up Kakashi and Takeshi lifted me and we exited through the broken window towards the hospital. Every time I apologized Takeshi or Obito told me it wasn't my fault.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

When Kakashi's ribs had been pushed back into place and bound, the internal bleeding stopped, and the one slice that he'd gotten stitched they tucked him into one of those generic hospital beds. I was ordered to shower, change, repeat what happened and then they ordered me into the bed with Kakashi (on the side without the broken ribs).

Obito was lounging on the window still and Takeshi was stretched out across two chairs.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

It was the first night that I held Kakashi instead of vice versa, and he wouldn't know that I was thankful for him looking out for me, that I cared about him, and that from the point where I saw him block the katana to when they'd tucked me back in with him-I was more scared of loosing him than anything else in the world.

When I'd touched his face and he hadn't opened his eyes and smiled at me – something in me had shattered. Now I felt so fragile, like at any moment I could shatter again.

My only injury was a bruise from hitting the bed when Kakashi had thrown me out of danger. Obito and Takeshi were there because in his current condition Kakashi was vulnerable, he was unconscious not asleep (the nurse had corrected me) and in his current state he was unable to fight. Despite it all though snuggling into the crook of his arm until I was as close as I could get was the only thing that made me feel any safer.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I dreamed that Kakashi died there in the hospital bed while I was lying there asleep next to him.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I panicked, batting back the sheets until the cold air rose goosebumps on my skin but I didn't hear the beep-beep of a heart monitor and it took another moment to realize they hadn't set one up for him. I hurriedly snuggled down again, pressing my ear against where I thought his heart was while jerking at the blankets trying to recreate the warmth I'd just lost us. I had one arm wrapped around his waist when I stopped, listening listening listening. I kept waiting for that thump-thump-thump to stop, adrenaline riding me as I tried to think of what I'd do – call for a nurse? Scream? Was there a panic button or did I go right to CPR? Eventually I calmed.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Akiko-san."

I froze again, and then tried to relax when I realized it was Obito who had spoken.

"Akiko-san listen to me."

I didn't move but to settle my head a little more comfortably.

"Kakashi is in a deep healing sleep right now. He will come out of it fairly soon. I realize today was very hard for you. You probably felt scared, confused, helpless. That's standard. It was correct of you to stay out of the way, and when you moved to protect Kakashi that was unexpected but it was a good thing too."

He stepped out of the shadows in the corner and moved to the other side of the bed. I tracked him with my eyes as he shifted his katana so he could sit and then laid a hand on the arm I was holding Kakashi with. I was beginning to get the feeling of impending doom. Like he was about to tell me some really bad news.

"Protecting Kakashi the way you did was the right thing to do. Even if it meant you might have gotten hurt in the process. But there are more ways of getting hurt than just with a sword Akiko-san… Akiko-san I need you to think hard because if today scared you too much, if you don't think you can look at Kakashi the same…if it's changed the way you feel even a little…then you can't be here when he wakes up."

He gave my arm a little squeeze to get the point across but I was already clutching Kakashi tighter and closing my ears to what he was saying.

"Come Akiko, let's get you a drink of water while you think about this huh?" Takeshi soothed from behind me. I felt his hands pulling gently at my shoulders and I tightened my grip too scared to blot the tears that were dampening his shirt because if I lost my grip they might pull me away so I held on and held on and held on. Eventually Takeshi's tugging went away, and when Kakashi's stirred and then clutched me to him the tears stopped. My hold on him seemed almost silly compared to the muscle and strength that held me to him. I didn't let go though.

The sky outside was lightening as I started to drowse. _If Kakashi ever dies I'm so screwed._

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_They weren't after you. They weren't after your eye, or your bounty or your jutsus. They were after her. Apparently the wife of your last assignation went on a different sort of shopping spree with her new inheritance. Not to say that she's doing it for her husband, more likely the multi thousand dollar dress you ruined when you killed him. Same issue though. Keep an eye on her while we tie up the loose ends. Consider it a mission."_

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_She's waking up…what a sleepyhead"_

I was so warm and comfortable I decided I would ignore Takeshi and the fact that I was now conscious and just feint sleep for a while. Then I remembered and the first thing I saw was Kakashi smiling gently at me.

"Good morning."

I smiled back and snuggled closer to him. "morning."

"Aww she's so cute, can we keep her Obito? Can we?"

We all came to attention though at the light knock on the door. Takeshi and Obito both dropped their arms to their sides, and Kakashi pulled me onto his lap, wrapping one arm around me and resting the other beneath the sheets. _Probably gotta be careful getting off that side of the bed._

"Come in."

The middle aged lady had on the standard nondescript attire of a nurse plus white open toed sandals instead of nurse loafers. I'd never been in the ninja wards of the hospital but it pretty much looked like the nurses here and there were pretty much the same. Then she stepped into the room and through the waist high slit in her skirt I could see rows of scrolls and vials strapped to her thigh. _So…maybe they're a little bit different._

"Hatake-san's stitches and bandages can come off." She announced. Kakashi sat up straighter behind me. "Ahh, thank you but we'll take care of it."

At a nod from Obito, Takeshi stepped forwards and neatly relieved the nurse of the caddy she was toting.

"The caddy is hospital property-don't break it." Without batting an eye she turned and walked right back out.

_I guess this sort of thing is common in ninjas huh? _ Then I startled as the caddy landed in my lap. "Here you go Akiko!"

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Me? But wouldn't Takeshi or Obito be better at first aid?" I stared at the rolls of gauze, tubes of antiseptic and a set of small, sharp looking scissors.

Kakashi gave me a little squeeze. "They need their hands free, Akiko. Besides, I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Are you sure? I mean, you just got the stitches yesterday, and your ribs… don't they need at least a week to heal?" I asked, twisting around to look at him.

The three of them laughed…well Takeshi and Kakashi laughed, Obito just kind of smiled. "Well ninja nurses can do a lot more when it comes to healing. The bandage and stitches were just to make sure I didn't disturb the injuries. I'll be fine in another day or two." Kakashi replied. Then without preamble he grabbed the hem of his shirt and I realized that I'd never seen Kakashi without his shirt on. Because if I had I would have known that under his shirt Kakashi was ripped.

_Ahhhh think PG-13 PG-13!_ I twisted around on his lap so I wouldn't get in his way…and could see better as Kakashi lifted his shirt to reveal …bandages. He stopped short with the shirt was half off and Takeshi laughed.

"That's what you get for breaking your ribs, baka."

Obito sighed. "Akiko, give him a hand."

I flushed. "You want me to take his shirt off?"

Takeshi smirked and drawing a kunai offered it to me. "If you'd rather _cut_ it off..."

_This is a purely medical procedure. _"That's okay." Kakashi relinquished his hold as I gently slid his shirt up, reaching behind him to tug at the fabric as he ducked his head and rolled his shoulders in a way that wouldn't pull at his injuries. I folded the shirt, placed it in my lap, smoothed out the wrinkles and then glanced up.

_Hell yeah._

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

You know…when you fall for a guy, and then…weeks later you discover that he has the body of a _sex_ _god_. That not only are you on the right

track, _but,_ the kamisama are giving you one big thumbs up to keep on going.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

I realized I was reaching for him and at the last minute touched the bandages instead of his bare chest. "Ummm…where are the ends?" I hastily asked, picking at the edges slightly to make it more believable.

"On my left side." Kakashi replied, raising that arm slightly for emphasis and then wincing. "It'll be best to take the stitches out first though."

I mustered my will and managed to move my eyes to his arm where a neat row of black threads stood out against his skin. There were at least twenty of them holding together twin edges of a slightly jagged looking wound. Oddly though it looked weeks old, certainly not new. I plucked the scissors out of the caddy. "I just cut them and pull them out right?"

"That's right."

I shifted closer and then carefully slipped one side of the scissors under the black threads. The scissors were really sharp and didn't pull on them at all as I cut one after the other. I pressed my fingers delicately against his skin as I pulled them out so they wouldn't tug at him so much, glancing at him every now and then to make sure I wasn't hurting him. He just watched quietly the entire way, one hand soothingly stroking my back as I left little holes in my wake.

The bandages were a lot easier. Although I had to cut the knot too here, but then it wasn't hard to sit on his lap and pass the growing ball of gauze around his front and around behind (almost like a hug) and then around in front until he was bandage free. I liked him a lot better bandage free. Because it meant he was healthier of course.

Kakashi stretched a little, with his newfound freedom. Poses that wouldn't have been out of place in an underwear catalogue. Then he wriggled back into to his shirt and drew me into a warm hug. "Thank you Akiko."

"You're welcome."

I basked in his warmth for a minute and then…delicately… wrapped my arms around him, feeling his tighten around me as I did. Somehow it felt more intimate than seeing him without his shirt, and I tucked my face against him when I realized I was blushing. _I'm so weird._


	28. willing' exile

Somehow, some_way_ I had developed partial amnesia. The last thing I remember was eating lunch. Then suddenly we were packing our bags, because we were going on a trip. _When had this been decided?_

*********************************************

"You're coming with us on a reconnaissance mission, it's just for a little while. Think of it as a vacation."

"It feels a little too much like exile."

"…"

"…"

"…think of it as being willingly exiled."

"What's the alternative, being hauled to the walls and thrown out?"

*********************************************

"Akiko! Akiko! Here I have these little bottles that I put some shampoo and conditioner into. And a little soap I got as a free trial. Perfect for traveling!"

I accepted the little cluster of cleaners and watched my mother pad back down the upper hallway muttering to herself about imperishable food and sunscreen. There was something intensely annoying about going home for the first time in days only to pack so I could spend an even longer time away. I was going to miss the carpet that ran the length of the hall and kept my feet warm in the mornings, my book towers, my oh-so-comfy-bed. It was sort of dismissible while I was staying with Kakashi because even though I was almost bored to death at times and none of my clothing fit – I still was able to achieve that level of civilized life where one could be comfortable. Traveling…ninja style…I wasn't the sort that liked to regress from hot water and climate control back to spring water and the actual climate. Granted it would be very organic but two hundred years ago everything was organic and no one back they lived very long – clearly there was something to be learned from this.

I watched Kakashi appear at the head of the stairs and walk towards me. If this, then, was what ninjas specialized in and ninjas were considered the most technologically advanced – were we then truly repeating history? Already?

"Akiko, we leave in an hour you should pack faster."

He knelt down in front of me, taking the small bottles and shifted stuff around inside my backpack with one hand as the other progressively added stuff.

I watched him add item after item, mentally envisioning myself more and more bent over as the size of the pack on my back grew. The images rapidly began to resemble a snail and it's shell and then a hermit crab and a shell and then an inspiring image of the Wicked Witch of the East – after she'd been crushed by the house.

There was no real reason I had to go. I wasn't a ninja so I'd just slow them down. I didn't know how to do camp cooking, or camp-anything really. I couldn't recognize harmful plants or animals and I had no sense of geography either. Plus I really should help my mom with the chores and the cooking, she'd been doing it all herself for the time I'd been with Kakashi. I'd essentially had a vacation already, taking another longer one would just be selfish really. I had a duty as a daughter, and a friend (I hadn't talked to Kanoi nearly as much recently) to be a good daughter and a good friend. Someone responsible, and caring and attentive, someone who didn't drop everything to go running off to do 'reconnaissance' (who knew what that meant) with three unmarried virile young men dressed in provocative clothing.

"I'm not going."

Kakashi slowly stopped packing. "Akiko."

I was having a hard time meeting his gaze. Why should I feel guilty for finally acting in line with my priorities? I stood and started for the door. "No Kakashi."

A second later I landed on my bed with Kakashi's arms planted on either side of me. "Akiko, let's talk about this."

I pushed at his shoulder, trying to get enough space to at least prop myself up on my elbows. I could tell how that conversation was going to go already. The fact that he was looming over me while I was flat on my back made it obvious. "It won't change my mind Kakashi. I have responsibilities, commitments…that I've neglected for too long."

All my pushing and tugging at his armor was proving pretty ineffectual, so I tugged it back into place and crossed my arms over my chest, glaring at him.

"Akiko, is this because of your midterm report."

Ahh yes, did I mention that my class grades had come? They reported that I was failing. Failing to show up that is, and failing to turn in assignments I didn't know we had. All sorts of failings. My sensei had written that he was disappointed that one of his more intuitive students had suddenly 'given up' on trying to succeed and learn in the class where she had up until now, seemed to have the aptitude and the character necessary to excel.

I could still pass if I came to every single remaining class, completed the assignments and did extra credit research. Or I could provide a doctors note for every single absence and the missed assignment grades would be dropped from my overall score. How about an 'I was forcefully abducted by a socially inept Kunoichi' note sensei?

"That class was an investment in my future Kakashi." _That was the title on the pamphlet that convinced me to take it._

His gaze softened and he relaxed, arms curling around me in a hug. I'd uncrossed my arms and hugged back as I sighed in relief.

Well…that wasn't that hard. So maybe neither of us is that good at compromising but if he gets his way sometimes and I get my way sometimes I think I can live with that. I just have to let him know how strongly I feel about the decisions sometimes. It wouldn't be a problem, especially since he was taking it so well. If I'd known I'd get a hug every time I disagreed…well I could play the devils advocate as well as the next person.

"I'm sorry Akiko. Forgive me?"

I smiled up at him, lightly holding him to me. A guy who apologizes – I was never letting him go.

"I forgive you Kakashi."

He smiled sadly and pushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. Must be hard being a ninja, not dealing with normal people much, but just looking at him I could see so much that made him worth the effort. He was gentle, and kind, intelligent, considerate; he had the softest hair and two beautiful eyes. Wait a minute-_two_ eyes?

*********************************************

I snapped upright, the blanket bunching at my waist and then around my legs as I scrambled across unfamiliar tatami to the closest sliding door. Beyond it huge bamboo shoots vanished into a ceiling of thick cool mist as they broke upwards out of a brown springy mat of years of fallen leaves.

"Damnit Kakashi! I take it back!"

*********************************************

"You kidnapped me!"

The three of them looked up from bowls of miso and yakisoba where they were eating on the wraparound porch.

"She's so observant Obito, she could be a ninja!"

"Takeshi."

"Come and have breakfast and we'll explain Akiko."

I stood my ground and stared down at Kakashi. "There's an explanation? Why didn't I hear it before?"

He just patted the floor next to him and waited. Here I thought I'd gotten it my way, I should have known better but sitting would probably get the story out the quickest. With a sigh I settled down next to him, and grudgingly accepted the delicious smelling, warmth emanating bowl of hunger-killing miso. So maybe I had alternative motives for sitting down too.

*********************************************

"So why did you kidnap me?"

"Abducted, 'kidnapping' involves a minor Akiko-san." Obito corrected me gently.

I rolled my eyes. "So why did you abduct me?"

"So Kakashi could have his way with you."

"Takeshi, go check the perimeter."

Takeshi shifted his mask forwards from where it had been hanging lopsidedly over his left ear and slid his katana into the loops on his vest. "Remember Kakashi! The truth will set you free!" The mist eddied and swirled after him as he leaped away from the hut.

I glanced back to see Obito neatly stacking his bowls, chopsticks perfectly aligned at an oblique angle across the top. "I'll go draw some water." He shifted his mask on too and headed off into the forest.

*********************************************

"Draw some water? I didn't know Obito was into art."

"You don't camp much do you Akiko."

"_What's that supposed to mean?"_

*********************************************

"You remember when we were attacked Akiko?"

_It's sort of hard to forget. _"Yes."

"You remember when I went 'ninjaing' at midnight."

_Less easy to remember._ "Vaguely."

"The attack was to get revenge for our 'ninjaing' that time."

"But that was only two days later!" _Rounding to the nearest sunset._

"Yes, well…I have a distinctive jutsu that I ended up using, so they knew it was me fairly quickly."

"Then they tried to kill you for revenge?"

"No, Akiko…they tried to kill you in revenge."

"… … … me?" My voice cracked.

Kakashi rescued my miso as my tofu attempted to throw itself to its death, setting the bowl, and the others in front of him out of the way.

_So I'd gotten attacked as a result of Kakashi. But that means Kakashi got attacked as a result of the attack on me. Kakashi prevented me from getting hurt when I was attacked as a result of his actions-but when he was attacked as a result of trying to protect me he got hurt… Plus you don't expect people to come after you when you're doing ANBU missions at two-something in the morning…_

"You got hurt protecting me?" _When did he move me onto his lap? Amnesia strikes again!_

He brushed his thumb across my cheek and I realized I was crying. _More amnesia._ "What did you think I was doing?"

"Oh, I thought I was in the way and you probably couldn't fight well with me standing right between you."

"Yes, that too. My primary goal wasn't to kill them though, it was to prevent you from being hurt."

"Yes, but I don't want you to get hurt just to prevent me from being hurt."

"So if I'm doing something else you don't mind if I get hurt?"

He caught my arm as I moved to elbow him. "That's not what I meant, I don't want you to get hurt period, but I especially don't want you to get hurt while trying to protect me. It's not right."

"I'll just have to train more so I don't get hurt while protecting you." He murmured into my hair as he lay backwards, pulling me with him so we stretched out on the veranda.

I huffed my disagreement against his chest. "You'll just have to train more so you don't _ever_ get hurt."

He chuckled. "You're beginning to sound like Obito."

*********************************************

Obito returned sometime later, gave us a briefing on the nearest supply stations and watched while we slowly forced down the aged breakfast. It didn't seem like we'd lain there a long time but both the soup and the yakisoba had long since grown cold.

*********************************************

"Doing 1000 push ups is just inefficient Kakashi, the time you take to do them isn't worth the benefit when you consider what else you could be doing. You need to change your technique."

"He could go lower, by resting his feet and hands on logs like I do." Takeshi suggested as he adjusted his stance and then lunged forwards slicing another inch or so from a vertical bamboo post.

Obito shook his head. "Kakashi needs the shoulder and arm strength for his chidori, as well as many of his other attacks while your pushups are geared towards your agility and flexibility in addition to your strength."

"I could do half on one arm and then half on the other, it would be more concentrated that way."

"That's still 1000 pushups, and to get the full benefit it's a three second count down and then three more seconds to rise. Still too long."

"Says the man who won't eat fast food." Takeshi retorted.

"Quantity is nothing without quality Takeshi." Obtio stated.

Kakashi laughed. "This is why he's the captain."

Takeshi snorted pausing in his routine to flick Kakashi off.

"Good idea Takeshi. One finger pushups Kakashi, although not the one that Takeshi used."

"Come on Obito, I can probably do one finger pushups, and this is Kakashi we're talking about."

"Point taken, ideally we'd need some way to increase the effectiveness of each pushup… Akiko-san, will you come here please?"

*********************************************

"What are you holding back for Akiko, this might be your only chance to be on top!"

"Takeshi. Enough. Kakashi needs to improve Akiko, and this is the easiest way."

"Yes…well. So you just want me to…"

"Just sit on top of him for now."

"My legs will reach the ground though."

"Lie on top of him then."

"But…"

"It's an experiment Akiko, if it doesn't work you won't have to do it again."

"_What if he can't lift me?"_

"Trust me, that won't be an issue."

*********************************************

The hardest part about helping someone with pushups by lying on top of them is to find a position where you're comfortable and they're comfortable. After much experimentation I finally settled on lying half on my side half on my stomach, feet resting lazily on his calves and my arms sort of hanging off the edge, my head just managed to rest on the top edge of his vest this way it wasn't perfect but it was pretty good. Obito commented after the first thirty that Kakashi's up and down transitions were noticeably smoother than usual.

Kakashi only managed to do about 60 pushups on each arm this way that first day-a number Obito was satisfied with, Kakashi felt was too low, and Takeshi thought was some sort of numerological sign.

"Clearly that's the minimum number of days it'll take you to seduce Akiko, better step it up pal!"

That afternoon Takeshi spent a good half hour recovering on the ground after his daily spar with Kakashi.


	29. Incorrect assumptions

_"We have to help Kakashi seduce Akiko, Obito!"_

_"I think this is something Kakashi would prefer to do on his own Takeshi."_

_"But Obito he's only got 54 days left and they're still nervous when they're just doing pushups together."_

_"It's good that they're building a strong foundation for their relationship."_

_"Yes but to keep to schedule they have to kiss by midnight, tomorrow!"_

_"How did you manage to calculate that?"_

_"The 60 days Obito! You never listen to me! Assuming that each step will take exponentially longer to get to…"_

_"That? I don't think I want to hear any more, Takeshi."_

_"Obito. As our captain you are responsible for ensuring our growth, our safety and our happiness. Oh wait what was that last word? I swear it might have something to do with the dopamine levels in our body…"_

_"…I'm not agreeing to this."_

_"You don't have to agree, you just have to help."_

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

I rolled onto my back, then my stomach. I flipped the pillow, squirmed over to the cool side of the futon, counted sheep, recited daimyos and finally admitted that I couldn't fall asleep.

Of course I knew what the problem was, in fact if there was any justice then Kakashi three feet to my right was also not asleep – if doing a remarkably better imitation than I was. Considering that I wasn't attempting sleep at all by this point that wouldn't be hard.

If the world was completely just then Takeshi was also getting no sleep.

Takeshi was the one who had laid out four foutons with space in-between each for foot traffic. "This way everyone'll be able to stretch out just the way they like!"

Of course it might not have been that I wasn't sleeping next to Kakashi. The fact that we were surrounded by an army of screaming grasshoppers and crickets could have something to do with it. But I was pretty sure if I had curled up to Kakashi and he had cuddled me like usual I would be asleep hours ago. Now I was hot or cold or I couldn't get comfortable. _So this is what withdrawal feels like. _

My sleeping patterns had been reduced to that of a puppy's and I needed my ticking clock to fall asleep. I weighed the scandal factor of my creeping across the floor and sneaking under Kakashi's blankets. _Did the floor squeak here?_ I couldn't remember.

Then again, they'd both been pretty protective of Kakashi at the hospital would they see this as going too far? They knew we snuggled together at night, I was typically still in bed when they came to get Kakashi and even though he typically woke early Kakashi didn't get up until just before or after they came to get him. Worst case scenario-if they asked me about it then I could always say I was feeling homesick and needed a hug.

_That's right they can't expect me to be all ninja-tough!_

Mind made up I sat up.

Turns out there are reasons that ninja typically don't bring non-ninjas with them.

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

Since I was unable to sleep – the rest of them who were supposed to be sleeping were unable to sleep, save the one on watch who happened to be Takeshi.

I had no idea about the 'watch' for the record.

Being on watch was typically boring.

Takeshi – seeing me clearly awake and sitting up decided to make it somewhat less so.

When I'm under the impression that everyone else around me is sleeping, suddenly being grabbed from behind comes as something of a shock.

When I'm in unfamiliar territory on the edge of the country's border after hearing war stories all day my reaction to being shocked is to scream.

My scream roused Kakashi and Obito who weren't really asleep but weren't really awake either in a very abrupt manner.

Obito's natural response was to throw a kunai to deter the immediate threat to further analyze the situation.

Takeshi, to dodge kunai's thrown at him, tends to go invisible and create a shadow clone of himself in his place.

Because I was still in my surprise phase I tried to jump up and turn around to see what was behind me.

Obito had aimed over my back, jumping up put me right in the kunai's path.

Takeshi jerked me to the side just before the kunai hit us, and instead it sunk into his shadow clone releasing a very realistic spurt of blood as a result.

Takeshi's specialty is genjutsu on an ANBU level.

Kakashi saw Takeshi take a kunai to the chest, could feel Obito's chakra behind him and saw some invisible force haul me in the direction of the door. He came to the conclusion that we were under attack.

Kakashi slammed Takeshi (invisible) into one of the support posts and ripped me free of Takeshi's grip.

Obito noted Takeshi's amazingly realistic clone without realizing it wasn't Takeshi, saw Kakashi fighting and invisible foe and rationally assumed that there were more invisible enemies lurking around. After all stone nin travel in packs of 4 typically.

Obito utilized the best way of discovering invisible quickly: a water jutsu.

Since there was the possibility that there were more than three invisible foes and Kakashi and Takeshi both knew it was somewhat standard procedure Obito reasoned they'd get out of the way and used more chakra than usual.

The hut that was typically used for 'reconnaissance' was old.

Kakashi threw the invisible perpetrator over the deluge back into the middle of the room and before letting us get swept outside by the water.

Obito darted out in the other direction.

Takeshi ended up having to bust his way through the straw roof, dropping his genjutsu in the process just as the main beams broke and the ceiling suddenly ended up resting on the floor like a little tent.

Luckily we were all soaked so the fact that it started to rain dampened nothing but our spirits.

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

We were suddenly very high very quickly. Kakashi was holding me with one hand and had his unsheathed katana in the other. It was dark and I could feel the mist on my face but couldn't see it. We stayed still and silent for the longest time and then dropped to the ground it wasn't long before Takeshi and Obito's masks emerged from the night.

Obito looked back and forth between the three of us. "What the hell just happened?"

Takeshi laughed weakly. "Surprise!"

The first time I felt a ninja killing aura it came from Kakashi and Obito directed at Takeshi at this moment.

We all stared at the collapsed hut for a minute.

"There are those caves a few miles north." Takeshi suggested meekly.

"Let's go." Obito replied shortly.

Not only were all the sleeping bags completely waterlogged but mine had been impaled by one of the beams and was deemed well and truly dead. Fate is not without a sense of irony.

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

Takeshi ran ahead to scout and to give some distance between himself and the rest of us. I thought I'd be carrying my bag but before I even knew we were ready to leave we were flying through the tops of the bamboo in utter darkness. Then it seemed sort of silly to offer as I couldn't fly through tree tops and everyone seemed sort of intent on getting back to sleep ASAP. Instead Obito carried my bag and Kakashi carried me.

"I'm sorry. If I hadn't overreacted and screamed we'd probably all be warm and dry and comfortable right now."

"It wasn't your fault Akiko, and we'll be warm and dry soon enough."

"How far is the next shelter?"

"We should be there any minute…"

I was curled up trying to preserve heat while Kakashi cradled me to his chest, but when he cursed softly under his breath I roused the effort to look up and spontaneously lost any hope of getting warm and dry anytime soon.

We stood on the treeline at the base of a mountain. A mountain of rubble at the edge of a much taller mountain.

Takeshi scratched his head. "Gosh darn, must have been a landslide recently or something."

Kakashi shook his head scattering water droplets left and right. "We have to find shelter soon, Akiko's too cold."

I wasn't cold. I wasn't even shivering. I was just tired. But if it got us settled faster I didn't care what they said about me.

"How far is the next outpost Obito?"

"21 miles away."

"I recall there being a small shrine just on the other side of this mountain. It should work for at least tonight."

"Good memory Kakashi, let's go."

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

The shrine was very small, and no one got to sleep real soon. There was a small alter for a fire and they got that started up immediately then there was the slow process of drying everything.

The first time Kakashi undressed me was because I was too numb and tired to undress myself. As soon as one sleeping bag was dried out he tugged off my pajamas while simultaneously tucking me into the warm sleeping bag. Once I was in he asked me fore everything else, luckily I had enough coordination for that. Takeshi must have been afraid for his life because he didn't comment even when Kakashi laid out my underwear to dry next to everyone's shirts.

It was tight, the shrine was wide but not very deep as far as buildings go. One of the guys could have stretched out but then the rest would have been miserably scrunched. Instead they all took to leaning their packs up against the wall and then leaning against them while zipped up in the sleeping bags. I had slightly more comfortable accommodations as I got to lean against Kakashi instead of one of the packs. I got to wear one of Kakashi's shirts again because ANBU thermals dry out much faster than cotton pjs. Tucked into his shoulder with one arm holding me gently and the sound of his heartbeat echoing through my ear it took about two seconds to fall asleep.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

The shrine was drafty. Damp. Cold. Kakashi was quite literally the center of my world as I vampirically clung to him for his warmth.. He'd crossed his legs sometime while I'd been asleep and I woke up huddled in his lap.

_Ha! Back where I belong! Snuggled up and warm and held and protected! I guess yesterday's fiasco turned out alright. After all being cold for a few hours is nothing compared to the sleep I will be getting. Not to mention the hugs and the cuddling. Stuck out in the boonies with only one room I was sorta worried that we'd get no together time but things have worked out just right. The universe was out of balance and now it has corrected itself. I was soo in the right to try and snuggle with Kakashi yesterday and this proves it!_

And without a thought I turned my head which was tucked under his chin and kissed Kakashi's neck before snuggling in again.

Then Kakashi slowly but firmly lifted me off his lap, slid out of the sleeping bag and without a word or even a glance backwards, exited the shrine.

I curled up pulled the sleeping bag over my head and tried hard not to cry.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_KAKASHI!! Damnit where did he go? KAAA-KAAA-Shhhh-there you are! What were you thinking? Akiko kissed you for the first time and you just walk out of there? What kind of a man are you? Hey look at me when I'm talking… … oh."_

"_Yes. Oh. Now do you mind?"_

"_Ummm… nope, no problem. I completely didn't realize, and thank you for taking this outside so to speak… I'm deprived enough as it is without seeing the two of you cuddling-jeeze I'd probably start twitching if I had to watch you-"_

"_Takeshi."_

"_Right…I'll just…head back to the shrine unless you need anything…I mean I am carrying some lotion in case we went to the colder climes but I don't have that much and it's peach scented so I'm not sure you'd want to use it for this but-"_

"_**Takeshi**__."_

"_Bye Kakashi."_

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"Akiko-san, sorry for the trouble but I had to send Kakashi out to scout and he's the best of the three of us. He'll be back shortly, there's no need to worry."

I rubbed my eyes of all traces of tears and poked my head out from the sleeping bag. Obito was crouched just beside me on the wooden floor staring at me intently.

Just then Takeshi bounded back in. "Omg Obito you will not believe what I just saw Kakashi doing…" Then he noticed who Obito was talking to. "Oh…hi Akiko…sleep well?

"Obito?"

"Yes?"

"Are you lying to me?"

He went absolutely still for a moment. "No."

I scowled. "Liar." Giving him one last glare I delved back into my meager privacy.

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_Hey…Kakashi?"  
"Takeshi?! I thought I told you to go away."_

"_Yes I know, you did. But I need to tell you to go and scout the area real quick."_

"_Now??? I'm a little busy Takeshi and it doesn't help that you keep coming by to chat."_

"_No no… I mean I'm sure…after you're done…Obito didn't really specify-I could ask him if you want?"_

"_Takeshi I just want you to go away."_

"_I could grab your book for you if you want I know you've got pictures of Akiko stuck between the pages…"_

"_Takeshi…"_

"_Yes, fine. Oh and do something…before you come back."_

"_Do something? Takeshi, are you secretly harboring a deathwish?"_

"_I mean…Obito sorta told her you were out on patrol and I sorta told her that you were doing something..like something surprising so improvise okay? Okay. Bye."_

"…"

~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~~*~

"Akiko."

Takeshi and Obito had left, chatting and I recognized the voice but I still refused to move.

"Akiko."

I didn't budge. For one my complexion was ruined I was a horribly messy when I cried. Second: I shouldn't be crying because anyone who runs from my kisses didn't deserve them and I didn't care about people who didn't deserve my kisses. Third because _he _had kissed me and I hadn't run for the hills so it was completely unfair for him to be able to give kisses but not vice versa. Kakashi was secretly sexist. I should have known.

"Akiko, come here."

I was pulled from my nylon sanctuary without so much as a vote and cradled in his lap –right where I'd been when he upped and ran away. Oh the irony! Did he think he could bribe me with a few sweet words and…_A Flower!_

I accepted the thin green stem from him and peered at the multitude of white petals surrounding the bright yellow middle. _A daisy to be exact._

"For _m_e?" My voice cracked. _I'm humiliating._ And to top matters off I started crying again.

"Obito told me how worried you were about me, but I'm fine. The nearest border is miles and miles away, I didn't think my leaving so quickly would scare you but just so you know for the future."

_27 petals so if I start with 'If he loves me' that's what the last petal will be._ "Okay, I'm sorry. I got worked up over nothing." _Sorta…_

I forced out a smile and let him tilt my face up, trying not to wince as his eyes skimmed my face – no doubt taking in the tear trails and the redness, the puffiness…

"You're just fine. There's no need to cry." I got a kiss on my forehead and the smile came a lot easier. "Okay?" He pressed his forehead to mine and looked right at me, I eventually returned his gaze deliriously happy in my revelations. _And here I was thinking it was my kiss that had made him run away so quickly…silly silly Akiko when will you get over yourself?_

"Yeah, okay." I whispered back, twisting the stem of my flower back and forth.

"Perfect." He whispered back. I smiled foolishly glancing between him and my flower while he fussed – tucking my hair behind my ears, wiping away the last traces of what was clearly an isolated and misguided case of pessimism and resettling me in his lap until I was perfectly tucked into his shoulder.

_Or was it?_

I blinked away the last of my tears to clear my vision and watched him closely.

"Thank you Kakashi," very deliberately I sat up slightly, tilted my head, and gently kissed his cheek.

But at the last moment, Kakashi moved too and instead of his cheek…

First there was the smooth texture of his mask and his lips pressed to mine just beneath it. Then he pulled back and then there wasn't a mask between us anymore.

"You are most welcome."

~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~ ~*~

"_Obito we did it! It was total chaos theory! I knew if I set out separate sleeping bags the distance would drive one of them wild with desire! I am the butterfly see me flap! Ha! And we're right on schedule! At this rate I can regift that box of crayons to their kid in no time! Yess! Now if Kakashi's really a genius he will take this chance to get ahead of schedule! Kiss on the lips-check! Next step is getting familiar with each other~! Perfect timing! If anyone else feels like I do after last night, they'll both be ready for a bath and there are those natural springs not far from here! What luck! It would have been out of the question while we were staying at the hut but now that we're here it's the obvious choice! I have this feeling that all we have to do is get Akiko some lingerie… You saw what Kakashi was like when she was wearing that kimono right? He almost fell off the roof! Of course that could have been because she was hanging out with drug lords…but it can't possibly hurt. Besides everyone knows how much visuals help-right Obito? Obito?"_

"_I am not hearing any of this."_

"_Well…do you at least know where I can get some lingerie?"_

"_I didn't agree to any of this."_

"_Obito. We talked about this. Kakashi's happiness is at stake here. Look at how happy he is. Don't you think he looks happy? Hmmm?"_

"_..."_

_"Hmmm? Obito?"_

_"...yes."  
_

_"Now...how can we get some lingerie...?"  
_


End file.
